Difficult bridesmaids

I can certainly understand your frustration with this, but that being said- I think it’s super important to communicate with your bridal party your expectations for them. This is usually something that is discussed early on in the planning stages. Perhaps affordability is a factor. Covid and planning events could be a factor.


Everyone seems to have different ideas as to what is “expected” of a bridal party and what is “typically planned” by whom. So if these activities are Important to you as a bride, I would talk to your bridal party and discuss who will be helping with planning these things.They may not know it is expected of them, or some may think it is the couples job to plan. Just talk it out and navigate from there. I would also be ready to plan and or pay for some of these events on your own if you really want them, seeing as the time is drawing more near. Best of luck ❤️

I honestly planned my own bachelorette! My bridal party did a lot without me knowing to make it super special - I think it’s a collaboration!! I also let my bridesmaids choose all their own dresses so they could pick their style and price point - I know it’s not for everyone but it turned out lovely. I did everything I could to take the pressure off them and it made it a stress free process for me too

Devils advocate here, but maybe they couldn't afford the dress at that time?

Bridal shower's and jack and Jill's are usually the couple to be's job to plan.

The only thing you should be asking your wedding party is your bachelorette, also can they afford to pay for all these parties you feel like they should be planning?

I would sit down with them and talk to them, maybe there's a reason they don't want to help plan things for you, or maybe they planned to surprise you?

Some brides have friends and family with money and can afford to plan lavishing parties for the couple to be and some are not in the position.

I think some of your expectations are too high.

Asking not demanding is one way to get more of their cooperation and seeing as we are still in a pandemic I would have a small engagement party hosted by yourself and your FH. With everything been shut down for so long, I would forget the Jack and Jill all together. People in general have less disposable cash, cut some of your wedding costs so you can pay for most if not all of it yourselves.

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But your wedding is slated for July this year so it makes sense to have your bachelorette party this year, not last year. And considering how rules keep changing, they may not want to commit to anything so early in case it can't happen and end up disappointing you. And you don't need many months advanced notice to invite someone to a bachelorette or shower.

I recall you mentioning that your purpose for putting together a large bridal party is to have more help at the wedding. When you asked them to be a bridesmaid, did you mention all these parties that you were expecting? Did they agree to this? Having someone plan four pre-wedding events is a lot to ask when they are already fronting costs to be a bridesmaid.

View quoted message Fully agree with what Alta said here. reading some of your other comments- my personal opinion is you shouldn’t be “demanding” your bridesmaids to do anything. You can certainly ask. With that being said, perhaps it’s time to reevaluate a few things… 1) their financial stance… 2) your expectations and what your bridesmaids think they need to do 3) if you’re not happy with the people that you’ve asked to stand up with you, than maybe you need to reconsider.


Personally, I would not be “demanding” things like a bachelorette party, jack n Jill etc. a jack and Jill is to raise money but people need to put money into it especially when it comes to prizes and whatnot. Again, personal opinion but you should plan for a wedding you can afford not one where it depends on other people raising money for your wedding. There is nothing wrong with either options its just so you’re aware and have an open mind going into it . Set a budget you are comfortable with

Seems like their might be a language barrier here or even a cultural differences, I’m having a hard time understanding your replies.
But In my opinion I don’t think it’s right to expect or demand anything from anyone especially in these times.
I planned my bachelorette party with my MOH we discussed openly with all the bridesmaids about what was affordable. I gave them an option for dresses hair and makeup that were affordable and if they didn’t want it they didn’t have to get it. It’s tough times for people and especially if some of your bridesmaids are single they are only their only means of income! Give grace and you should get the same in return Good luck ☺️

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I am asking for a long time since i am engage for more than one and half years and i dunno why they wont do anything when you see other bridesmaid help their brides plan so many parties and help with the wedding

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I see other brides use jack and jill to make $$$ for their wedding

View quoted message The fundraising event you are talking about is a very regional specific thing. If you are in a social circle where it is common you need to take the initiative to start planning and ASK(not demand) if anyone is willing to help.

Honestly I think right now in the middle of Omicron it kinda of bad time. I would just have the wedding I can afford but that is up to you.

Your bridesmaids are obligated to do anything except show up on your wedding with the appropriate dress. If you have other expectations you should have made that clear when asking.

View quoted message I would be very careful how you word it, choice of words matter. Demand is not what you should be doing here. You can’t demand hints from people like that. These are supposedly your friends, right?
There can be natural consequences like if a dress isn’t ordered by a certain date then it won’t be in for wedding but try putting this expectation kindly and allow open communication. Maybe they haven’t done things because of personal issues. It’s a rough world out there right now, some people might be having financial or personal issues so start from a place for grace instead of demanding.

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I see. I really don't think you should be relying on raising money in order to pay for your wedding. Perhaps your budget needs to be adjusted?

I would just let your bridesmaids know that this is something that is important to you, and see if anyone had the intention to host something like this. That way you either don't get your hopes up or you can stop worrying about it.

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Yes, i will ask them and demand they do things soon thank you

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Yes i see other bridesmaid do so mucjh for there bride and yet my bridesmaid have not done anything

i want jack and jill to celebrate my engagement and to make money for my wedding because its hard since i finish school and jobs are very little due to pandemic

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Yes so frustrating because they did not want to buy dress so fast saying they dont want to but if they cant come becuz of lock down but with vaccines this is no problem!!!

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They have no plan right now even tho ive been engaged since 2020 and if we wait too long then it will be hard to invite other people to attend

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I am busy planning the wedding

Engagement parties are usually hosted by couple or maybe their parents?
Jack and Jill is just a couple shower?

You still have a few months, the holidays just ended and the pandemic is ongoing.
Just be really clear in your expectation - need to order dress by whatever date to ensure it is in town. I probably won't have a bachelorette but if I did I would probably help plan so maybe reach out to your MOH and ask?

I don't think all of the prewedding parties are as common as some people think they are. I don't know anyone that had an engagement party or a Jack and Jill. However I can still understand how disappointing it must be that your friends and family don't seem interested in doing these things for you.

Engagement party should be planned by the bride and groom, my fiancé and I planned our own.

As for the other parties, if they are not interested in planning - you may have to do it.

But for the dresses, I do not understand why they did not order their dresses? Bridesmaid dresses should be ordered a maximum of around 6 months before the wedding so you guys need to do that ASAP. Maybe go to a dress store and make sure they order a dress this weekend or next weekend.

What Gloria said. I've also never heard of having someone else host a wedding couple's engagement party.

To be fair, you still have six months until your wedding so there is plenty of time for your pre-wedding festivities. If they don't have any plans at the moment, maybe it's because we're currently still under heavy restrictions in Ontario due to high case counts.

If something is important to you, have you considered planning your own party?