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Newbie October 2020 Alberta

Fiancé wants to postpone

Phoebe, on July 5, 2020 at 20:14 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 6
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Hi
My fiancé and I were supposed to get married in October of this year. I was hoping to just do a small ceremony and dinner/fire with family after.
However, my fiancé wants to postpone until next year. This is because his father lives in another province and refuses to get on a plane at this time. Driving isn’t an option as he says he isn’t able to take the time off of work. This year has been such a mess, this is the one thing I was looking forward to and now it’s looking like I can’t even have it. I’m worried that we’re going to wait until next year and this dad still won’t get on a plane - covid isn’t going to magically disappear by then.
What would you do? I don’t want to drop everything just to accommodate one person who literally still might not come next year. We aren’t even having a big wedding or anything Smiley sad

6 Comments

Latest activity by Vinod, on July 7, 2020 at 18:12
  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Your FH is wanting his dad present to see him for how far he has come in his life. It's not an easy decision to take as you want your day to be special without the 1 person he truly wants there. A compromise is something to accept given the circumstances of the situation at hand. Your heart is with him and understanding to his request as his dad does feel the travel isn't something he doesn't see fit this year.

    The way you feel about your day, other couples have the same feeling to push back because of everything taking place and the cities re opening stages. You will have your day which will be special and your FH will be glad to have his father present too.

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  • K
    Beginner September 2021 Alberta
    Kathryn ·
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    That is more of a challenge for sure. Sounds like other issues aside from the wedding that your FH needs to discuss with his dad. I agree, if that is the aim of having him there then he could well end up hurt. Sorry you are having to go through this and disruption to plans. As already said, all you can do is support.
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  • Geneviève
    VIP September 2020 Ontario
    Geneviève ·
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    Sounds like there’s more family tension that exists between your FH and his dad that’s now being aggravated by the current covid situation. As someone who’s had tense relationships with my parents, I can honestly say these things do not go away without a conversation. Your FH needs to talk with his dad about this and whatever else is ailing their relationship, especially if he’s seeking approval. Maybe their talk will also bring up why your FIL is dead set on staying put and not open to negotiation. While this is something your FH needs to deal with, your support will mean the world. I hope it works out for you!
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  • P
    Newbie October 2020 Alberta
    Phoebe ·
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    Okay i would like to add that when I asked him why he wanted to postpone for his dad, he told me that he wants his dad to tell him he’s proud of him for once. So if we wait and he doesn’t tell his son he’s proud it’s going to hurt him anyways. This is why I am so stuck on what to do. I don’t want him to be hurt but It’s looking like he’s going to be hurt either way
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  • K
    Beginner September 2021 Alberta
    Kathryn ·
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    We were also planning on getting married in October, but my family are in the UK and I couldn’t take the risk, nor would I want them to get on a plane this year. We are rescheduling for next October - yep Covid may still be around but I think by then we will have progress to make it more manageable. I can understand where your fiancé is coming from - I wouldn’t want to get married without my parents there, but I am super close to my parents.
    It’s a tough time all round, and let’s of stress and upset. But the importance of safety and health is the way we are looking at it.
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  • Alison
    Frequent user August 2022 Ontario
    Alison ·
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    I'm so sorry you're going through this. I am actually going through a very similar situation right now. We postponed our big celebration to next August, but were planning to do a small ceremony with immediate family and bridal party this year on our original date. Like you, it was the one thing I was looking forward to. Because of some of family drama on my finance's side we might end up canceling the whole thing this year. It sucks big time. Especially because like you said, we don't even know what next year will look like.

    Since it's not until October, do you have to make a decision right now? Maybe your fiance's dad might change his mind about flying depending how numbers are over the summer? Or if not, would your fiancé be open to have his father there virtually? This year has been such an emotional rollercoaster for everyone, let alone us that are trying to plan a wedding. I really hope you guys can come to a decision that you're both happy with.

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