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Frequent user November 2018 Alberta

Feeling Gross

Casey, on December 13, 2017 at 02:09 Posted in Beauty 0 15
Ling story short...
Once upon a time I was naturally thin and then I had two kids... I've been struggling with my weight going up and down over and over for 6 years, never getting back to even close to where I was at 21 even though Ive been working hard everyday to be healthy (28 now)
My question is how do I go into dress shopping feeling so depressed about how I look??? I tried 2 dresses on previously and started crying and stopped the whole process... I couldn't stand how I looked in a size 10 and I'm afraid foe my Jan. 2nd appointment I'm gonna feel the same...
Yes I eat healthy and exercise daily, so also do yoga at home, strength training cross fit and cardio at the gym week days, I'm just stuck due to medications issues and unfortunately can't resolve them completely until March... how do you keep positive while wondering how you look in a dress???


Latest activity by Lisa, on December 19, 2017 at 04:24
  • Lisa
    VIP May 2018 Ontario
    Lisa ·
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    I agree with Erin. You are not gross! But I understand where you are coming from. I just turned 40 and I'm struggling with the change in my body. Working out is great but 80% of weight loss is diet. When I went strictly Paleo I lost weight and felt great! It's hard to do with my Fiance and throwing kids in the mix. I don't have kids but it's hard to eat a certain way even with my fiance at home! Im also Kickboxing 3 times a week and want quicker results! I know I'm feeling better though! I have to go back to Paleo eating but AFTER Christmas LOL. Also power of the mind is important as well. You need to feel good in your own skin in the present regardless of what you were before. That's why they call it the past right? There is nothing back there for you so don't look! Smiley smile Set yourself some goals, even small ones and move forward!
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  • Vanessa
    Expert August 2018 Manitoba
    Vanessa ·
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    My thinnest point in my life was when I was 16-18 and than I was pregnant when I was 18-19 which pregnancy changes your body, your life and your mindset. My weight has gone up and gone down through out my life the heaviest I have been is 228 pregnant and so far I'm around 206 lbs. My lowest was 180. My height is roughly 5'8". I know I should work out more but I am an EA and walk and run after kids everyday so that has to count for something and we can't forget carry screaming kids from time to time and dodge a punch, kick or swing from time to time too. I don't eat a lot junk so I think I'm doing okay. Self-esteem has never been my strong suit as I was in an emotionally/verbally abusive relationship before I met my FH and my self-esteem was broken down and bruised almost non-existent. Since 5 years ago I have learned to love myself again, to accept myself the way I am and above all love myself for who I am and the way I am. My FH helped me find me again. When it comes to dresses I tried on different styles and chose a aline/ball gown as it made my waist skinnier and complimented me. You will find the dress that fits you and you will have your moment whether it takes a few different shops or just a few different dresses. Your not alone. I hope you find your dress and I know when you find the one you will have your special moment just like I did mine.

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  • Stephanie
    Frequent user May 2018 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
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    I think the right dress style is super important when you are feeling insecure. Only super thin girls look good in those tight fitting mermaid style dresses. I gained quite a bit of weight while i was in college and am very insecure about how i look now compared to when i was a size 2 before college. i looked horrible in a mermaid dress and felt like crap, but then i tried on a ballgown that was only tight from the top to the bottom of my ribs and i felt amazing! all my insecurities about my stomach were completely hidden in the dress and made it a much more positive experience.

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  • Leah
    Newbie October 2018 Ontario
    Leah ·
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    Hey, I had a very similar issue. I've been struggling with my weight and I find my wedding dress last year and it fit perfectly. I go to do a final payment and I'm under the impression that I've lost weight... Apparently not. Cuz I need an extra 4 or more inches now altered to the back! I felt absolutely horrible about myself.

    However, my fiance and my dad and mom all said something that made a lot of sense (fiance didn't see dress he just heard about it) If you find a dress that you look beautiful in, then you are beautiful no matter how anyone else sees you. Because your wedding dress should be about what you like on yourself not what other, and once you find a dress that you love and you love how you look in it then it won't matter if you have some weight on you. Because you will see yourself as beautiful and you will be happy.

