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Devoted September 2019 Ontario

Help! My Fiancé wants to be as involved as possible!!

Bianca, on June 25, 2018 at 08:55 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 20
My Fiancé wants to be as involved as possible during wedding planning... what do I do? Is this good or bad?

20 Comments

Latest activity by Kay, on June 26, 2018 at 13:44
  • Kay
    Devoted September 2018 Nova Scotia
    Kay ·
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    My partner is involved as much as I let him. Hah. He gives me input all the time. I am a control freak, so I like the ability to take charge that way. He backs off and lets me do my own thing, but because this is as much his day, as it is mine, he definitely lets me know his opinions on how he'd like things to go. Smiley smile

    I think it is a good thing. This is my second wedding, and with my first, he was very non-committal (should have been a clue, I suppose!) and I was forced to take it all on myself. It was very stressful and I really didn't enjoy the process as much as I am this time.

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  • Tatiana
    Expert April 2018 Ontario
    Tatiana ·
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    My fiance was involved in our wedding at every stage and i loved it, i was great to complain to him about a vendor and he would tottaly understand where i was coming from. Also great just to have him weigh in on aspects of the wedding where i really didn't care that much, he took over those haha. Being involved is great and a real testament to what future decision making will look like in your relationship.

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  • Tyanna
    Super June 2019 British Columbia
    Tyanna ·
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    It's a good thing! Mine is fairly involved and it's great, although a lot of the time I get a "sure" or something else lame as a response to my questions, but at least hes trying hahah
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  • Sara
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Sara ·
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    My FH is involved too, he wants to go to every meeting with the vendors. I'm the one kind of setting the schedule and the gears in motion, but he's definitely adding his input. Because a lot of the stuff we're doing is DIY, we're doing everything together.

    Because this day is much about me as it is about him so I want him to be involved and I don't want to be 'blamed' if some things don't go right. Also, I think it's fair, besides it was his idea to have a wedding Smiley winking

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  • B
    Devoted September 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    That’s Understandable
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  • Jennifer
    Super July 2019 Ontario
    Jennifer ·
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    I think its awesome he wants to be involved. I would start the convo on figuring out what you both want as "must have", what are "really really like" and what are "either way/don't need it". that way you are both on the same page about what each other likes. for us the #1's where good food, good music, good booze.
    my FH doesn't have strong opinions. and I do. for him. he wants to be told about what I find out and give him the different options. and then most of the time lets me decide. but he doesn't want to be left out of whats going on either.

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  • B
    Devoted September 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Thank you Ladies, all of your Opinions are Valuable to me. I greatly Appreciate it.
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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    It all depends on what you want his help with and what you don't. The bridal shower is usually thrown by the moms and/or bridesmaids and is a "girls only" thing unless you make it a Jack and Jill shower. As for the wedding dress shopping the main reason guys are not usually there is because of the whole "bad luck to see the dress before the wedding". If you are okay with it or even want him to approve your dress then there isn't a problem with it - but it is also waaaaaay okay for him to be banned from this.

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  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
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    The day after we got engaged, I used the phrase "my wedding" in front of my stepdad, and he lost it. He told me that for his first wedding, he was never asked for his opinion, and if he gave an idea or asked for something a certain way, he would be made to feel bad for it until he just gave up... and he has resented it to this day, nearly 40 years later (no longer married, obviously)... He said to me "there are two people involved, it's both of your wedding".

    Now I'm not saying your booting your fiance out! Haha. But what I am saying is that if the man in your life wants to be involved and have opinions, that's good. And you should at least hear him out on his ideas. My fiance wants to be involved, and I am actually appreciative that I don't have to second guess choices, as he agrees with me. He has his input, and if it doesn't make sense, or won't work, I try to talk it out, and/or compromise, so I'm not shutting him down.

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  • Marcia
    Super August 2018 Manitoba
    Marcia ·
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    I think its a good idea, helpful when making decisions and you will always have someone to go with you to visit vendors!

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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    It's great! This means that not all the burden and stress falls on you alone. My husband was quite involved in the planning and though we did sometimes bicker about things, in the end it was great to have someone else to help and offer input. It is not only on person's wedding so I think both parties should have equal say.

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  • E
    Expert December 2018 Ontario
    Emma ·
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    It can be good or can also be bad lol. My groom wants to be involved. Which I thought was great until it started to impact my visions and has led to a few fights. My original colours got vetoed, some music I want got vetoed, I get comments about different decor items I would like, oh and biggest arguments have been over what candy for the candy table. Yep fighting over candy lol. Oh and I have no say over what the guys wear. Only part that is really “me” is my dress and bouquet.

    I love he’s so excited but I’m not going to lie I am a little jealous of brides who can do whatever they want
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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    That's a great thing! Give him an opportunity to plan his wedding too.

    My FH wants to be involved in the final say of things, so I've been presenting him with ideas that fit our vision/budget/theme, and then let him pick. That way I still get to do the research (which I love) and he still gets to be involved.

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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    This is a first for any Groom to get involved in the planning and thats a good sign. Your stress will be his stress too.
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  • Sapna
    Beginner May 2019 Ontario
    Sapna ·
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    It's a good thing. I've been doing most of the planning so far (mainly because I have more time on my hands), but it does get frustrating and I'm never quite sure if she wants to be more involved or she's just glad she doesn't have to deal with it.

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  • Clarissa
    Expert October 2018 Saskatchewan
    Clarissa ·
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    Probably a good thing. I suggest sitting down and get a sense of what you both want to make sure your on the same page about the big things (size, church wedding or not, time of day for ceremony, formal?, time of year, etc).

    If your on the same page you’ve now cut the amount of work you have to do significantly which is a great thing. If you prefer to have the lead on this get him to pick one or two things that he is really passionate about and he can take the lead (music, food, drinks, etc).
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  • B
    Devoted September 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Thank you ladies. There are certain things that he can’t be including bed with though correct? Ie. My Bridal Shower, Wedding Dress Shopping?
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  • Peggy
    Super May 2019 Alberta
    Peggy ·
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    Such a good thing! Involve them - this is their day too, and they should be able to be as involved as they want to be!

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  • Jen
    VIP June 2018 Ontario
    Jen ·
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    Lol it's definitely a good thing! I think all significant others should be involved in the planning of their own wedding!

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  • Gina
    Super April 2019 Alberta
    Gina ·
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    I think it’s a great thing! It’s both of your day. Make sure you run everything by them, or even spilt up duties. You each pick what’s most important to you then divide up the rest.
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