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Lindsay
Frequent user June 2023 British Columbia

Dilemma

Lindsay, on March 20, 2022 at 23:15 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 18
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Hey everyone!
So I have a dilemma, my sister in law to be wants to have both her kids (one that doesn’t exist yet) and one we already have for a flower girl for our wedding and it got me so stressed out and I don’t know what to do. I have had blood shot eyes about it cause I’m so stressed out Smiley sad

18 Comments

Latest activity by Mandy, on March 29, 2022 at 09:49
  • Mandy
    Beginner June 2024 Ontario
    Mandy ·
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    A baby can't walk at all. They wouldn't be contributing anything to the ceremony, so there wouldn't be any point. Maybe the baby could still be included in some of the pictures of the wedding party? That way the SIL wouldn't feel like the baby's being excluded?
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  • KELLY
    Featured October 2023 Ontario
    KELLY ·
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    I hope it does, wedding panning is hard enough without all the family drama!

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    On that note, she should have talked to you alone personally before bringing it up on the dinner table. I don't think she should be allowed to do what she is requesting in this case. Do talk to her alone and her know how you feel about the situation and let it be done for good.

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  • Lindsay
    Frequent user June 2023 British Columbia
    Lindsay ·
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    She isn’t pregnant yet either and it’s harder to have a second child…there maybe some complications who knows. I love children don’t get me wrong but she put her future child in a bad light and if I was pregnant I wouldn’t consider bringing up that my child should be in the wedding unless asked by the bride.
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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    This dilemma does seems unfortunate to let happen due to the fact the newborn may feel uncertain if there is discomfort in ways with the father to calm the baby down. Your sister in law would have to get the baby and wouldn't look good on the video as imagined. She needs to worry about the newborn being with her more as your dad will have his part to do and more about the baby otherwise, not that you want that to happen.

    Just let her hear the truth of it and she needs to accept her duty as a mother as your dad and yourself have that time down the aisle walk. It may sound stressful though its your day and needs to be focused on you and not her. Every baby is cute though there are moments which will be unexpected and stop to say I'll be be right back. If the parents support your decision, then its her who will have to take the back seat to understand the views given unless there is a middle point that can be met with the family.

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  • Lindsay
    Frequent user June 2023 British Columbia
    Lindsay ·
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    It comes with the territory of wedding planning and I got to see that head on. This one thing just really got me on edge. The air will clear eventually it’s just going to take some time to forget it cause it caused some tension.
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  • Hailey
    Featured June 2022 British Columbia
    Hailey ·
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    You have to remeber you will never make everyone happy and that is ok this is your and hubby to be big day and that's what matters.
    If you don't want that you have to make that hard decision to put your foot down. At the end of the day it's what you and your fiance day not hers


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  • Amanda
    Featured August 2022 British Columbia
    Amanda ·
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    Sometimes you have to have those difficult conversations

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  • Lindsay
    Frequent user June 2023 British Columbia
    Lindsay ·
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    It only added to the stress… it was during the dinner that she was telling us that we should include her unborn (and unannounced) kid to walk the aisle with the father possibly. At the time I didn’t think about it then it settled in afterwards that it would be too much. I have a lot of people in my wedding party already. I already had to refuse my niece who is almost 1 but my sister in law understood.
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  • KELLY
    Featured October 2023 Ontario
    KELLY ·
    • Dispute

    My goodness! I can see why people want their children in a wedding party- they're soo cute in their little suits and dresses! HOWEVER, that is way out of line and the wedding party should be decided by the couple getting married not guests. I hope you fiance is able to clear things up, wedding planning is stressful enough without these issues.

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  • Lindsay
    Frequent user June 2023 British Columbia
    Lindsay ·
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    My fiancé is going to tell her I didn’t appreciate her comments and inserting her unborn child in my wedding. Her and I may have to chat about this too eventually cause I am scared to do the heart to heart talk if she’s going to be saying these things.
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  • Amanda
    Featured August 2022 British Columbia
    Amanda ·
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    If you don't want to have both of them even though this second child isn't even here yet, I would just straight up tell her that you don't have room. This is your wedding, not hers and you're the one that is deciding things.

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  • Lindsay
    Frequent user June 2023 British Columbia
    Lindsay ·
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    Yup. The father would have to walk down the aisle too which would be awkward and I don’t want that anyways.
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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
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    Even if she gets busy tonight and that one shot automatically yielded a positive result, that kid will only be six months old by your wedding. She really thinks this kid could walk down the aisle at that age? Gotta say, someone sure has really high hopes for their kid lol. Most adults would crack under that kind of pressure.

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  • Lindsay
    Frequent user June 2023 British Columbia
    Lindsay ·
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    Yes the way she’s talking and how she said it made me think she really wants her unborn child to be either a ring bearer or a flower girl. I already have 2 flower girls (her daughter is one of them) and wants me to add another one when I do not want to add more.
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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
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    isn’t expecting yet

    So she's not pregnant but is demanding a potential baby to be a part of the wedding?

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  • Lindsay
    Frequent user June 2023 British Columbia
    Lindsay ·
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    I’m getting my fiancé to talk to his sister about it, it really bugged me because I can’t have everyone be in the wedding, she was talking as if she demanded her kid and her unborn child (isn’t expecting yet) to join the wedding. She planned a wedding before and should know what it’s like to plan one. I even had second thoughts about this whole thing.
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  • Kim
    Devoted June 2022 British Columbia
    Kim ·
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    Is it that you don't want to have both of them as flower girls? For the one that isn't born yet, depending on when they're due, they won't be the best walker too, which means that someone will probably have to carry them.
    If you're not interested in having them both as your flower girls, maybe have your FH talk to her about it, since that's his sister - may be a bit easier on you. But either way, only do what you want to do! Don't let anyone tell you who should be doing what.
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