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Alyssa
Curious April 2021 Manitoba

Guest list... help!

Alyssa, on September 30, 2020 at 21:52 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 8
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I am having such a hard time making my guest list.
My fiancé and I want a small wedding because he is from out of the country. So whether we had it here or there, we would need a small wedding because one of us would end up with way less guests. We felt that this wasn’t fair and either way one of us would be unhappy.
Anyways, we chose to have it here because his immediate family was more willing to make the trip, but we decided to keep it to 15 people each. This also fits with our feelings about spending a ton of money on a wedding.Anyways, I have 2 uncles and they both have a wife and 2 kids. One of my four cousins is married with 2 children. Out of all of these people, I am only in contact with one of my uncles. Originally, I decided not to invite any of them because that is 11 people. However my one uncle, I am so close with. I lived with him for a couple months, we visit every year and text every few months. It makes me sad thinking about not having him there. But I also have 0 desire to take up my entire guest list on people I don’t ever talk to.Anyways, I know I can’t just invite my uncle without inviting his wife and my other uncle and so on. I’m feeling like it’s all or nothing but it’s a really hard choice to make. I’m wondering what others thoughts might be on this.Why is the guest list the most stressful part?!

8 Comments

Latest activity by Vinod, on October 14, 2020 at 12:32
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    Your guest list can be minimal with the family you want present without any guilty feelings. The consideration of just going just witnesses could work and hold off for a bigger reception later next year or two. The travelling may not be in some of the favours due to the times given of the safety.

    The guilty conscious would be less and knowing your uncles and their families would be present to celebrate your anniversary.

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  • Celine
    Frequent user October 2022 Quebec
    Celine ·
    • Dispute

    If you want your uncle there, I would invite him and his wife. You shouldn't feel as though you have to invite his kids and the rest of your extended family as well. It's your day and you need to do what makes you happy.

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  • Christiana
    Super November 2020 British Columbia
    Christiana ·
    • Dispute
    I think you can and should just invite your uncle. Let him know what the circumstances are and that you weren’t planning on any extended family but you really want him there. It’s possible a few feathers might get ruffled but I think people will be understanding when they hear how small your wedding is.
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  • Alyssa
    Curious April 2021 Manitoba
    Alyssa ·
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    View quoted message
    This is what my mom said too! She said that because my cousins are all adults, then I don’t have to invite them. I just felt a little weird because two of my cousins are just barely adults. Like they both live at home and one just turned 18. So I was afraid to seem rude when I sent an invite to their house with them not on it!
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  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia ·
    • Dispute
    If it were me I might reach out to the uncle and explain that you're trying to keep the ceremony small and see if he wants to come alone/without his kids. I would be willing to bet that if the two of you are close he will be understanding and will want to be there even without his whole family. If you want to smooth things over with the rest of your/his family you could have a larger get together later on, but that's entirely up to you.


    This year we are only having immediate family and our wedding party and my mom did get several messages from aunt's and uncles who are hurt that they aren't invited, but once she explained the covid situation they understood. Hopefully next year we can have a bigger get together with more (but still not all!) The aunt's/uncles/cousins. I have one cousin who is married into a family who HATE me and my friends (seriously I wouldn't be surprised if she sabotaged things) so they won't be invited. The ones I don't talk to or see as often might be hurt, but if you want to be a part of my life do it all year and not just on the most important and special day of our life.
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  • M
    Newbie November 2020 British Columbia
    Miranda ·
    • Dispute

    Hi,

    What I'm doing is having a ceremony with the closest people and generally people I want there and then I'm having two receptions. The first reception will be family and more elderly close family friends and the second will just be friends and more of a party.

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  • Cindy
    Frequent user May 2021 Alberta
    Cindy ·
    • Dispute

    Hi Alyssa,

    We did not want a big wedding to begin with so the smaller the guest list the better, one for the money since we are paying for it and two because neither of us like being the center of attention. LOL. This will also be my fiancés second wedding so he was easy when it came to who he wanted to invite. Close family and close friends and I did the same. My biological dads side of the family will not be invited and that was hard at first but then I remembered I only see and speak to them once a year. The one cousin that I talk to more often will be the only one invited from that side.

    With that being said, my advice is invite the uncle and his wife that you are close to and leave the rest out. You can blame COVID restrictions if you need to but in the end it is your wedding and you need to do what makes you happy.

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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
    • Dispute

    I think in your case, you can ask just the two uncles and their wives so it's 4 instead of 11.

    We're in a similar position. Forced to downsize due to covid and her family alone is 45+.

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