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Stephanie
Master July 2018 Alberta

Getting time to yourself

Stephanie, on February 7, 2018 at 14:08 Posted in Living together 0 19

Hey all,

My fiance and I do not live together so right now we each have our own house to go to. I am the type of person who just needs time to myself to rewind and re-energize. Sometimes, an entire evening (or even my day off) completely to myself. Anyone else like this? How were you able to balance time with your fiance and by yourself? I don't want to kick him out when I need to be completely alone but I also know I need that time every once in awhile.

19 Comments

Latest activity by Vinod, on August 12, 2018 at 20:39
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    This is a big one for me personally.

    I love my time with friends and family whenever its given apart from work. My husband is wonderful yet pushy to go to the boat (3 hours drive to Grand Bend) whenever the chance is given. I feel its tiring especially when the time flies by and I feel exhausted.

    I need my time after I give it to everyone else. This being said, there is no need for me to go out or do anything unless its needed. I love staying home and being with the kids (dogs) giving them my time and attention as needed. That's the relaxing time I get to feel quiet and peaceful.

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  • Kaisha
    Super March 2019 Nova Scotia
    Kaisha ·
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    We do this quite often as well, he has his desk set up in the family room so I can watch tv or whatever and he will do his thing. I like my space but he is also in the navy so when he is home sometimes I want to spend all my time with him. When he has been gone for a long time or is getting ready to leave we do everything together. We go grocery shopping together, we cook together, we spend our weekends and evenings together, we definitely don't get sick of each other.

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  • Kaisha
    Super March 2019 Nova Scotia
    Kaisha ·
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    When I need time alone I will sometimes go to the gym. We also have a 3 bedroom house so I have one room set up as "my" room, I do my painting in there or sometimes I will set up a puzzle. I will also watch Netflix in bed while folding laundry, this is a necessary task but I find the space nice I close the door and escape from him and the dogs.

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  • Sara
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Sara ·
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    I'm sure he will feel the same. Spending time together is always awesome, but there's going to be times when you both want time alone. So maybe schedule days off, you go out with friends while he stays at home alone or vice versa. Maybe find a different room to do your own thing.

    We live in a very small one bedroom apartment, so sometimes I'll go to the bedroom while he's in the living room and we each do our own things. Every few months we each have friends' days where we're gone all day with our respective friends and then the other person gets alone time.

    I think you both need to coordinate how you want to work it out so that it works for you both.

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  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    I've always been a girl who needs and loves her alone time. Even when we started to date for the first bit I still like my alone time. Even though we moved in together 4 months into the relationship is till thought I'd need that time. And I get it when he's at work and I'm not. But the longer we've lived together the more I find myself not wanting as much alone time. And when I do I just tell him that I want to be alone for a bit have some quiet time and I'll go to the bedroom. He's totally good with it and doesn't get offended.
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  • Jocelyn
    Expert August 2018 Ontario
    Jocelyn ·
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    Me too- i need space from my family, his friends etc, so i deliberately plan date nights for us once in a while..and i like knowing he's nearby while im reading/watching tv etc,
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  • Valérie
    VIP September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·
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    There are certain interests/activities we like to keep to ourselves, just so that we don’t end up doing everything together all the time. For example, he golfs and I hate it. I go to spin classes and do surf retreats by myself. I feel like that helps a lot and we get to share new stories. We are also very vocal about needing our own space, especially when living in a tiny 1-bedroom apartment.

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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    We live in a 1200 sq town house with 2 bedroom so there is space for us to relax and what not. As sometimes I hang out in the bedroom and he in the living room watch separate things and do separate things.

    Luckily we work opposite schedules so he works mornings and I evenings, so when we do say get the odd night or morning off together we do cherish it. We both also have Sundays off as us day but sometimes it doesn't always happen as either he goes out with the guys for lunch or I go out with the girls for lunch. So that way we still have the day to ourselves. Actually last sunday he went to a car show with a friend of his all day from like 10AM-6PM so that was ample time for me to enjoy me-time. He encourages me to go out and I do the same for him as well.

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  • Kris
    Frequent user June 2018 British Columbia
    Kris ·
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    We are planning to move in later this month when he comes home from a work trip. We decided to test out our ability to live in the same space. We live in different cities, and I work in another city - we talk on the phone and text when we can't see each other- so being together a lot more will test us as I also need time alone, especially as I love reading.

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  • Courtney
    Super July 2018 Ontario
    Courtney ·
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    We might be an odd couple that can literally spend 24/7 together. I need space from everyone besides him. However we don't need to interact constantly. I like knowing he's there so well sit together in the living room but he'll play his video game and I'll read.

    We do also make sure to spend time with our friend apart too.
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  • Jen
    VIP June 2018 Ontario
    Jen ·
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    I'm a nurse and spend pretty much all day talking and around people caring for them and I'm an introvert. Every 6 weeks I get a week off so I have the time during the day while he's at work to myself. I spend that time doing things like catching up with you ladies, looking for new things for the wedding, or even just cruising facebook. Even those days when I come home from work and had a bad day all I have to say to him is that I had a rough day and need my space and he gives it to me. Either he will hang out in the living room and I in the bedroom or he will just lay or sit beside me in silence and let me do my thing.

