Frustrations- BM has wedding same year and in their wedding party

I had to read this like a few times to get my brain to understand how she can be so difficult to deal with while being on both sides ie bride and bridesmaid. She knows how much planning it takes and everything seems to be her way or the highway which doesn't make sense. Like you said about getting the style # and colour go from there, I think tip top does rentals for 175 and maybe even going to that store where your FH was to buy and get a colour swatch/sample if possible and see what you can do. Get a shirt from anywhere, seeing as everyone else has a grey shirt, it can't possibly be the same shirt! It sure seems convenient that she switches colours to suit her budget and tastes.

View quoted message

Oh believe me I get you... as soon as money goes in my account it goes out. Our monthly budget and financial planning right now has like $5 dollars of wiggle room each month.

I am playing a softball tournament in May.. and normally you just pay your share when you get there or the week before. The captain just messaged out of the blue to ask us for the cash.

It's really embarrassing to be like "hey uhhh. I don't actually have $40 cash in my bank account right now"

Also that sounds like a good plan. Hopefully it works out!

View quoted message

I am going to get all the style numbers and see if I can get it cheaper online somewhere else or wait and see if any sales. Either way its just not something we can buy this second. Her husband is wearing the light grey suit, all the guys wearing the same suit which is charcoal grey.

We will just have to save up to be able to afford the extra amount. Its a 100 more which isn't overly much but we weren't in any position to spend anything right now as we had bunch of large bills come out. We thought we were paying it end of May

View quoted message

Yikes she just sounds difficult. Can you just go find a grey shirt at marshalls or something? If none of the rests are exactly the same anyways?

It sucks when you try to have an honest conversation with someone, and they just get defensive and turn things around.

As for the other people. They might just be the type to avoid confrontation. Or realize she is easier to deal with if they just agree.

I do think it's rude to request your wedding party spend that much (especially over what you originally told them) , and not offer to at least gift them something small.. like the tie.

And once again maybe FH can sell the suit after? Here is to hoping at least.

And I would say in regards to your wedding.. don't cater to her requests. Do what you want, and if she doesn't like it too fricken bad! Tell her she is being unreasonable.

View quoted message I’m so angry for you.

Thats not fair at all! If it were me I would definitely tell you to try and rent - why do you need to buy it? I don’t understand!

Do you happen to know what items she wants people to buy? That way, you can go to the store and say we would like all these items but to rent instead of to buy?

Thats what I would do. Rent anyway.

View quoted message

Sometimes people don't make it easy to be the bigger person. For sure keep an eye out for sales and see if you can get the same suit at a cheaper place, my dad actually found a suit jacket at Value Village for my brother that looks EXACTLY like his from Moore's. If you get the style you can shop around online and in other stores. Hopefully it all works out and you don't have to spend more money then necessary

View quoted message

I did end up talking to her and she thought I was being unreasonable. I just told her we canceled the order for the suit he paid for as our bills come first. I also pointed out that the price she mentioned was over 100 dollars less and was wondering what happened to the pricing. She said she didn't have much to do with it... don't believe that though as he had a list apparently in her writing what to get. I also asked if there was any renting options as this is something we can't afford. She said no the choice was made to buy and we would need to figure it out. I just said hopefully there is a sale and we will buy when the time is right as she still has 4 months till she gets married so there is time.

I also tried to see if anyone else who was stressed like us would stick with us and they all said they have calmed down and whats done is done. Felt little back stabbed as we all had seen each other after and everyone was very stressed. We are the only ones who have to buy this specific shirt as others said they have a grey shirt. so this is why its so much more for us. It was also mentioned that they won't be gifting the ties to us. This will be another 40 we have to pay.

I think since it's already done the only result of confronting it will be them apologizing (you would hope at least) and you having it off your chest.

You can for sure bring this up with her, I would. She is being unfair to you both and being that she is also getting married she knows the stress of it all. Just be honest and reasonable with her.

I don't know how much will be accomplished by addressing this specifically as it is already done.

However you can sit down with her and just express your feelings in general.

Without accusing, just explain that it's hard on you when one thing is discussed, and then other costs/decisions are sprung on you last minute. And that you would appreciate more transparency, and more notice in regards to expenses and etc so that you can figure it out.

You can also address how you do not feel she has been very accommodating or supportive of your wishes, or things in regards to your wedding. But tread carefully. She sounds like the type of person who could get heated very easily.

Just try to have an open discussion, clear the air, in a tasteful way. Maybe she is just so caught up in her own stuff and stressed out, that she doesn't realize how she is making you two feel or coming across.

I mean in regards to the renting vs buying. I know its frustrating. But he agreed to be in the wedding party... if the suits they want aren't available to rent.. it sucks but it's also part of the deal. I have participated in weddings where my BM dress was 350... and hideous but it wasn't my choice. It does suck it was sprung on you like that.. it should have been more of a discussion and forth coming. Maybe he can try to sell it after? But in that aspect I think you are kinda SOL. Especially if everyone else has already bought.

Even though you had discussed sharing suit colours.. you do have to realize it is her wedding too. It is reasonable that she changed her mind, or wanted hers to stand out different if you have overlapping guests. It sucks that you weren't informed, but what can you do?

On the flip side it is also reasonable for you to say that her FH's suit doesn't match your colours and he will have to rent a suit to match. Don't cater to them because it's what they want. It's your wedding.

I mean I am sure certain things our wedding party have paid for wouldn't have been all of their first choices. But we tried to be accommodating and budget conscious. But some peoples ideas of a reasonable price point are a lot different than others.

is your FH good friends with her FH? That might be another approach. Have the guys talk some stuff over.

Buying an renting options always varies by companies based on sizing and costs.

Your end of asking this individual to get the dress needed for your wedding makes the look complete and consistent to other BMs. Her choice to decline is out of the question and making excuses not to do what is asked from you.

For her part of the wedding of the men's side, she can't dictate if the cost for your husband goes up because of her demands. Your husband can rent if chosen oppose to buying if you don't like the colour and the suit isn't needed to wear again after her wedding.

This frustration of having the dress bought and his suit to be bought should be not done if one doesn't comply with another. If I were in this situation, I would directly say it wouldn't be fair if you don't get the dress and he doesn't have to purchase the suit. We can make this situation a fair balance and forget about the rest. If she doesn't agree with your solution, regretfully it seems there is not nothing she will be happy about compromising for you.

Stick to renting out rather than buying your FHs suit for her wedding and she doesn't like it, she can be upset as she doesn't respect your decision of the dress. I will leave it at that.