Is anyone else really feeling the pressure right now? I don’t know why but I feel like no matter what choices I make I’m going to feel somewhat disappointed on my wedding day. Either I’ll regret my dress or decorations or shoes or veil or makeup or hair or food or guest list or…SOMETHING. I still have a few months to make decisions and put everything together but I think the pressure that I’ve put on this one day my entire life is catching up to me and making me feel kinda sad. I know that I will be so happy in my marriage but I don’t know if it’s possible to have the “perfect” wedding day. Any advice for letting go of this pressure I’ve been putting on myself?
I'm feeling a lot of pressure from friends and family that keeps giving their thoughts and suggestions, and also from vendors asking me what I want them to do, and I'm like, "I don't know, that's why I hired you to get your thoughts on what you can do and what will look good."
I'm a very sort of whatever goes person in most areas, and neither of us are good at making decisions about things, so it's a challenge. We got the main parts done, the venue, food, and officiant, working on attire, but still need to plan music, cake, decorations, and find a photographer as those in our price range are not available that day. I'm fine if someone uses my camera (usually I'm the one taking pictures for friends), but getting the person is the challenge.
There are also some unconventional things that I keep second guessing for fear of judgment, but my fiance keeps reminding me to just be myself and keep doing what I'm doing, so it's been good to have support. My mom keeps reminding me that no wedding is ever perfect, and it's not about being perfect, it's about having a celebration with those you love.
I’m not sure how long ago you got engaged, but when I hit about the 2 month after getting engaged, 7 months before wedding mark, I was really feeling like this. It can be hard not to get caught up in the stress and logistics of it all, but what I do is remind myself that this is SUCH an exciting and special part of my life. I’m planning my wedding to my best friend. I will only get to do this once, and this is such a happy happy time. We have a lifetime together ahead, and this is the day we get to celebrate that. It really helps me get back into excited mode, and takes the pressure off a bit because it’s the fact that I’m marrying him that makes the day so perfect, everything else is secondary.
Agreed and love the comment from Tanya about a relationship and a marriage being way more than one day - it's so true Just enjoy the work you've all put in ladies and roll with the punches; your guests regardless will just be happy to celebrate you and your partners love
Thank you for posting Stevie. I wasn't going to make any comments as I wasnt feeling that way...until the other day. A hiccup with a vendor lead to my FH making a call to the Owner. We all know it had to be something for a groom to get involved. Not gonna get into too much details but at the end of it, even though things were hashed out and settled, I am left feeling more anxious than before. Now I am left wondering if everything is going to be perfect.
Everything leading up to the day has been anything but perfect. Lots of ups and downs but we have to take everyone's advice here...think of it as another regular day. Putting too much emphasis on it being a perfect day adds too much stress and anxiety. Only focus on yourself and your Groom. It will be beautiful !
The thing that has helped me overcome these worries was realizing that something is going to go wrong, but at the end of the day, I am marrying the person I love.
I have decided that the only things that matter are that the licence gets signed and I get to dance with my guy on the big day. Everything else is superficial, and if it goes wrong, then oh well.
My therapist also suggested I find something to focus on as a couple that has us thinking beyond the wedding day, starting a cookbook of our favourite recipes, learning a language together or picking up some hobby together that we can look forward to doing through our whole marriage (we decided we want to learn ASL). This has helped us reframe things in our minds. Our relationship is way more than just one day, and our marriage is more than just one day too.
Stevie I feel you, we got pregnant and now I feel like I want to cancel the wedding, but we already invested a lot of money into it. I'm also afraid my dress won't fit and I can't afford another one, especially with a baby on the way. I will also not get the same price I paid for it, so what's the point. Now on top of the wedding I have a baby coming and we need to look for a new place.
Is it wedding jitters or hormones I just don't know anymore.
Hi Stevie! First off, you’re not wrong- the pressure builds up, but glad you decided to create this thread 😊 Secondly, and most importantly- this day is about you two as a couple. It should (and will be!) be a moment that you treasure forever, so do not let anyone get in either of your heads and tell you how it ‘should be’. What it should be looks different for every couple, and that’s part of what makes a wedding amazing.Thirdly, with all that being said- do your best to release that pressure and weight off yourself and your fiancée (because believe me, they feel it too). We all know this is something easier said than done, but get back to your ‘roots’ if you’re feeling sad and down about it. What I mean when I say that, is your roots as a couple. Are you both foodies? Check out a local place that you’ve never been to. Do you both enjoy hiking? Look for a zip line experience near you. What about the homebodies? Spend the afternoon baking together, and finish the evening cozied up to the tv with your favourite platform and slay with a milk and cookie date.Weddings are fun and important, and the most important reason for this day is of the connection that two people share. Don’t lose sight of that and remember to love each other, hold hands, and never go to sleep angry. Cheers dolls, A
I'm feeling this pressure too. And I'm someone who likes to go with the flow 😅 But I care a lot about what family thinks too and I'm trying to not let it get to me.
Love that you brought this up. I recently found the dress I think is the one and suddenly these thoughts of "what if there's a better one for a cheaper price that I'll look even better in". So it's amazing to see these responses to worries that we brides have. We're all in this together and we're all human. We can do this! ❤️💪
Hi! Thank you for sharing! When thoughts of “what if I regret it” arise try telling yourself, “what if I’ve made the perfect decision, and my future self thanks me for it”. It’s difficult to overcome intrusive thoughts, same tools won’t work every time so get creative with how you cope with it each time. A “Perfect” wedding day may not exist, but your perfect day does. Especially when you’re surrounded by people who love and adore you.
Also, I had my best friend in my ear, boosting my confidence, telling me it will go beautifully because everything I do in life works out that way - so lucky to have her so try and lean on good people around you for support, those with kind and reassuring words, that know you, so helps!
This discussion is so real to talk about and I am happy you have brought it up!
I, like yourself, put a lot of pressure on this day to go the way I envisioned it. Everything was a vision for me lol and for the most part I got my way with having everything I wanted. As I got closer to the day though I did feel myself stressing and obsessing that it would go perfect which I realized was not so healthy... SO! Closer to and all up until the night before, I just looked at it as another day, or almost like I was attending a close friends event (sounds crazy but I tried to trick my mind into thinking it was not a big deal) and honestly, it worked! Come the morning of, I totally let go, and the good vibes of the people and the occasion just took over and honestly, even if something went wrong, I was in the mindset to already not care about it much somehow! Also, trust, that the day will honestly probably go much better than you expect