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Marcia
Super August 2018 Manitoba

Friendship conflicts & Wedding planning

Marcia, on May 8, 2018 at 11:49 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 31
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Have any of you brides lost friends during your wedding planning process. I feel like ever since I have been engaged, a few of my “friends” true colours have really started to come out. Even tho I have a lot of family and friends that are really supportive and helpful beyond belief. It just feels like these few negative bitter people really outweigh the positive. I feel like I should have just gotten eloped and not planned this wedding, and a lot of this stuff wouldn’t have happened. Feeling defeated, especially because wedding planning is already enough stress. I have one friend who I’ve known for 10 years+, that got her invitation and texted me how mad she was when she received it because I only reserved one seat for her, and said I should "know damn well" she can’t come unless she has a plus one (she wants to bring her young child, she has a lot of family support and can easily find a baby sister) how sad! (She also made no efforts to be a bridesmaid, so she is just guest) started with 7 bridesmaids, down to 5! The only children coming to our wedding are out of town guest and the children that are part of the wedding party. We are already over our budget, so we can’t invite everyone and tried are best to accommodate everyone, even though we would love to have everyone come. I’ve always heard that you will find out who your true friends are when you get married or have a baby, and now I understand. Have any of you brides dealt with friendship loss/stress during the planning process, how do you stay positive?

31 Comments

Latest activity by Becky, on May 13, 2018 at 22:06
  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    Sorry to hear your going through this! She shouldn’t have expected the children when she new where you stood and if she had dropped out of wedding and doesn’t have significant other, don’t expect a guest. I am dealing with my friend who is a bridesmaid and also engaged I am in hers as well, being very unusual towards me. I found out after I went and looked/tried on dress- she came with, that few days later she went someone and tried some on and picked the exact same style of dress and it looked basically the same as the one I wanted to buy but said I would come back as someone wasn’t able to be there. Now I ovb won’t get that dress, but she has been talking a lot of grab about me to my future sister in law who I am very close with. I don’t undersrand why she is among competition when I’m always supportive of her decisions and happy for her. I am hoping she drops out as I feel no support and all ideas I say she has them done in her wedding
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  • Krista
    Frequent user July 2018 Alberta
    Krista ·
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    I've been the "angry bridesmaid" and trust me... the conversations continue years after the event. Mainly when both parties are right in their own regard. It's crummy but I can tell you that it has made the friendship more dynamic, and now that it's my turn around the bend - I have so much respect for my bridesmaids and how stressful their role can be, that I think - atleast I hope - I haven't triggered anyone, if anything they are bugging me for things to do.

    Let people feel and carry on - just notice and approach people if you sense things going awry, be the peaceful bride - and AVOID ALL DRAMA - deep breaths!

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    We face unfortunate consequences when our friends don't seem to understand whats needs to be looked at invites wise and how expensive it is now adays. Its hard to beleive your friends want to make this stuck on you when its not your fault.

    I had 1 BM not wanting to be part of the reception entrance towards the month of the wedding. He was told in advance about practises foe the dancing aspect and told me the week of starting he was backing out. I told him out of anger not to even give a speech too.
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  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
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    Omg have I ever! So my first loss was my friend who I had asked to be a bridesmaid. I ended up firing her as a bridesmaid because her over protective boyfriend fought her about everything wedding related (she would sit at the head table without him, she would spend the morning getting ready with me and not him, etc) and so she would come to me about these problems and eventually I just told her it would be easier for her to be a guest so she can spend all that time with him instead of being a bridesmaid. Well she didn't like that I was "being bitchy" to her about it so she is no longer talking to me. Then my friend of 10+ years who was my MOH texted me one morning saying that "God is telling me to step down from MOH and away from this friendship" so she is gone! Ugh it's brutal
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  • Tatiana
    Expert April 2018 Ontario
    Tatiana ·
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    I had a close friend who was very excited to hear about my engagement or tho i thought. My other friend had told me she looked bitter for a slight second when i told her but i dismissed it. I sent out invites and got a text back saying "i'm not coming to your wedding" then she completely stopped talking to me, not a single text or call for over a year. Wedding has come and gone and no news. Very sad to have lost a firend but now i know true colours.

