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Myriam
Newbie October 2022 Ontario

Feeling Overwhelmed

Myriam, on November 9, 2021 at 12:18 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 16
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I'm not a huge planner when it comes to events. My idea of a fun night is chips, beer and staying at home (we have a pool and video games). Plannign a huge event like this is.....completely terrifying. I'm also a very proud, independent person and I have a hard time asking for help. My MIL is the most wonderful person and wants to help....but I'm too scared to ask. She doesn't need to plan my dumb little wedding. She just planned the BIL's (fiances bro) wedding.


UGH... Can anyone relate? Any good tips?

16 Comments

Latest activity by Lissa, on February 24, 2022 at 23:04
  • Lissa
    Frequent user October 2022 Ontario
    Lissa ·
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    My fiancé and I are also the stay at home type so planning something of this scale was totally foreign to me. I've found the checklists on both this website & the knot super helpful!

    My mum has never had to plan a wedding so this is totally new for her as well, but my MIL planned her daughter's so she's more than happy to help when needed. She's super excited to be involved so I'm sure your MIL will be as well!

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  • katiekies
    Curious May 2023 British Columbia
    katiekies ·
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    A few months late on this answer, so maybe you don't need more advice ... but I totally understand the not wanting to ask for help, even though MIL is always saying PLEASE ASK ME FOR HELP, lol.

    We haven't announced our engagement yet, but I know MIL's strengths - flowers and decorating, two areas I have no interest in. I'm going to let her know I don't know where to even start with these, and I figured she'd either give some advice or offer to take over this area so it's one less thing for me to think about.

    Same with invitations. My Mom is the craftiest person I know; she used to own a scrapbook store. We decided years ago that I would have her do my wedding invitations, if I ever got engaged.

    You don't have to delegate EVERYTHING, but if you take a moment to consider everyone in your life's strengths, then even just reaching out to them and asking for advice could lead to them offering to help more.

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  • Anne
    Beginner July 2022 Ontario
    Anne ·
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    Hi Myriam,


    I’m totally the same way. I’ve been pretty much planning the wedding myself. I find it so hard to ask anyone for help. If your MIL is offering definitely let her help you if you’re feeling overwhelmed but I would suggest creating a mood board and excel sheet so you can get organized and you can stay on the path of what you want for your wedding. Feel free to message me and I can provide you with an awesome excel sheet to keep you organized and we can chit chat about your wedding if that helps.
    -Anne
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  • KELLY
    Featured October 2023 Ontario
    KELLY ·
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    Did you like anything that your MIL did for your BILs wedding? Perhaps you could ask for help on those things only....

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Being independent, asking for help is hard though its nice to get it sometimes when its given. Create a wedding board of ideas you feel you want as your vision with colours, decor, cake and other things you will need for the day. Budgeting the costs for what you will require will depend on which vendor you deal with for the price range.
    This may take the overwhelming feeling off of you to feel your heading in the direction needed and if you feel comfortable to ask you FMIL for suggestions or help as needed, she would be great to help you out when your feeling over your head.

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  • Rayanne
    Featured June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne ·
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    It is definitely overwhelming. Are you ok with someone doing most of it for you? Does she have same tastes? Maybe make top 3 must haves for you and your SO. Maybe give the FMIL some of the smaller detail tasks that you don't care so much about. People who love weddings (like me) love helping where they can. I'm always up to wedding shop. I have a friend at work who I send stuff to all the time because she mentioned she was overwhelmed. She finally went to book her venue yesterday. I'm so excited for her. It's OK to say you don't like something too there is no right or wrong way to have YOUR wedding. If it feels right to have her help let her. If you need to do most yourself that's ok too. I think the best way is to take it one step at a time. Budget first (IMO), guest list, venues.... At the end of the day if you are married that is what is important. Good luck
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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
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    I think the first step is to figure out what you want. If you and your fiance wants a chill night similar to your typical nights of fun, don't do a huge dinner party and dance. From there, figure out a budget. That helps to start whittle away options that you won't entertain, which will help compartmentalize your tasks. Of course, your fiance should also shoulder a good chunk of this with you.

