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Lynnie
WeddingWire Admin October 2016 North Carolina

Faux Pas or Nah: Asking about the guest list?

Lynnie, on April 15, 2019 at 12:18 Posted in Before the wedding 0 28
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As a wedding guest I'm always dying to know who else is invited! I want to know who I should be making plans with, and who is not getting invited so I don't obnoxiously talk about your wedding non-stop in front of them! Smiley shame

Despite the best of intentions, some friends and family will normally ending up giving you the "The Guest List Inquisition" - which is definitely annoying, and opens some awkward conversations!

What's your take on asking about the guest list? Do you think it's a Faux Pas or Nah?


Faux Pas or Nah: Asking about the guest list? 1

Photo from Heaven Party in St. Catherine's, ON



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Back to the Beginning: Faux Pas or Nah?

28 Comments

Latest activity by Amanda, on April 23, 2019 at 11:15
  • Amanda
    Super June 2019 Ontario
    Amanda ·
    • Dispute

    I think it depends on why they're asking. I have a work friend who keeps asking "who from work is coming" to the shower or the wedding... I haven't answered her once. She is asking because she hates so many people at work. I don't need to hear her have an opinion about people I have invited just because she doesn't like them.

    • Reply
  • Rachael
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Rachael ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    I agree with this. I don't mind certain family members or close friends asking, but it also depends on why they're asking.

    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
    • Dispute

    I think it's fine to ask! For me theres a bit of drama around with some friends and family, my rule of thumb was invite everyone you want to be there for YOUR day and allow them to make the choice to come or not! I would not be upset at all if somewhere were to say no because of their comfort levels with another guest who is attending. It's disappointing but understandable! I would rather them be comfortable and not have to worry about any drama! Also if any drama starts oh I will go bridezilla....

    • Reply
  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
    • Dispute

    I think it's okay depending on who it is. When my cousins ask about who's invited and whatnot, I don't mind, but I had a friend from work ask who else I was inviting from work and I had a difficult time telling her that no one else was invited.

    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    Never came across this question and not needed to know as another guest unless they guest list can be seen by replying on the website.

    • Reply
  • Leah
    VIP April 2019 British Columbia
    Leah ·
    • Dispute
    Meh.
    small potatoes.
    The least of my concerns in the grand scheme of wedding planning.
    • Reply
  • Maegan
    Frequent user August 2021 Ontario
    Maegan ·
    • Dispute
    As long as the question is asked innocently to know like who else they'll know there then I think its okay. However, I am so done with people (mostly older family members) asking about my guest list cuz they have opinions on it.
    • Reply
  • Robyn
    Super June 2019 Ontario
    Robyn ·
    • Dispute

    I think this is okay, too, it's not like it's classified information. I don't like people telling you who to invite, though...

    • Reply
  • Chelsea
    Super June 2020 Alberta
    Chelsea ·
    • Dispute
    This doesn’t bother me at all! we’re having a more intimate ceremony followed by an open reception, so typically anyone who i’m close enough with to ask me would at least be invited to the reception
    • Reply
  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
    • Dispute
    Nah. I don't mind if people ask, I don't think it's a big deal. If they start making comments on who is and isn't invited then that's a whole different story.
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Curious September 2019 Alberta
    Erin ·
    • Dispute

    It doesn't bother me when people ask if they are invited or others are invited.
    We are very limited on the numbers we are able to accommodate at the ceremony & reception. If someone gets offended over our invitation choices, I'd rather them ask me and know then go around talking to others about it. I have a back up list of people I would love to have there but family invitations must go out first. If some family can't make it, then I can start choosing guests from my back up list.

    • Reply
  • Veronica
    Super October 2021 Alberta
    Veronica ·
    • Dispute

    Agree that it is ok to an extent and depending on the intentions. It is pretty easy to tell just out of curiosity or out of opinion though so I vary my response based on that.

