Guest List: Making the Cut

Thanks everyone for all the tips. Plus-ones and co-workers have always been a no-go. As for family, we decided that with part of my side, it would be best to just say we eloped because I can already predict World War 3 would commence if they knew about it (some separate family drama contributes to that as well).

A lot of it will likely be gut feelings because it's difficult to pick and choose between friends you both are close to in similar ways. We have quite a bit of time before it has to be finalized so we'll be able to take this all into consideration.

I would say if you have doubts about inviting someone, we had guests on our lists that were maybes. We ended up taking them off completely, so that cut down our numbers by about 10 or so.

I hear you! Our guest list was at 95 with just family and my venue holds 74. We started by cutting family (cousins etc.) we don't talk to as often. We then cut some of the kids. The only people getting plus ones are in serious relationships as well. I talked to my cousin about it as she got married recently and she said people may be upset but at the end of the day they are still family and will get over it.

We also have a small list (48, but i tried for 20 . We put the mandatories on the list (Mum, best man etc) and then made a list of a handful of friends/cousins. From there we each alternated and started to pick from the top of the pile 'Who is the one person I cannot get married without them there?" Once we hit our desired number we stopped. It felt less brutal, vs cutting people from the bottom (yes, this is a mental game). There are so many people that are not attending that I would love to have , but unless we have unlimited funds or sacrifice the intimacy we just cannot. I hope that those friends are dear enough to understand that. We are also not doing plus-ones.

If your concerned about the guest list increasing, let the family not invited know space is limted. Plus ones limit to family only and not friends or coworkers.

If you decide to increase the guest list, consider pushing the reception 1-2 weeks down so you can have everyone you want to celebrate your occasion.

My friend did a small wedding. And they both have big families. So they decided no cousins. And no family or friends they hadnt spoken to in a year.

32 people, wow! Your guest list is even smaller than mine at 48.

It's not an easy decision to make, but I find it is best to prioritize; for example, my current intention is to only invite my closest friend from work, rather than all of my co-workers. Our co-workers know we are close in age and see we get along well, so I think they'd be more understanding of me inviting just her, rather than me also inviting my boss and supervisor, who I also considered inviting. My fiancé also considered inviting a family member from his mom's side, but his mom was quick to ask him to consider all of the subsequent people he'd have to invite as a result of inviting that one relative.

To summarize: try to avoid inviting family members and friends who you can't invite without inviting an entourage that goes with them. Also, if you can limit plus ones, it doesn't hurt to try (ex: if you have two cousins who's mother and father are attending too, they will have each other and therefore do not need to have a plus one, granted they are not engaged or married).

A thing we're doing, sort of because of that as well - we have a small room and cannot exceed budget in terms of switching rooms so we have limited guest count - is that we're sending something called 'participation cards'. Apparently this is something that people do in Colombia, which is where I'm from, that if for whatever reason you're not inviting EVERYONE you know, you send them a participation cards kind of to let them know that you're getting married and that you were thinking of them on the day but circumstances made it impossible for you to invite them.

We're sending out 60 participation cards to extended family and family that we know won't make it (out of town) and friends of parents. That way they know we love them but we unfortunately cannot invite them.

In your case, I think you should just stick to your gut, invite who you absolutely want there and spread the word to everyone else. I know my FMIL has been telling people that my FH and I are paying for our own wedding and we're keeping it very intimate and so that's why they won't be invited - to those people we're sending participation cards - and you could do the same. Tell people that unfortunately you are having a really small wedding for really close friends and family and that you can celebrate with them another time.

It's tough but I think the best way is to just go with your gut. Make a list of every single person you'd want to invite and slowly knock a few people off in rounds as you read through the list. If the thought of having to take them off the list makes you feel really upset, they're probably someone you really want and need there!

We are still working on our guest list but have been rewriting our guest list weekly to make it smaller and eliminate to meet our budget requirements. It took me a long while to realize that I dont actually need to invite cousins who I haven't spoken to in years just because they're family!

When we were making our guest list, we found these guidelines to be pretty helpful:

Anybody you haven’t spoken to in a year (or two); Co-workers you’ve never seen outside of work; People you’re only considering inviting because they invited you to theirs; Anybody who would introduce drama or bring on bad vibes with their presence; Anyone just your parents want to invite (unless they’re footing part of the bill); Anyone you wouldn’t normally buy dinner for; Anyone your partner hasn’t met.

Obviously, not all of these will work for both of you, but at least it'll give you some pointers to start with! Hope this helps

There is the 5-year rule which you could make a smaller time span? Like anyone you haven't spoken to or hung out with in the last 1-2 years doesn't get invited.
For sure limit the plus ones and co workers. Otherwise just the people you are in constant contact with or you can't imagine not having at your wedding.
Hope that helps!