    Before asking and accepting your MIL's assistance, as your BIL how things went when she planned their wedding. Parents can turn into completely different people than what you normally see when a wedding is suddenly involved.

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  • Laura
    Beginner August 2022 Ontario
    Laura ·
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    Hey Myriam!


    It sounds like you have a good relationship with your future mother in law! I would definitely reach out to her, and any of your bridal party members as well for some help. They're not just there to pose for photos and fluff your dress! Most of your party can and will be willing to help as long as you ask!
    The biggest help for me was buying a wedding planner book, it had all sorts of information that I hadn't even thought of. Timelines, recommendations, the buzz words that vendors use, and it just helped me figure things out as I went along.
    Pinterest is good for inspiration! Most importantly just remember that it's your magical day and no matter what happens it'll always be a special day for you both Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • Tunisha
    Featured October 2021 Ontario
    Tunisha ·
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    Hello Myriam,
    Planning a wedding can be very stressful and demanding. I totally feel that since I planned my own. I did not have a wedding planner, I did all that I can and DIYed it all.

    The fact that your MIL wants to help. I would say use that opportunity for her to assist you with what you think she can do. This will help you breath a bit.
    Hope this helps! And take a breather and don’t forget self-care as well to ease the mind. 💕🙏🏾
    • Reply
  • Melissa
    Newbie May 2022 Ontario
    Melissa ·
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    Yes, I can relate…. Should his be the most amazing day of our lives, why is it so stressful.


    No tips… just wanted to say you are not alone
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  • Meghan
    Featured September 2022 Ontario
    Meghan ·
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    Honestly i'm the type that gets overwhelmed with planning parties and stuff also! With how you talk about your MIL I would let her help she will probably be such a big help for you and she would probably be thrilled to help! I have a wedding planner that helps me and believe me I don't know what i'd do without her haha

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  • Malyssa
    Featured October 2022 Alberta
    Malyssa ·
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    I would ask your MIL! I know I'm trying to involve my MIL as much as possible, as she is a mom of 2 boys, so doesn't get that joy of a planning with the bride.

    She probably would be so thrilled and happy to help, that alot of your stress will be relieved once she starts to help. Maybe plan a lunch date with her and mention how youre feeling overwhelmed with the planning and allow her to offer help and you can say yes, so youre not ASKING, youre accepting help Smiley winking Trick that brain hehe

    best of luck!

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  • Stephanie
    Curious November 2022 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
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    View quoted message
    Try not to think of it as caving Smiley smile you’re accepting help from someone that wants to! Just let her know how involved that you want to be
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  • Myriam
    Newbie October 2022 Ontario
    Myriam ·
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    View quoted message

    I think I'm just going to cave and ask my MIL. She's wonderful and is probably chomping at the bit to plan, she L O V E S this stuff. I'm just a stubborn person and I can't seem to get myself to ask. Maybe next time I see her in person (some time this week, they live close by) I will talk to her. I guess I just needed the kick in the butt

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  • Stephanie
    Curious November 2022 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
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    Also just want to add in case it hasn’t crossed your mind, you don’t need to have a big event if that’s not what you want. Many people decide to elope or have a very intimate ceremony/reception. Do what you and your future spouse want to!
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  • Stephanie
    Curious November 2022 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
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    I’m not sure this is the advice you *want* to hear but getting the courage to ask your MIL for help seems like the best option in my mind! If she’s willing, has the capacity and has the experience of recently planning a wedding, those all seem like great reasons to ask her for help.
    Alternatively, have you looked into hiring a wedding planner? They can be expensive depending on your budget but would be very helpful if you’re feeling overwhelmed!

    I personally also never thought I’d enjoy the wedding planning process but keeping things categorized in my mind and on paper has been really helpful! I also struggle asking people for help, for me it got to the point where my MOH was sending me suggestions and things that didn’t matter to me. I had to get frustrated enough to tell her what I really actually needed help with 😂 so not ideal but just my experience!
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