Girl talk anyone?

Bridesmaids are difficult.

I love my friends, two of my bridesmaids were AMAZING and two.. less so. I was also really upset, 3 of the girls didn't come to my wedding shower. All I can say, now that I'm on the other side is to really keep in mind the following things:

1. Do you really not want these girls in your life at all. Period. End of story? Or would you regret if you cut them out completely later down the road.

2. What are these girls NORMALLY like. Are they normally super reliable, or are they a bit flakey? Some girls just don't get it, and don't do it to be mean, but just cause they don't get it. One of my bridesmaids, I love her, but I realized the expectations of what being a bridesmaid is just doesn't match with who she is as a person. Once I accepted that, it was easier to let it roll off my back if she didn't behave the way I wish she did.

3. Weird emotions come up for women around weddings. My best friend got engaged before me. I was SO happy for her, but there was a party of me that goes 'why not me'. She admitted she did the same thing for another friend actually lol. I know one of my bridesmaids struggled as she's been with her partner for 8 years, and yet I got married first after 3 years.

I'm really sorry you had to go through that, but I do recommend just to tell them that it had been important to you, and you're so sad they weren't there to celebrate with you. If you tell them this calmly, I would see how they react and go from there.

View quoted message They basically just told me lies and can’t back up their stories...

View quoted message They knew the date , time and place months , weeks and days before and they just didn’t show up. It was unbelievable.

View quoted message Thank you for the support!!!! Very much appreciate!!!

View quoted message Couldn’t agree more Sarah !

View quoted message I know right !!! I shouldn’t have said anything I’m kinda kicking myself in the ass now.

Oh wow, that is hurtful. Did you organize it and invite them officially? How many ditched and did they even give a reason? If so, what was it? I definitely think it’s rude to ditch, especially if they told you they were coming and you ordered food and/or reserved seating for them. If they really don’t have a good reason, this is a sign. I’ve been in and seen bridal parties where bridesmaids are in it more for themselves and you don’t want to deal with that, trust me.

They said they were coming and then just bailed without even saying anything?

I'd be super hurt and pissed. That's not OK.

It's one thing if they were unable to go due to a previously scheduled engagement and had let you know that ahead of time, or if they got sick, etc. But for them to just bail and act like they did nothing wrong is super shitty.

I'm sorry

Do you have other friends or family in mind that are more reliable?

I’m so sorry to hear that.

Did they give a valid reason for not showing up? If not, I would look to create a new bridal party as they’re clearly not good friends or reliable. You deserve better!

Aww Julia, so sorry to hear that happened to you, definitely not the way you want your bridesmaid to start acting so early. Do you know if they had an emergency? that would be their only valid excuse, i.e. in the hospital emergency. Otherwise that is totally not cool, I wouldn't even know how to handle the situation from there. I probably would cut them off, but maybe give your self some time before you talk to them, they may have a valid reason. But either way not letting you know in advance is not reliable, especially as bridesmaids. I lost two bridesmaids/friends during the process, its crazy how wedding planning and getting married shows you who your true friends are! Hopefully everything will work out. Keep your head up high, don't let this affect you too much, as long as you have your FH, thats all you need! Happy planning!

No way, that’s awful! I get that no one will be more excited than we are for our weddings. That being said, who does that?! If they can’t even be bothered to show up, then what about a bachelorette or bridal shower or just getting together to plan things? I would talk to them and tell each of them how hurt you are by it. Hopefully it all comes together!

Aw Julia, I'm so sorry that happened to you. Your "friends" better have a good excuse as to why they ditched. Are you newly engaged? If so, maybe consider ditching the whole wedding party thing and just have you and your FH up there for the day. I think wedding parties are a little overrated anyway

If they can’t be there for an engagement party I wouldn’t count on them to be there for the biggest day of your life. Sometimes cutting people out is the best thing you can do. It also sends the message home that they need to get it together if they want to be your friend.

They better have a good reason! What kind of friends ditch on an engagement party? I’d be pretty furious too. I definitely think you made the right call on thinking over whether you want them or not. I honestly wouldn’t ask anyone to be in your bridal party until you’re a year/ year and a half out. I’m regretting one of my choices because I asked too early, but I can’t really ask her to step down because she hasn’t done anything to deserve that. I wish you luck with them and hopefully they start acting like friends!

View quoted message

They didn't show up at all.. and didn't even message me till i called them out on it, but yea for the safety of the idea of them still being my bridesmaids ill need to give myself lots of time !
thank you for the girl talk, much needed!

Hey Julia. When you said they ditched, did they leave early, or did they not come at all? Either way I'm sorry it left you feeling hurt, that really sucks. I think your plan to give yourself some time to calm down before reaching out to them is a good one. It may be that something very serious is going on in their lives that forced them to miss the party and they might really need your support right now. I hope they do have a good explanation, but I also hope it wasn't caused by something serious!

You have a very long time before your wedding, and feelings could change, so I don't think you need to make any final decisions now about who is out and who is in. Give yourself time and space to feel hurt, and for them to give you an explanation, and then see how you feel and how your relationships progress as time goes on.

View quoted message

Ugh i know i talked to one of them but her story didn't add up.

then i called out the other one and she was just being dumb and acting like she didn't do anything wrong.

I don't know about you guys but any wrong moves from the people who want to be in my wedding is a cut off, I'll have no problem to cut them out of my life. I need people I can depend on and trust..

I really needed them there and they let me down.

I'm sorry to hear that! Did you ask them why they didn't attend. Unfortunately I think maybe it's best to cut them out of the wedding, they missed an important event already. I'd definitely talk to them about why they ditched, how it made you feel and then ask them if they can be trusted to be an important part of your wedding. If they feel they can't live up to your expectations then they don't need to be a bridesmaids. It will definitely be a hard conversation but it's something that needs to be done.

Thank you

I know ! that really made me want to cry but i was so busy i couldn't even sit down. I haven't talked to them yet and I know when my mouth gets started when I'm hurt or mad it could be pretty messy... I will deff give myself time maybe do some yogo or something before talking to them. I honestly don't know to feel or anything like that. Just hurts.

Oh no!

I'm so sorry that happened to you, that sounds awful!

I would be so mad and so hurt and you have every right to be upset!

I think you should take a day or so to calm down and have your emotions in check, and then talk to them and explain why you feel the way you feel and basically -if you're prepared to do so- give them an ultimatum and be like, are you in or out. because you can't have that added stress of wondering if they are going to ditch again or not.