    If you're looking for a style suggestion to try hiding it I recommend Cake Style. The pin ups and fabric gatherings will hide anything you don't want seen
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  • Newbie June 2016 Ontario
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    Try every style of dress and finally you will find best suited to you

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  • Amyfanggg
    Frequent user April 2018 Ontario
    Amyfanggg ·
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    Hey girl. First of all, you grew little humans inside of you, you're not gross, farrrrr from it!
    I was really upset with myself as well for not being like how I was at 21. I was so depressed, and it felt so hard, especially when you make so much effort and there are barely any changes. I just turned 29 and I can't help but feel like everything (appearance and health wise) is gonna go downhill from there. I just accepted not long ago that I do not wear size 2 or small anymore. It was a big step for me.
    I think we all just need to come to terms that we cannot look the same as we did before. It's another time and another life. You can only look ahead of you, not behind you. Set smaller goals for a sooner deadline, that way you can actually see your accomplishments and don't feel discouraged. If it comes down to it, you make want to check with your doctor and see if they can recommend anything (referring to a dietician maybe). Anyway, good luck!
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  • Casey
    Frequent user November 2018 Alberta
    Casey ·
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    All you ladies are gonna make me cry!
    Inspiring women and caring people in this community!
    I guess I'm just in this grumpy mind set cause I was at a certain weight last year and was happy with it and of course time changes and now I'm not happy with it, wishing I could still feel that happiness I did feel.
    I am very thankful you ladies are encouraging and understanding, everyone's journey is different and having some neutral perspective goes a long way - my MOH is also trying to help me get past what I feel because yes I am my own biggest critic and she is always positive when I'm in a funk of being overwhelmed by the many aspects of this event.
    Thank you ALL for your kind words and help with some self esteem issues, it's been an up and down rollercoaster on the scale but that's not what defines me and it's hard to look past sometimes.
    Much love to you ladies and thank you again for your input. (More helpful than you ALL know)
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  • Bethany
    Super July 2018 Alberta
    Bethany ·
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    Honestly before I was not comfortable in my body! Then I heard of a way that you trick your mind into it, look into the mirror (every day) and tell yourself you are beautiful! Make sure you look at your whole body though! Just from seeing your profile picture, you look beautiful! So stay positive! Definitely have a solid support system like all of the ladies have posted above. But that's just a trick that I do on a day to day basis!
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  • Melinda
    Devoted September 2017 Ontario
    Melinda ·
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    View quoted message

    Well said Erin!

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  • Melinda
    Devoted September 2017 Ontario
    Melinda ·
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    It really sucks that you are feeling gross and it is totally not your fault, so don't be hard on yourself. It is really, really hard to accept when our bodies change and it can feel really uncomfortable. It is super easy to just say to someone "love your body the way it is". It's an awesome concept and I hope that some day we will live in a society where we automatically love and accept ALL bodies, but bottom line is that it is a struggle for most women, so you are most definitely not alone.

    I think the number one advice that I would give is do not compare yourself to other women's bodies, not even your own past body. When we look at wedding dresses in magazines or online, I think we picture ourselves in the dress looking exactly like the model and then when we put it on, it looks different and that's a big disappointment. And that disappointment can be crushing. That's just not the feeling anyone wants to have when trying on wedding dresses. Getting past the habit of comparing my body to other people has made me feel so much more confident.

    My other advice is to make sure that you have supportive people there with you. We automatically see all of our flaws, but other people don't. It's not that we constantly need people to tell us that we are beautiful, but sometimes we can't see our beautiful qualities until someone kindly points them out to us. I don't need someone else to love my body in order for me to love my body, but a bit of meaningful encouragement goes a long way.

    Bottom line - I have never seen an ugly or gross bride. On a day filled with so much love and joy, you will be absolutely radiant!!

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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    Firstly, you are not gross!

    Secondly, I haven't had kids and my body is way different now at 30 than when I was 21.