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  • Kila
    Frequent user September 2018 Ontario
    Kila ·
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    People just don’t get it. Most cannot even fathom how incredibly expensive a wedding can be and the amount of time and effort that goes into planning one . I did not lose any bridesmaids yet as maids or friends but we have lost two groomsmen . One situation was just that he could not afford it and that’s no biggie but then there was a lot of drama going on with the other one and my fiancé James asked not him to step down and they are not on speaking terms right now Smiley sad if your friends have shitty personalities you will surely see it during this time unfortunately. I hope things get better for you and one thing I found that helped for James and I was to step back and remember that this day is for us and it’s what we want. We are not obligated to accommodate every damn person because that is simply not possible . We just decided to accept that some will not come or will get jealous or weird and that’s fine . It’s our day . We only get one . To bad for them .
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  • Stacey
    Frequent user October 2019 Ontario
    Stacey ·
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    That’s really unfortunate to hear. i have a small family, so my friends have become my extension of a family so I could not begin to imagine if any of them started to become upset with me like they have in your situation. Maybe try talking to your friend and tell her that your on a budget, but compromise and tell her that she will have to be responsible for the cost of the child’s meal and everything else included for the evening. Luckily my friends and family have been so supportive of everything (mind you I am still in the very beginning of the planning process), the most support I’ve gotten has been a girlfriend of mine whom is also getting married a few months before. I think if we didn’t have eachother, we would have a harder time planning. We’ve become each others backbone and go to person when ot comes to brainstorming.
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  • Jackie
    Devoted April 2019 Ontario
    Jackie ·
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    Well that sucks for her. I really want you to enjoy your wedding. So please don’t sweat the same stuff and try not to let her ruin things for you xo
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  • Jocelyn
    Expert August 2018 Ontario
    Jocelyn ·
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    Thanks! i think she was so desperate to
    be with someone and tbh, she does NOT have good taste in guys- i've met almost every guy she ever dated...never really liked any of them
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  • Marcia
    Super August 2018 Manitoba
    Marcia ·
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    Hi Krystal, sorry your also going through a similar situation, it is hard and does hurt, but you are so right. At the end of the day the friends who stand by are the ones meant to be in your life. And the most important part about getting married is the relationship between us and our fiance's. I will definitely try to focus on all the positive moments for the rest of my planning months. Hope you have a wonderful wedding, August is a beautiful month Smiley smile.

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  • Marcia
    Super August 2018 Manitoba
    Marcia ·
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    Hi Erin, thank you for you kind words, really appreciate it. So happy for you that you have such a supportive team, it really makes a difference! Happy planning and hope you have an amazing wedding Smiley smile.

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  • Marcia
    Super August 2018 Manitoba
    Marcia ·
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    Hi Erin, thank you! I did let her know but she seems to not be understanding, so i'm just going to focus on all the positivity around me. So happy that you had such a supportive team, it really makes a difference. Smiley heart

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  • Marcia
    Super August 2018 Manitoba
    Marcia ·
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    Hi Bianca, I feel you on that, your so right I think I had a lot of expectations, anxiety and stress too that I've also become overly sensitive. No she has never planned a wedding, and I don't think she understands or is even willing to understand. I think I just had to let her go because she hasn't been acting like a friend anyways. I just made quick decisions about my bridal party out of excitement when I got engaged. Hopefully we both can find ways to destress, and enjoy the planning process. Happy planning, and hope you have an amazing wedding Smiley smile.

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  • Marcia
    Super August 2018 Manitoba
    Marcia ·
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    Thanks Jennifer, your so right! Smiley heart

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  • Marcia
    Super August 2018 Manitoba
    Marcia ·
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    Hi Jocelyn, sorry that happened to you, sometimes letting go and removing someone is the best way to go. Hope you have an amazing wedding, August is a great month Smiley smile.

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  • Marcia
    Super August 2018 Manitoba
    Marcia ·
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    Thanks Jennifer! Yes can't wait until all the planning is over, and the party starts lol. Your fiancé sounds wonderful and very attentive, i'm also in awe by how some guest try to make weddings about them. I will definitely try harder to focus on all the positive things instead.

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  • Krystal
    Curious August 2018 British Columbia
    Krystal ·
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    I have gone through a similar situation and it's hard and hurts but at the end of the day it's about you and your fiance and the best day of your life. Getting married only happens once (well it should only happen once lol) and you gotta take in every moment and let go of any negative ones because the reality is, is that it'll be you and your fiance against the world. Only the friends who stand by your side and make the effort are the ones that will always matter.
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  • Marcia
    Super August 2018 Manitoba
    Marcia ·
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    Thank you Jackie, really appreciate your word Smiley smile.

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  • Marcia
    Super August 2018 Manitoba
    Marcia ·
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    So true Jenn! Everyone really does have an opinion! We will get through this and come out better! Smiley heart

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  • Marcia
    Super August 2018 Manitoba
    Marcia ·
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    Thank you Stephanie for your advice, definitely think I need to be more level headed, and lean on my fiance more.

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  • Marcia
    Super August 2018 Manitoba
    Marcia ·
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    Thanks Jessica! Thats a great idea to hang out with my bridesmaids and just have a "no-wedding" girls day! Smiley smile

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  • Erin
    Super September 2019 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    Wow... I'm so sorry this has been so stressful for you! Sounds like your friend is being unreasonable. Try not to let it get to you. If she comes, great. If not, her loss, and one less person for you to worry about.
    Thankfully, my family and friends have all been wonderful (so far - knock on wood), but I'm always a bit wary... You never know what could set a person off...
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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    Sorry to hear that you are experiencing extra stress. I would just tell your friend that she is entitled to her opinion but that due to budget constraints you weren't able to invite everyone you wanted.

