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Terresa
Curious October 2019 British Columbia

Expanding Guest List Stress

Terresa, on April 27, 2019 at 13:18 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 12

When we first started planning, I wanted about 20-25 people. He said 40 sounded more realistic. I said, ok. We chose our venue based on 40 people. My beloved FH has taken our 40-person wedding and "added a few folks". We're now at 85, not counting children, for a venue that holds 50, unless we rent a tent, tables, and chairs.

Me: We don't really have room.

HIm: Well, just send everyone in invitation and see who wants to come, and let them decide if they want to bring kids or not.

Me: ....

Full disclosure here, I originally said, "Let's just elope and not tell anyone until after." We've been together nearly 10 years, and have been raising our blended family together for over 8. He's always pretty laid back, and I love that about him, but it makes planning a challenge. And this is an improvement over his "I'm just going to spread the word and see who wants to come" when I first started trying to make the guest list.

So, I've priced out the "emergency back-up plan". But I'm hoping and praying for half the guests to be unable to attend. Weird, right?

Anyone else in this sort of position? Any advice on how to deal with it?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Candace, on April 30, 2019 at 14:46
  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
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    That's so true, one way to keep the guest list down for sure! Lol

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  • Terresa
    Curious October 2019 British Columbia
    Terresa ·
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    Thanks, Vinod. Yes, this is not going to be quite the way I'd envisioned, unless half the people don't/aren't able to attend. Ah well.

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  • Terresa
    Curious October 2019 British Columbia
    Terresa ·
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    I have realized that this might have made actual paper invitations a worthwhile expense. We'd have run out before he could get anywhere near the number of people we're at now. E-vites are just to easy to send. Smiley atonished

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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    2 valid points I can say is true and agree with this topic:

    Terresa: You have a good point of eloping considering the fact the families add up the cost for the wedding and feeding them all. Eloping is starting to become a norm and then having a reception to just have family and friends celebrate you the couple. Don't just guests decide if they want to come based on the fact they could add more on their reply card and your numbers rise. Stick to your guns and to the intimate small wedding you envisioned to keep low key.

    Candace: I like your point of having family members to pay for guests they feel they want to invite on their half because that individual feels they are entitled to have them at your wedding. Give the exact numbers of guests from your list to accommodate only. FMIL wants her say, let her pay for her friends and not on your expense.

    Just to say that I had 2 guests whom seem to be out of place for me personally. One guest was invited despite of how I didn't want her there and not having anything to do with for the years known and husband went ahead knowing this. Another guest was invited for 1 and brought his mother and boyfriend out of spite having us feeding them and no monetary gift at the same time. I no longer speak to him because of his actions and the way he acted having to text a MOH to say his actions on our day which pissed me off the scale.

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  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
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    Absolutely! We started with 95 and went up to 120 people. Even our rehearsal dinner guest list is expanding!! We started with 14 people at the rehearsal dinner and now have 23. Most of it has been my FH and his mother adding people so it's been rough..

    I just eventually put my foot down and said whoever adds anyone has to pay for them, especially his mother who has invited so many people to the rehearsal dinner *insert eye roll*

    I would only send invites to the people you can accommodate, if some of them cancel then you can move to your "B list" of the extra people that he wants to add. Be sure to point out how it will increase the cost as well because that will be important

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  • Terresa
    Curious October 2019 British Columbia
    Terresa ·
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    Almost. With tent, table, and chair rentals; additional flowers; food; and the per person site fee, it's nearly double.

    Thanks for the supportive words, Bianca! I really do appreciate it!

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Wow, this has doubled your budget? I hope that it all works out for you (and that you don't have everyone RSVPing "yes" lol). At least he's started thinking about the impact that this growing guest list is making.

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  • Terresa
    Curious October 2019 British Columbia
    Terresa ·
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    Kids haven't been listed on the e-vites, so I'm hoping people won't just assume they're included. *fingers crossed*

    All the best for your wedding, Casey!

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  • Terresa
    Curious October 2019 British Columbia
    Terresa ·
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    With the potential children included we'd be at 100. So hoping that doesn't happen!

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  • Terresa
    Curious October 2019 British Columbia
    Terresa ·
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    Since we're going paperless, they've all been sent. He's now promised not to add anyone else though, which is good. Nearly doubling our budget has made him think, even if it's a bit too late.
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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    That's quite the situation you're in. Have you sent out invitations yet? If not, I'd suggest going over the guestlist with your FH and creating an "A-List" (people who you 100% must invite and want there) and a "B-List" (people who get invited if there's room). I understand that your FH wants to invite everyone under the sun (and their children), but he has to know that it's not realistic (with your budget and vision of your wedding).

    Hopefully your FH responds well to logic and reasoning. Good luck!

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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    We have had the same thing happen to us. Our first guest list was about 115 people. Gave it to my in laws and all of a sudden we are up to 150. I understand having to invite certain people etc. But I am also low key hoping many people can’t come so we can stick to a lower guest count. I know there will be a good chunk that won’t come, but you never know lol.
    It is good you have a back up plan. That’s a good start because then at least you are prepared if they all say yes, and if they don’t then bonus!
    Instead of leaving it open to guests bringing children maybe you guys can just say no kids or only close children of the family because of the limited space at your venue
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