Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Beginner September 2021 Ontario

Fiancé not helping...

Kourtney, on January 29, 2020 at 19:03 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 6

Saved

Dispute
Hide content

So my fiance is in no rush to plan the wedding in 2021 which has left me with the weight of the wedding. I have just booked our venue's and was telling him about a photographer I had found. I told him her plan as we will only have her for 4 hours. We would do the first dance apon our arrival to the reception hall. First he said no because we need to eat right away. And I told him there would be snacks for the guests before dinner. His second objection was a first dance all together. We are having a small wedding of 50-60 people and I still want it to be semi traditional. How do I make him happy too?

I told him he needs to do research because he knows nothing about weddings. Anyone else in the same boat?

Dispute
Hide content

6 Comments

Latest activity by Kourtney, on January 30, 2020 at 20:55

Beginner September 2021 Ontario
Kourtney · On January 30, 2020 at 20:55
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
I love that idea! I just turned 23 and I have always been the one who makes sure rent gets paid. While I have all the other bills. But I will give it a try.
- Reply
Top October 2019 Manitoba
Tori · On January 30, 2020 at 09:55
Dispute

Hide content
When I was planning the wedding my DH was very much unhelpful when it came to doing the research and knowing how much things cost.... in the end what worked was if he had anything to contribute that would make me have to change what was being planned then he had to give darn good reaasons and if I didn't agree then he had to take over that vendor (spoiler, he came around to most things so that he didn't have to do the work)!
Still scary when he did take over a vendor so that he could get his way though.... but he's a grown man (29 going on 30) so he was more than capable of putting in the work just as I was (22).
- Reply
Beginner September 2021 Ontario
Kourtney · On January 29, 2020 at 22:16
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
I am very close with my family so pretty much all of them need to be there. He actually has more on his side as he has friends. But no one he could chose for his groomsmen. We are getting legally married the day before. But I will try and give him those options. He still thinks doing the first dance right away is a bad idea so I may just not have a photographer for that. I want this day to be his too but I feel like he will be grumpy about it regardless. He also thinks I'm planning to soon. But we don't have money saved up so I at least needed to get the venue's out of the way.
- Reply
Master October 2020 New Brunswick
Amelia · On January 29, 2020 at 22:08
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
It sucks that the two of you want different things for your day. Is there a way to meet in the middle? Like if your ceremony was private and the reception was for the 60 people you mentioned? Or if your first dance was done without the guests so the two of you get a private moment in between all the attention. Could you elope and have an after party/reception?
It might even make him feel better to mention options like that to show that you're trying to help.
My fiance is also very shy and I've let him have a lot of say in the guest list. My family is bigger but they don't need to be there if it makes him anxious. We've talked about doing the ceremony with only the legally necessary people, or our immediate family and just showing up to our guests already married.
- Reply
Beginner September 2021 Ontario
Kourtney · On January 29, 2020 at 22:02
Dispute

Hide content
View quoted message
I have asked him what he wants and he just wants to elope. We both suffer from anxiety but he just can't get passed being the center of attention. He doesn't really care what food we get. I think he is just thinking about other weddings he has been to and was hungry because it was a dinner time wedding and the food was served late or wasn't very good. He just wants the day to be over.
- Reply

Master October 2020 New Brunswick
Amelia · On January 29, 2020 at 21:49
Dispute

Hide content
Is there anything he has mentioned that he does want to do? Like he mentioned eating, is he excited for the food or for picking the catering? It could just be that he isn't excited about the same things, or that guys can be weird about stuff they don't understand are important to you.

If it were me I would arrange to sit down and ask abt what he is most excited for or what he really wants at the wedding. It might give you a few things to plan together to get him more in the mood and to remove a little stress from you.
My fiance hasn't been negative. He really "doesn't care" about a few things (and that phrase ticks me off...) which I find frustrating because I can have a hard time making decisions and I need his input to sway me one way or another.
- Reply