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Valerya
Newbie September 2022 Quebec

Difficult time deciding who to ask to be my maid of honour and bridesmaids. Help!

Valerya, on August 2, 2022 at 14:44 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 13
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1. In short ( I don't feel close to my best friend anymore who i would have loved to have as my MOH)

2. Other girls in friend group don't get along.

3. I'm worried if I pick one of my other friends, my best friend will be upset.

4. I don't want this to cause drama.

5. How many should I even have?

6. Should I throw in a wild card and pick someone no one ever met or knows?


HELP. How did you decide? I'm thinking to just pull names out of a hate at this point.

13 Comments

Latest activity by Rachay, on August 8, 2022 at 01:52
  • Rachay
    Curious August 2022 Ontario
    Rachay ·
    • Dispute
    I wouldn't worry about your friends feelings. This is your special day and if your friend cannot be happy for you then that's not truly your friend. Same goes for the others that don't get along. They should be able be cordial for you, if they care about you.


    In terms of numbers that is really going to depend on you and the size of your wedding. My wedding is small with only 60 people and my fiance and I have 5 people on each side. Which took up at least 10 spots. So just factor that in as well.
    My maid of honor is my best friend of almost 20 years. However, my cousin has done more the wedding planning than she has..so in hindsight that title should have went to my cousin.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Newbie October 2022 British Columbia
    Michelle ·
    • Dispute
    Don’t worry about your friend’s feelings, it’s your wedding so choose who you want to have by your side on your special day! If they’re upset that’s on them
    • Reply
  • G
    Curious October 2022 Ontario
    Giuseppina ·
    • Dispute

    Honestly, if you think that having those girls in your wedding party is going to cause a lot of drama, then I wouldn't have a wedding party. I had drama in my wedding party and it caused me so much stress for no reason.

    To avoid unnecessary drama and added stress, I personally wouldn't have one!

    • Reply
  • Crystal
    Newbie June 2023 Ontario
    Crystal Online ·
    • Dispute

    So, my sister is the MOH (pretty common). If that's not an option, do you have a soon to be Sister In Law? If that still isn't a good option, my sister didn't have an MOH as she didn't feel like splitting everyone. She had a small wedding party (3 girls, all BFFs from different points in her life). While I have an extremely large party (this is large in part due to the size of my partner's family), plus including my 2 children. Go with your gut! Remember your wedding party is has more to do with this point in time, where your life is now, people drift, there will be some in the party that you may not be as close to in 5 or 10 years. It's about the here and now. Do what's best for you.

    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    Frequent user August 2022 Alberta
    Kelsey ·
    • Dispute
    I chose to not have a MOH because I didn't want to choose between my friends and sister. So they're standing up with me in order from who has known me the longest and they are all working together to help with events and whatnot
    • Reply
  • KELLY
    Featured October 2023 Ontario
    KELLY ·
    • Dispute

    As an older couple and a 2nd marriage for both of us we have chosen to have our children aged 14-25 as our wedding party. It saves all of the drama and hurt feelings...

    • Reply
  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
    • Dispute

    You do not need a wedding party. Many couples opt not to have one.

    The MOH's main obligation is to sign the marriage certificate as your witness but anyone can do that. Just get someone close to you (family member or parent) if you don't want friends to get jealous.

    • Reply
  • Stacey
    Frequent user October 2022 Ontario
    Stacey ·
    • Dispute

    We're not having a wedding party Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • Melanie
    Newbie July 2023 Ontario
    Melanie ·
    • Dispute

    I have the same issue... since covid, things have been different with my bestfriends. We recently stopped talking. My FH has so many close friends, and I have 0 close friends. I have girls that I talk to and get along with, all from different circle, but no one close.

    • Reply
  • Carmel
    Featured December 2020 Ontario
    Carmel ·
    • Dispute
    A lot has been said here already but I'm just going to add - you don't need a MOH. If you have friends you want to be your BMs just have BMs. Or don't have anyone if you don't want to 🤷🏻‍♀️ I often find bridal parties more drama than anything else.
    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Featured August 2022 British Columbia
    Amanda ·
    • Dispute
    I just have my best friend standing up for me. Simple as that
    If other people get jealous for not being asked, that's on them not you. This is your wedding day and you can chose whoever you want to be apart of it. No one else's opinion!
    • Reply
  • Malyssa
    Featured October 2022 Alberta
    Malyssa ·
    • Dispute

    HI Valerya,

    I know this side of planning can always be tough but here are a few things to consider:

    1. You do not NEED to have a bridal party. Many couples are opting to not have any at all, and this would eliminate having to pick

    2. If you do pick someone, there is not limit to how many you have. Personally for myself, I only have my bestie as my number 1, anyone else would have been forced so I opted for only 1, while my FH has 3 guys on his side.

    3. I think you should really think who you would want to be with you on your special day, as you end up spending just as much time with them as you do your partner. Whoever you pick will be thrilled to be involved, and if someone is upset for not getting "picked" (IMHO) they are not very good friends to begin with.

    TLDR: this seems to be the common rule couples are following these days - "its your day, so you can do as you please!"

    • Reply
  • Carine
    Featured September 2023 Ontario
    Carine ·
    • Dispute

    I have a lot of close friends, one I've known for over 15 years, but the last few years I lost that closeness, she's been with her BF for 5 years and still haven't met him, I've always told her she would be my MOH, I messaged her when I was engaged and told her I was getting married and she kind of flipped on me when I told her the date. So I decided this, my MOH is someone that I am close with and got closer during covid and met her BF and we talk daily, I've asked my FH's brothers girlfriend and My Bestfriend from grade 7. this way no jealousy and she can't complain that I did not ask her, plus I will bring up the point she freaked out when I told her the date and that just showed me she didn't want the roll. Plus if we are bestfriends why haven't I met your BF of 5 years?

    There's no number it's who you want. One of my friends didn't have a bridal party because she didn't know who to ask as MOH since she had 4 bestfriends and really didn't want the drama. So she invited us to get ready and had a limo for us all but we did not have a roll in her wedding but being there.

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