    I wasn't very active in my early twenties but started training a few years back and have now been doing CrossFit for 2 years. My body shape has changed quite a bit in that period. I have also always had a big butt, wide hips, and bigger breasts than is probably expected for someone like me, so I understand being unsure about dress shopping.

    I think you need to keep an open mind and remember that your fiancé loves you very much and has experienced these changes with you and still thinks you are the most wonderful, beautiful woman out there.

    Try on all the different styles and find the one that makes you happiest. Remember that the people in your life support you and want you to feel your greatest.

    Change is always hard but instead of looking back on what was, look at what you have and what is to come. Not everyone is shaped like a model and nor should they be. Embrace all your curves, wrinkles, scars etc for they are the map that shows the great adventures you've experienced already.

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  • Maegan
    Super July 2018 British Columbia
    Maegan ·
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    Im not a small person.... I mean im 5'1 and weigh about 180 lbs... And because im so short theres not a lot of places for weight to go except out haha. Any weight i do put on is super visible and since i switched jobs 2 years ago im not very active at work and do a lot of desk work ive done nothing but put on weight. Its been hard. Really reallyy hard and im struggling to keep up an active and healthy lifestyle since i learned i have some dietary restrictions and got injury and can no longer play my favorite sport (rugby!).

    I was nervous about dress shopping but i found the perfect dress that was so flattering on me! I honestly didnt think at this weight i could look that good in a dress. And its a size 18 wide. I think the key is finding a dress that flatters your current shape and size rather than a dress that would have looked good at the old weight. With the right dress anyone can look and feel good!
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  • Jen
    VIP June 2018 Ontario
    Jen ·
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    I was in the exact same boat. I freaked out about how I looked in dresses too. I went in thinking that I wanted a dress that covered everything on my body I hated, including my arms. I walked out with a tight fit and flare because it made me look amazing. I put the dress on from time to time to remind myself of how great I look and that no matter what size I am that he loves me for me. That he fell in love with me for who I am and the size that I am and nothing will change that.

    I have never been skinny and I know I never will be. I also have a child and understand the havoc it can create when it comes to your self love and the way you look at your body. Remember, you created tiny little humans in that amazing tummy of yours. The mummy tummy is a real thing! But be proud of it! I know it's hard to think that way, especially when putting on wedding dresses but try to remind yourself of this.

    I've always struggled with weight but the older I get (I'll be 32 at the end of this month) I realize that I just need to be happy with what I have. My fiancé loves me no matter what and thinks I'm sexy the way that I am right now, even with the weight I've gained since we met. I'm sure yours feels the exact same way about you too Smiley heart

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  • Ashley
    Expert March 2018 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    I agree with you Amanda! I felt similar to the both of you when I got engaged, one of my first thoughts was I wish I was skinnier when he asked me to marry him and now I have all of this weight to lose. But then I started to incorporate healthy meals and exercise as much as I can. I grew up playing competitive sports and being tall and thin, but when university hit I stopped playing sports and started eating. And it got worse when I starting dating my FH.

    While I have made progress in trying to be healthier I had to realize that I will not be a bikini model on the day of my wedding and I don't want to be, I found a dress that shows off my smaller waist that I didn't know I had.

    Focus on trying on every style of dress imaginable and you will surprise yourself, also keep in mind that you would be your toughest critic ALWAYS. Remind yourself when you start beating yourself up if you wouldn't say those comments to your girlfriends why are you saying them to yourself? We need to be kinder to ourselves first!

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  • Amanda
    Super August 2018 Alberta
    Amanda ·
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    I’ve never been that small. My grad dress was a 16, my wedding dress is an 18. But I do kinda get where you’re coming from. I dreaded going to look for a dress because this is not where I wanted to be.

    I had plans, we were on a diet, we were going to the gym regularly and I even had a personal trainer lined up for this past year, but in March, life got in the way and everything kinda fell apart.

    My advice, is to try on all shapes. I thought I would look horrible in a fit n flare, because I am a touch on the heavy side, but honestly, I think that shape looked the best on me. And that’s not even the shape I went with. I get it’s not the same situation, that you’re used to something different, but you never know. Maybe you’ll find something that makes you feel absolutely beautiful.
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