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Robyn
Newbie October 2018 Alberta

Feeling Guilty

Robyn, on October 9, 2017 at 15:59 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 7
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I see so many positive posts on here and I have to admit.. I'm not feeling excited got my wedding. My fiance is amazing in so many ways, but we just don't see eye to eye on the kind of wedding we both want. I'm extremely introverted, I would rather just have our closest family and friends and have an intimate winter wedding. I love romance and how magical everything looks in the snow, but it's not what my fiance wants. The wedding we're planning is on his families farm, in August and our guest list is almost two hundred people. I'm feeling so overwhelmed and feel like it's not going to be romantic or in any way what I had in mind. I feel guilty because I failed to vocalize my opinion so many times that now almost everything is planned and paid for, and I'm feeling like an attendee at someone else's wedding. I tried to bring up what I wanted a few weeks ago and my fiance got frustrated with me, understandably, for not saying something earlier. He then got so bummed out and told me to look into the cost of a winter wedding and what we would have to do to make it happen, but his whole energy dropped so much that I said forget it and I was just having an overwhelmed moment. I'm trying to feel excited about our wedding and how fun it will be, but I can't help but be disappointed that my dream wedding won't happen. Does anyone have any advice? Has anyone else been in the same boat? I just wish I knew how to feel enthusiastic about this.

7 Comments

Latest activity by Robyn, on October 11, 2017 at 12:18
  • Robyn
    Newbie October 2018 Alberta
    Robyn ·
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    Thank you everyone for your encouraging responses!My fiance and I have talked, and have incorporated some winter themes into our wedding, as well as slimmed our guest list down quite a bit. I've also changed a few other details that I didn't like to something that I wanted and my fiance has been so on board and supportive in making our wedding day more about "us".At the end of the day wedding or no wedding at all, I still get to be with my best friend and have a happy life with him so that's all I can ask for.
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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    It is unfortunate that you are feeling this way. I'm glad you are still excited to marry your fiancé though! Smiley smile Don't let the process get you down! I think you could maybe add some hints of a winter wonderland theme to the wedding without it clashing with the actual season. Themes run the gambit of types and seasons so you wouldn't have to worry about that. I think you and your fiancé need to talk about it and see where you guys can compromise. Don't be afraid to voice your opinion as it is your wedding too!

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  • Lynnie
    WeddingWire Admin October 2016 North Carolina
    Lynnie ·
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    I'm so sorry Robyn!! Can you and your fiance take a step back and prioritize? There are a lot of in between solutions you can compromise on between an intimate wedding and 200 people! Same thing with August vs. winter!

    I'd say take a step back and re-focus. Have each of you write down the top 3 things that are most important to you for the wedding and talk them through together to compromise. It doesn't have to be a touchy subject, but it's worth stating an extra reminder that talking about wedding planning is different than talking about marriage!

    I clarified for my husband many times when planning that I hated wedding planning, but that doesn't mean I hate him or marriage!!

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  • H
    Frequent user June 2019 Ontario
    Hj ·
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    When I think about things that I'll probably have to do that I don't want to with my wedding (eg. the whole thing rather than eloping), I balance that with the fact that it's one day that almost no one else will remember the details of a week later and then I get to be married to my wife forever. It really helps to put things into perspective for me.

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  • Ashley
    Super June 2018 Alberta
    Ashley ·
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    I've had some similar experiences with my fiancé. But we've talked it out and compromised with one another.

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  • Robyn
    Newbie October 2018 Alberta
    Robyn ·
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    View quoted message
    Yes, I am still excited to marry my fiance, that's what I've been trying to focus on, I guess I'm just feeling anxiety over the size of the whole thing. And too my future in laws have become very involved, and while I appreciate the help, it's become very overwhelming.
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  • Daphne
    Super July 2017 British Columbia
    Daphne ·
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    We had a similar experience. We did talk it out and came to a compromise because at the end of the day, getting married was the main goal, the “perfect” wedding wasn’t. You could incorporate winter decor into the ceremony and reception. Are you still excited to marry your fiancé? If you are, then that’s what matters and focus on that.
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