    We were pretty lucky that we didn't really have any of our friends change or lash out at us during our planning phase and/or wedding. Everyone was just really happy and supportive.

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I've had some friends true colours come out during this planning process and it's been a hurtful realization. I think that between my expectations, anxiety, and stress that I've become overly sensitive and am trying to believe that that could be the real issue between my friends and I. Unfortunately it sounds like your friend is being unreasonable about not being able to bring her small child to your wedding. Has she ever planned a wedding? If not then she probably doesn't understand the thought process that goes into letting children at the wedding and plus 1's.

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  • Jennifer
    Super July 2019 Ontario
    Jennifer ·
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    Ooohhhhh man! i'm sorry you are going through that. that really sucks. we haven't hit too much of anything like that. but we are in the beginning planning stages.

    personally...any friend wants to act like that. pffttt. no friend of mine. and BUH BYE! you don't need that kind of negativity. you take care of you and FH! that's IT!!!

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  • Jocelyn
    Expert August 2018 Ontario
    Jocelyn ·
    • Dispute
    Yep.
    i had this from one of my BMs. she also kept lying to me constantly about having split with the d-bag she was seeing. not wanting to deal with it any longer, i got to the point i kicked her out of the bridal party....it was the ONLY way for me to retain my sanity levels afterwards.
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  • Jennifer
    Super August 2018 Alberta
    Jennifer ·
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    I haven’t dealt with friendship loss but I have been dealing with a lot of friendship stress! I’ve been in awe with how some people treat you when it comes to YOUR wedding! Its great that you have some family and friends who are being so supportive I would let them know how much you appreciate it and just try and focus on the positives. I recently had a weekend with my fiancé where we just hung out and did some fun things and I got to vent to him about how I was feeling with some of my bridesmaids and I was shocked that he even noticed and was disappointed in certain ppl as well. It was great to talk to him and learn how he was feeling about their behaviour, he just made me feel better about it! Sorry to hear you’ve had to cut your bridal party down that must have been hard. We’re in the home stretch not much longer now you got this! Smiley smile
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  • Jackie
    Devoted April 2019 Ontario
    Jackie ·
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    Firstly I’m so sorry that this can’t be a stress free occasion. This is one reason I’m doing everything myself. I think my sister feels left out but I really don’t want anybody’s help. Except for a few things that my daughters will do. Like decorating the tables. My girls are in my wedding party. I’m having mostly family at my wedding as we are trying to keep the cost down. Now that’s immediate family only because I have a huge extended family. So I will probably only inviting a few of my long time close friends. I’m sorry that I cannot event more but that’s just the way it has to be. So far those that have asked to come, that I don’t plan on inviting are ok with it. Once I let them know we are having a very small wedding. Wishing you all best and try don’t to worry about the one whom have issues. If she was meant to continue being your friend, she will come around. If not then move passed it so you can be happy. A wedding is a time for happiness. Bye for now
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  • Jenn
    Frequent user March 2019 Ontario
    Jenn ·
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    I hear ya...eloping sounds fun! Wedding planning has not been as fun as I thought it would be Smiley sad ...everyone has an opinion...I like to be on the ball and get things down early and that isn’t going to happen either...
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  • Stephanie
    Frequent user May 2018 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
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    I always say that people are the most stressful part of planning a wedding!

    This is super common and you shouldn't take it personally! when my sister in law got married she lost her best friend and almost lost her other really good friend. for some reason people want to make your wedding about them, for instance one of my friends of 8 years yelled at me and called me selfish because i wouldn't let her invite her family and friends to the dance part of the wedding. i explained to her we had a budget for alcohol for our guests and that the wedding was about my fiance and i celebrating our marriage with OUR family and friends and she threatened to not come to the wedding.

    It's a really tough situation to be in but the best thing i could do was kill it kindness, and not react how she wanted me to. I kept my cool, apologized that this is how it was going to be and asked if she would still attend the wedding, and with my level headed reaction, she realized how she was acting and apologized.

    my best advise for dealing with the stress of family and friends is to lean our your fiance! my fiance has been my biggest stress reliever and helps me work through everything. when you're feeling overwhelmed and upset, take some time away from your phone, don't reply to them, and spend some quality time with your fiance to cool down. do something you enjoy doing together (go for a walk, watch a funny movie, etc.) and come back to it once you are relaxed and kill the problem with kindness.

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  • Jessica
    Super March 2018 Ontario
    Jessica ·
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    Sorry to hear that you are having struggles with your friends. We also did an out-of-town only for children, and it was pretty well received. Unfortunately, drama will always come with weddings, but try to remember that it is your day, and you only get one, so it sounds like you've been managing the issues quite well.

    I haven't lost any friends during my planning process, but I did have a lot of stress as I was planning from afar. Make sure to take "no-wedding" days where you don't discuss your wedding and do something fun or relaxing. You can even get some of your bridesmaids together and have a girls-night or activity that doesn't involve wedding chat. Make sure to find those people in your life that are positive and rely on them to share the fun and excitement in wedding planning. Best of luck!

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