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Marissa
Newbie September 2021 Ontario

Handling "bossy" bridal party members

Marissa, on March 15, 2018 at 21:07 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 14
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Hi everyone. Does anyone have advice on handling bossy MOH or Bridesmaids? My MOH has already taken upon herself to decide how my wedding will be (i.e. she is telling me what colour theme i should have, where i should get married) and everytime someone asks me a question about my wedding she answers (doesnt let me) with what she thinks i should pick. Im having a really hard time with her already and i haven't dug deep into planning yet. She is my sister and i feel like she should still be my in my wedding party. I have spoke to her and told her its not her wedding but she doesnt take me seriously. I just don't know to handle her anymore. Should i make her a bridesmaid instead? (I will point out that i have not yet asked her to be in my wedding party). Any advice is appreciated.

14 Comments

Latest activity by Vinod, on March 16, 2018 at 13:01
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Its difficult with a sibling when planning your wedding. Your sister needs to be backing off. She isn't the one paying the costs to make a point. You know what you're doing and the choices for the day.

    My brother was the same to think he knew it all and to try to make the shots. That put a strain on our talks and conversations for a year. At the end, we put everything aside and had our bond back. It will be a tough few tuggles here and there with your sister durinf this time.
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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    I think you need to speak to her about it ASAP. Advice and opinions are fine, and generally welcome, but she is not to dictate or decide your wedding for you. Stand firm for your ideas and your vision even if it is to family!

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  • Jen
    VIP June 2018 Ontario
    Jen ·
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    You just need to tell her straight up how it's going to be and if she can't get on board then she needs to back off.

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  • Marissa
    Newbie September 2021 Ontario
    Marissa ·
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    Thank you so much. Your messaged helped me a lot. I guess I will just need to make sure i express how i feel. I guess it wouldnt hurt to have my mom talk to her as well. Thanks again.
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  • AnaDev
    Newbie August 2018 Ontario
    AnaDev ·
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    Pull her aside and tell her gently and firmly that you are excited she's excited about your wedding but she has to be able to see your vision of your day because you can't have anyone in your bridal party that isn't there to stand by you and back you up rather than take things over. And to let you at least get out your ideas for your wedding. Or another approach is after she's done talking you can go ahead and tell people what "you and your fiance are actually thinking about doing". Maybe after a few times of that happening and them pulling her aside she'll finally understand how serious you are.

    Also if you don't straighten this out now it could continue and ruin you and your husband-to-be's big day. Remember you are also advocating for your fiances ideas now too. I have seen cases where the sister or family member take it into their hands to change a decision the bride and groom have decided on, behind their back, and the change isn't evident until their wedding day.

    If she really isn't listening to you, ask a parent or a good friend to talk to her. So she can see how this is making you feel and affecting you. In the end other people are going to try and force you into decisions you don't want so, this will be a good practice run for the rest of your family who will think this is their chance to throw their own party extravaganza rather than celebrating you and your husband.

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  • Marissa
    Newbie September 2021 Ontario
    Marissa ·
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    I will have to really show her i am serious. I wish she just cared more about my feelings.
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  • Marissa
    Newbie September 2021 Ontario
    Marissa ·
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    Yeah super difficult!! Thank you for your words of wisdom
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  • Marissa
    Newbie September 2021 Ontario
    Marissa ·
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    Thank you. I will have to try and tackle this problem as soon as possible. I will have to show her i am serious
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  • Renee
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Renee ·
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    This is tough since she's you sister! You must be firm girl and let her know that while you love her enthusiasm, this is your day and you will choose and do as you please. She won't be the last to put her two cents that's for sure (it happens to me ALL the time!) but keeping at the front of your mind a reminder that this is your day and you'll do what you want will help you stay calm.
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  • Karen
    Expert September 2018 Ontario
    Karen ·
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    Let her know her opinions are welcomed but at the end of the day it's your wedding. Therefore, you'll decide on colour scheme, venue, cake etc. If your really close to her give her a chance if you do want to make her your MOH. If not sit he out and have a serious talk cuz sometimes they just need to hear it.
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  • Courtney
    Super July 2018 Ontario
    Courtney ·
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    All I can advise is to nip this behaviour in the bud right away. The longer you allow it to go on, the harder it will be.

    If it were me, I think I would talk to her and tell her that she needs to back off and let me make the decisions, and that I would like her to be my MOH but I can't include her with this behaviour. I bet that would make her shape up pretty fast.

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  • Ashley
    Frequent user August 2018 British Columbia
    Ashley ·
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    My bridal party consists of my 3 older sisters and a long time family friend. Everyone including myself is very laid back so this planning thing has been a breeze so far!

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  • Marissa
    Newbie September 2021 Ontario
    Marissa ·
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    Thank you for the advice. I think she is causing more stress then I need. I hope she will listen to me.
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  • Ashley
    Frequent user August 2018 British Columbia
    Ashley ·
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    Hello Marissa,

    You will eventually have to take charge and tell her straight up your concerns. Unfortunately it may come off as being rude but its YOUR wedding so you need to make sure that you are making decisions based on what YOU want. Advise is greatly appreciated but you should have the final say in everything. And if she doesn't agree with you, then maybe she's not cut out to be in your wedding. A little harsh but the last thing you need is to have someone else's wedding. These times leading up to your wedding should be the happiest!

    Good luck with the planning!

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