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Jillian
Frequent user September 2022 Ontario

Help! Invites and STD's

Jillian, on April 15, 2019 at 18:54 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 11
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Okay so need some advice.
We sent our std's 1.5yrs in advance bc we r having a "destination wedding". Most ppl live in Saskatchewan and our wedding is in Ontario.
We want to have a 100 person wedding. No children and no plus ones. On our std's they were addressed to 1 person. For ex: jane doe ( jane is 20yrs old and jane has a bf) she is 1 of my many cousins.
Now i just attended a family funeral and my aunt(jane doe's mom) around everyone, says we are so excited to come to your wedding with the kids(jane doe) and her bf.
My question is... I didnt feel comfortable even talking about our wedding at a funeral PLUS even saying oh sorry he isnt invited.
I mean we even sent out detail cards saying hotel blocks, no kids, and the airports. The stds also were only addressed to the person we are inviting.
Question is, do i go back at a later date and inform them no plus ones, or add them to the guest list or still send out the invite just to "jane doe" and put 1 spot is resererved for you( which we were going to add anyway)

11 Comments

Latest activity by Donna Yeung, on April 22, 2019 at 23:26
  • Donna Yeung
    Devoted August 2018 British Columbia
    Donna Yeung ·
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    Hi Jillian,

    We resolved that issue by including an RSVP card that clearly states that we have reserved __(insert number of seats)__ seat in your name. It also helps when you send your invite that only the names of those you are inviting are addressed on the address portion of the envelope too. Our RSVP and wedding website was made on theknot.com and it had a feature to set the RSVP's to names that we had entered into the system so that guests cannot RSVP for a plus one unless we had pre-approved it.

    Your wedding website should also include details and reiterate that due to venue capacity you're unable to accommodate plus ones or children. You could also rally help from your parents to explain to your extended families about that as well as your wedding party who can spread the news to friends.

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  • Seleena
    Super September 2019 British Columbia
    Seleena ·
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    People can be annoying sometimes. You (Jane Doe) and 75 other people think they can "be the exception". No thank you.

    If you are sending mail back RSVP's, I would definitely say "We have reserved 1 spot for Jane Doe" Kindly accept __ Regretfully decline__" or something along those lines. Make it very obvious and specific to that person you are inviting.

    If you do have more than one person, I would write out each person on that invitation and they can each accept or decline.

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    Some people need a neon sign pointing out the no plus one/kids rule lol. They try to ignore it in hopes that they can be the exception to the rule *eye-roll*

    I feel like you can send out your invites and that would be fine, I wouldn't worry about any extras notice between now and then. Plus, it's on whoever assumed their plus one/kids were invited to make alternative arrangements (i.e. rebooking flights).

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  • Jillian
    Frequent user September 2022 Ontario
    Jillian ·
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    Our stds were sent 1.5 yrs in advance and our invites we will prob send out between 10 to 12 months in advance. I feel now even if we put it on the wedding website they would miss the no plus 1s. Especiallt since we had a details card with their std, along with inner and outer envelopes with the 1 persons name.. Face palm
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  • Jillian
    Frequent user September 2022 Ontario
    Jillian ·
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    Yes that is our plan for the rsvps!
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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    When are you planning on sending invites? For a destination wedding, you may want to consider sending them out earlier so guests can plan accordingly.

    I would also have your mom/aunt whoever you trust with wedding details spread the word about no plus-ones/kids/etc. You can also put this information on a wedding website and let your guests know of its existence.

    It's super frustrating when people assume kids/plus-ones/etc. are invited to a wedding and you hear through the grape vine that so-and-so is planning on bringing her kids/new bf. Having designated family liaisons can help mitigate awkward confrontations!

    Best of luck to you!

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I think you should wait to address this issue after your invitations go out. Do you have them designed and ready to go yet? If not, I’d suggest putting something on the RSVP card that says “1 seat has been reserved in your honour”, that way the invited guest will know that there’s no plus one allowed. I’m sure you’d still get people calling to try to clarify it, but it’s the best thing I can think about without confronting people about it.
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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    Do you already have their address'? Maybe you could use that as an excuse to call them - even if you do have them, and mention that you are sorry in advance that you can't extend the invites for their S/O's?

    That or have your parents call up your Aunt's and Uncle's to express your concern? I know I could get my Mom to call her siblings "just to catch up" and then slide in there that "Oh, and Tori is beyond stressed with the wedding - she's got it in her head that all of her cousins are just going to assume they have a plus one or ignore the fact that kids are not invited" and go from there?

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  • Jillian
    Frequent user September 2022 Ontario
    Jillian ·
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    Im worried they will plan and book flights now before getting the actual invite. They clearly arent paying attention to any of the detail. We are also doing mailed rsvps
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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Guests assuming they have their other half or family invited is just jumping to conclusions. Do follow up with the information to say that Its an Adult evening only and no plus 1's. As the recent website I went to see my cousins wedding information, there was the individuals name and events to accept/decline. I would have the RSVP information with the particular guests name which can't be modified in any manner on the actual invite.

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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    Oh I hate when people assume that others are invited when it isn’t their wedding! Stand your ground! If you don’t want plus ones and kids, stick to that!
    Send out the invites just addressed to the person you are inviting and clearly state that only one person is invited.
    Maybe you could have your parents talk to family members and just let them know there are no plus ones
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