    • Reply
  • K
    Expert June 2019 Ontario
    Kim ·
    • Dispute
    Nah this wouldn't bother me.
    • Reply
  • Jenna
    Frequent user February 2021 Nova Scotia
    Jenna ·
    • Dispute
    It doesn’t really bother me. I think asking is fine out of curiosity.
    • Reply
  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
    • Dispute

    I would rather people did not ask... if people are friends and then say oh I heard you weren't invited and so forth it just causes stress.

    • Reply
  • Valérie
    VIP September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·
    • Dispute

    I think this would depend on the intentions behind the ask, as well as the extent of it. I think you would just know depending on who is asking you if it's out of line or not.

    • Reply
  • Monique
    Devoted August 2020 Saskatchewan
    Monique ·
    • Dispute

    I think it’s okay to an extent. For example, I wouldn’t be bothered if my friend asked which other friends were invited but I would be bothered if my grandma asked about everyone who was invited, and tried to add or remove people from the guest list.

    • Reply
  • Caitlyn
    Super January 2020 Ontario
    Caitlyn ·
    • Dispute

    I don't think it's that bad. We have found that guests aren't outright asking us if they are invited, but they ask our parents or other close relatives. It does get a little awkward when they ask, but in general saying "Oh they haven't finalized their guest list or They're having a small intimate wedding" does the trick.

    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
    • Dispute

    I think it depends on the circumstance: if someone is asking if someone else is there to make sure they don't overshare on details with someone uninvited, that's fine. Or someone asking if a mutual friend in the same circle is also going to be there so they can split hotel costs.

    I draw the line when people get overly nosey about it/ask to start drama. For example, someone asking if a certain relative is invited and then saying "Well if X is going to be there, I'm not sure I'm gonna go then." Or someone asking if a distant relative/acquaintance is on the list and then getting mad when they aren't.

    • Reply
  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
    • Dispute
    It doesn’t bother me.

    no one is going to ask me this, except maybe people at work. And I’d rather clarify who is invited and who isn’t, to avoid talk around the office.
    • Reply
  • Amelia
    Super September 2020 Ontario
    Amelia ·
    • Dispute

    Simply asking is fine as long as it's just out of curiosity. But I don't want input about our choices unless we ask for it.

    • Reply
  • Seleena
    Super September 2019 British Columbia
    Seleena ·
    • Dispute

    I don't think it's that bad to ask who will be there. Many of my guests have done this and I've let them know. I think it's mostly curiosity.

    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·
    • Dispute

    Faux pas. You should want to go to celebrate the couple. Not because someone is or isn't going to be there.

    • Reply
  • Peggy
    Super May 2019 Alberta
    Peggy ·
    • Dispute

    It doesn't bother me if people ask - what -d0es- bother me is when they try and guilt me over not inviting someone they think should be invited.

    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Devoted April 2019 Ontario
    Meghan ·
    • Dispute

    It doesn't really bother me if people ask. Though we were open with our families as to who we were inviting so they already knew

    • Reply
  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
    • Dispute

    I don't think it's that bad - as long as they aren't getting too nosey. I think it's perfectly fine to ask if so-and-so is invited because if they aren't, then the other guests don't want to start talking about what they will wear to the wedding and then find out they won't be attending!

    • Reply
  • Gina
    Super April 2019 Alberta
    Gina ·
    • Dispute
    I don’t like it when it has to do with someone that person doesn’t like. Imo, it’s my wedding and I’ll invite who I want to. I already let my mom talk me out of inviting an Uncle on my dads side. I regret saying anything to her and I should have just invited him without her knowing. If it’s friends just wondering what other friends are coming then I don’t mind at all
    • Reply
  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
    • Dispute

    I don't think its a problem at all. Especially if there is any family drama going on, it would be good to know who is going so you know who to avoid etc. It doesn't bother me. But I also haven't had anyone ask about it yet!

    • Reply

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