    Before he moved in with me I had been living alone for a while, other than having my daughter here. It was very hard to adjust to having somebody around all the time but you eventually get used to it. It just becomes a norm and then it gets weird when they aren't here.

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  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
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    My fiancé and I moved in together almost instantly, 3 months in, about 5 years ago. What we do (because I totally need me time, as does he) is have something we do that allows us time to ourselves. Mine is usually bubble baths, or letting him sleep longer than me on weekends to watch some of my shows. He goes out to friends houses, often with other "husbands" who need a night off. We also have learned even if we are both sitting at home, one person can go in the bedroom and watch tv or relax, while the other is in the living room, and that isn't us ignoring each other, just taking time for ourselves.

    Never feel bad about it. Marriages work when two people have their own lives, and live them together. Becoming inseparable or dependent can cause built up resentment that doesn't need to be there. I agree with Joey, before you move in together, communicate and set up some ground "rules" or a game plan regarding "me times", personal spaces, and boundaries. This can also backfire the other way, where you have to start planning time together because you do so much individually. Try and find a balance!

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  • Cathrine
    Devoted April 2018 Ontario
    Cathrine ·
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    I was always like that so I was worried when my fiancé moved in but thankfully it’s not been a problem. It’s been enough for me to just go to another room and do what I want if I want. I actually find that I don’t want to be to far away from him. The other room is far enough.
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  • Maegan
    Super July 2018 British Columbia
    Maegan ·
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    I hear ya! Im definitely an extrovert but i still need space to myself once in a while. When FH and i first moved in together we lived in a small Suite that had a essentially a bathroom, a bedroom and kitchen/living space/front entrance room. So there really wasnt much space to have any privacy or to get away from the other person (aka id have to listen to his video games no matter where i was in the house).

    You really just need to sit down with each other and work out a schedule that gives some space to each other as often as you as a couple require.
    We ended up working it out the i would not plan anything for wednesday evenings when he went to soccer practice and id have the place to myself and he would have the place to himself for a couple hours every day before i got home from work.

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I’m like Canadace where I just have my alone time when my fiancé isn’t home. That’s usually a small amount of the afternoon/evening after I’m done school. We usually take one night off during the week to do whatever we want separately.
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  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
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    My fiance and I currently live in a one bedroom apartment so we were worried about this as well. It worked out well for us because I usually work Sun-Thurs and he works Mon-Fri so I get Friday alone at home and he gets Sunday. He also works mornings and I work evenings so we have a couple hours together when I get home each night and then when he goes to bed I stay up for a couple hours by myself. It works really well for us! Otherwise we just hangout in the bedroom and read or watch some tv while the other hangs out in the living room Smiley smile

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  • Joey
    WeddingWire Admin May 2015 Maryland
    Joey ·
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    I had one more thought - when you do eventually move in together, see if you can each carve out some space that is all your own. I don't know how big your place will be but it doesn't need to be a full room or anything, but even if it is putting extra care into setting up the place where you'll put your makeup on, a comfy chair in the bedroom with all your favorite books and fuzzy blankets and some nice candles, a corner of the living room where you put your exercise equipment and yoga mat... whatever it is that helps you recharge and feel safe, do that little place up special so that you feel at home and comforted there. Then you'll always know that you have that place to retreat to when you need your time.

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  • Joey
    WeddingWire Admin May 2015 Maryland
    Joey ·
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    I 100% identify with you! I am a true introvert. I like people, I think I'm pretty friendly, but I have to have alone time or I get very stressed and unhappy. Even though I adore my DH I very regularly need to spend time away from him (and everyone!) so I can recharge my batteries. Because we have different interests and different ways we like to spend our free time I usually have a very easy time getting my alone time without even trying, for example most nights after we eat dinner and hang out together for a while, he wants to go play video games with his (virtual) friends, and I go upstairs and read a book or take a bath or watch Netflix or otherwise hang out alone. And if I'm extra stressed and really need to be totally left alone I try to explain that to my DH, and after so many years with me he knows it's nothing personal! Even a simple "I had a bad day and need to just lay around in my pajamas for an hour or two, but let's go for ice cream after that, ok?" works wonders for me getting the space I need without hurting his feelings. Be sensitive to the way you ask, but don't ever be afraid to ask for the time and space you need in order to be your best self!

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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    I know how you feel. When my husband moved in with me, prior to our marriage, I had been living on my own in my place for about 6 years. I will sometimes tell him that I need some quiet time and I go take a bath or read in our den and ask him not to bother me. I am also lucky as he and his buddies do a boys night every Monday. You could also give yourself solo date nights. Go out for a coffee or some cocktails by yourself to unwind.

    At first I found it difficult having someone around all the time but now it is the new normal.

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