Family upset at elopement

It is between you and your future husband. They’ll come around. My mother in law was upset too when we went to the city hall just the two of us to get married. They’ll understand since it’s covid. Good luck!🥰

View quoted message Thanks Brianne, I agree with you, and I will definitely be repeating this advice as well as the others to myself as a reminder.

It sucks. It really really does. I echo what others have said here in emphasizing to your future inlaws why you want to elope. You're not eloping to get away from them, your eloping because we're living in a pandemic and all you want is to be married. One other tactic you can try is focusing them on your future wedding (the one from a year from now). Have them focus on how wonderful it will be when everyone can be there to celebrate you two, together. Of course this is YOUR story and they *shouldn't* be so difficult, but in some ways (I've learned with our own parents, lol) they are experiencing this loss as the own as well. Unfortunately, your future inlaws aren't giving you the respect and autonomy you need to decide whats best for you - you already have enough pain postponing several times! I understand feeling guilty, but know it's not your fault. You're doing the very best you can, and all you want is to be married.

View quoted message Oh god that’s the worst, when people have an opinion on your situation when they can’t manage their own. So frustrating

View quoted message Omg lmao I agree completely. People need to let go of their ideas.. of other people.. *face palm*

View quoted message I can’t even imagine what that would’ve been like. I’m glad your family was able to be there for you but of course it’s unfortunate about your brother and SIL. Your experience really puts things into perspective. Ultimately congrats on having the courage to go through with it despite the conflicts.. that is so respectable

View quoted message Thank you for sharing your experience. I agree they do tend to have an idea in their head about what it should look like. And I think being older they naturally get stuck in their ways and thoughts. But you’re right they will come around eventually.. they’ll have to lol glad yours did!!

View quoted message I agree completely. We already told them becuase we told our friends and then I felt bad that our friends knew but parents didn’t. It’s true it’s not fair for us to wait for this crazy world to settle down. God knows I’ve waited long enough (we’ve been together 10 years and have 2 kids) so I’m good to go lol

View quoted message Love this thank you. Getting their input on the big wedding is also a great idea

View quoted message Anti Christ!!! Lmao!!! That sucks though I’m so sorry your sister in law sounds like a piece of work. Glad you’re able to protect your sanity though that is what is most important!

View quoted message You have no idea ! I picked out the ring bearers outfit last night (her son) it was a bit pricy and the MIL kinda said something snarky due to the prize . In reality I had no idea she was buying their tickets to come here , their clothes and the baby’s outfit . So for someone who can’t manage their financial situations she has a big opinion on others situations and their fiancé’s , it is ridiclous . Sigh

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"hOW daRe YOu h4ve a wEDding thAT DoEsnT maTCh what I THINK shUd be mAH drEAM Daaaay?!?!?!?!"

People can be ridiculous at times. Imagine if you flip on your sister in law about every life decision. "How dare you take drugs when giving birth? Do it natural!!! You're sinning in front of Jesus' eyes!!! *eyeroll*

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Man, I'm sorry you had to go through that and find out things about your family this way. Love is love.

You two can do anything you want since its your day and planning to take into consideration. The in laws have to understand what position we all are in to have you make this decision with the pandemic. Don't feel a bit guilty and if they decide to show up for the wedding and to support their son, they will know its right for them to do so. I had many issues planning a gay wedding and hearing what can't be done and make it simple since my mom felt the guests (family on her side invited) to not attend and asking after. It was a very intense path that time and to face them many times though they did come around after giving them time and not talking to them for a bit. I did still visit given my dad didn't want to face me with the news I had shared with them about getting married to a man. Old school he was of his way. My SIL on the other hand didn't want anything to do with hearing the planning or to attend the wedding as my brother was under her control and still would have shown up because of being blood brother. The week before, I called to ask for 1 thing to bring and my SIL asked to attend though they never did reply back to me at all. The worst part of it was she said the kids won't come to subject them to such sin of our love. My family who attended brought their kids knowing its family and having the respect for all equally given your gender. Till this day, I don't have a strong relationship with my eldest brother and SIL given how they have changed and making it hard to know they are family.

I was lucky that my parents were really supportive and said whatever we decided was okay with them.

My in laws were definitely less thrilled about the idea of eloping, which we didn't end up doing, but they were also initially not even very supportive about our plans for a 10 person ceremony (which they were invited to) and no reception. They were unhappy that we couldn't do a dinner afterward due to restrictions and they were very concerned about the weather as our ceremony was outside for safety reasons (even though the reception and photos were like 30 minutes total and we live in Vancouver so even at the very coldest it would have been like 5 degrees - it ended up being sunny and like 10 lol). They kept bringing up their concerns with the weather and suggested we postpone a bunch of times and that basically lead us to feel like they weren't supporting us.

Ultimately my husband just sort of just had a dedicated conversation with them about it and he said that our minds were made up about getting married on our original date whatever the situation was and we'd make the best of it. I think after that they understood that we just wanted to be married. I feel like they had it in their heads that we were going to be disappointed with our small ceremony and they didn't realize that we didn't care about having a big ceremony or a reception and we didn't care if we got married in the rain or if we were freezing during the whole thing. I think they also realized that we didn't feel supported when they kept questioning our plans and they finally came around.

Unfortunately people tend to get this idea in their head about other people's weddings, especially their own children, and if things don't look like they're going to plan they get really upset. I think if you explain why you want to elope and just make it very clear that this is what you want they'll come around. But even if they don't right away, I think with time they'll understand that you made the best decision for yourselves and they'll get over it.

We talked about eloping to my mom and she would start crying like I told her I shot myself. She was hysterical. I even tried to explain to her that it wasn't our choice the world was closed. We postponed from May 2020 to May 2021 and now we are almost about to cancel our second wedding. My mom is only now understanding the reason for eloping.


Honestly I would elope. You have no idea when this will end and it will give you something for the two of you. Why push off starting your marriage because you're worried about what everyone else thinks. If you're really nervous I would elope in secret and then tell them. They will be upset but they will get over it because they have to. It is for you to celebrate you two. Then they can all celebrate with you when you can have the reception.

We talked about eloping during the peak of the pandemic when we weren't sure what the fall would look like. I was unbelievably nervous to talk to my mom and my mother-in-law about it. I was lucky that they were both super understanding, and my husband's mom even told us that if we were able to have a wedding without them they were totally fine with my parents being there.


I would try to explain that you guys want it all or nothing at all. To us it was more fair in our early plans that neither of our parents come because it was highly unlikely that his could easily cross the border (spoiler alert they couldn't). I would also remind them that when you have your reception/big celebration that you'll be maintaining traditional elements and maybe ask for their input for *that* occasion. I asked his mom for a list of photos she'd like to have and told our photographer that those were on our must have list, and whenever we have our reception I'll be sure to ask for her input!
And don't let yourself feel guilty. Almost everyone has had to change their wedding plans, and planning for small and simple will save you potential heart ache and stress of re-re-planning as the restrictions are constantly evolving.

We had planned to elope anyways ! Because my family is in Newfoundland (everything is crazy expensive there, especially flying there and back , vide versa) and my in laws were pretty weird about it , his sister was the anti-christ about it LOL. Seriously would not take a minute to understand anything from my point of view , to the point where she said she’d show up being a control freak and a strange person. Regardless we decided for my mental health to actually have a wedding ! I love my in-laws but his sister was the worse and no matter how much he spoke to her about it she got worse , she is 35 and just immature. So sorry you’re going through this I hope they learn to open their minds to understand as to why you’re considering such