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Tina
Frequent user July 2021 Ontario

Destination wedding rant

Tina, on April 26, 2019 at 19:23 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 11
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I'm getting married in June 2020 in Punta Cana. I've gotten group rates through a travel agent and sent the STDs to everyone, and the TA has sent a couple emails about the fact that a $300 deposit is due May 5 to secure this price. I wanted to do it early so everyone would have lots of time to save $$ because none of the people I know can drop almost $2k at the drop of a hat.

I got a rate of $1,815 to a 5-star BEAUTIFUL resort that's basically my dream location. I did the math and each person would need to save just under $100/month to be able to go.

The deposit deadline is in a week, and not a SINGLE person has made a payment. Not one.

The BM says lots are thinking they can get it for cheaper. Not likely. I've been following this resort on TripAdvisor, and the general going rate is between $1900 and $2300 pp per week. Thg is resort sells out as it's not massive, so there's no such thing as seat sales with steep discounts. They don't need to.

I'm both furious and hurt. I invited about 50 people, expecting about 30 to come. Now I haven't a clue how many I can expect.

To top it off, my closest aunt told me that she's not likely to go because she doesn't do well in the heat. She seemed totally on board when we discussed it at Christmas, and is only now telling me. My other aunt isn't coming because her daughter is getting married this summer in Iceland, so they don't really have the money (totally understandable). My mom passed a couple years ago, so my aunts are kind of my substitute mom.

My FH's family also hasn't committed. His dad's been quite sick lately, so I get it.

I'm just at a complete loss. Before going ahead with a destination, we discussed it with mostly everybody and, while there were a few who were hesitant, we mostly got positive responses, which us why we went ahead. How the hell are BOTH our families and friends ALL flaking on us?!?

11 Comments

Latest activity by Tina, on April 29, 2019 at 11:12
  • Tina
    Frequent user July 2021 Ontario
    Tina ·
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    Thanks Vinod,

    You're completely right and we're for sure doing an at-home reception when we get back, probably for 120 or so.
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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Its terrible to hear that family isn't being supportive to wanting to be there for you at the resort and to not put forth the deposit money. Every situation is different varying on everyone's financial and health. Whomever is going to make it, will be there to celebrate your day. If you make it just an elopement being smaller than expected, may as well enjoy that intimate feeling.

    Consider the option hold a reception in town so family and friends can attend to party with you at your reception. Somethings we think is happening for the best may not be later on. Take this as a sign that adjustments can be taken into consideration.

    Destination weddings are just one of those budgeting costs that I couldn't even afford to go for even family. Its hard enough to just put down the amount needed and save up for the rest if something happened to me or anyone and couldn't get the money back from the TA.

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  • Madisyn
    Expert February 2020 Ontario
    Madisyn ·
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    Hi Tina,

    I'm glad I could help. I agree with your family! This is your dream wedding after all, and your guests electing not to attend will be the ones at a loss. An intimate wedding by the ocean will be breathtaking nonetheless!

    Also, the vast majority of our guests waited until the very last day to book (even for the 'fake' deadlines), so you might start to see them coming in at the last minute.

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  • Tina
    Frequent user July 2021 Ontario
    Tina ·
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    Hi Madisyn,

    Thank you so much for this! Now that I've calmed down a bit, I completely agree with you. I'm a little miffed at my TA because the idea of multiple reminders is exactly what I was thinking myself, but she only did the one, and only 2 weeks in advance at that. I should have insisted. I've also had several conversations with my sisters, my FH and my FMIL and they're all of the mind that we should just go ahead and if we only have 10 people, so be it.
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  • Madisyn
    Expert February 2020 Ontario
    Madisyn ·
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    I am so sorry to hear this is happening to you! And we can sort of relate... We are getting married in Punta Cana in April 2020. We also went through a travel agent but we did three waves of Save the Dates leading up to the May 14th deposit deadline. This way we were able to pressure our guests to book by giving them a short deadline and by telling them they wouldn't be guaranteed a spot at the wedding if they didn't book on time. This also left wiggle room to continue adding more guests as we received declines. If you don't have any RSVP's yet, maybe you can get a new group rate for the next 90 days and try giving shorter deadlines?

    We also had some key people decline at the very last minute after having said yes numerous times. My FH lost out on two of his groomsmen because they have decided not to come. It sucks and unfortunately there's no way around it.

    I'm sure this will work out for you. Good luck!
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  • Sharlene
    Expert August 2019 Alberta
    Sharlene ·
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    It sounds like a very common thing. Do you have to have a ceremony in Canada in order to make your marriage legal? If so, maybe have something more elaborate here than you were planning. That way your loved ones will attend this wedding and whomever is able to make the destination wedding will. My new outlook is to celebrate our guests that are attending our wedding rather than being disappointed about the ones that won't be there. We expected family to come from New Brunswick and northern Ontario to our wedding in Jasper Alberta. So far both of my fiance's parents aren't coming.
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  • L
    Curious August 2021 Alberta
    Lindsay ·
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    Maybe follow up with those who you are close with and see if they intend on coming or not, and discuss with your travel agent if there is an alternative way to use you deposit at the same resort just in case. As much as I enjoy travelling I’ve never been able to attend a destination wedding due to the cost.
    I understand that it’s a good value for your particular resort, but that is a lot of money for someone like myself to spend on a holiday.

    Is there a close resort that guests could stay at and still attend the wedding at your resort? Maybe that’s what people are thinking of doing.

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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    I completely understand where you are coming from.
    We were about a day away from going to put a deposit down for a destination wedding and I completely changed my mind after having a breakdown. Everyone was on board, and then I started getting comments from my family about money, and if we went away they couldn’t do other things, etc. I started to feel really guilty for doing that when my grandma wouldn’t be able to go and I know that would break her heart and mine.

    you and your FH could always go down and do a small ceremony and enjoy the trip and then come back and do a reception here with everyone.

    I think many people want to support your decision in the beginning to not hurt your feelings, and then once things need to be booked and deposits put down everything changes.
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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    I agree with Erin, it’s definitely not right for people to jump on board at first mention and flake out but I’ve had that happen to me with vacations in general.

    people are pumped about the prospect of going away and then once logistics get involved other commitments, work (for me, I am limited to when I can take my vacation each year), children commitments, finances, it can be tricky.

    I think at this point, if no one puts a deposit down, you and your FH could go to the DR and have a private ceremony there and perhaps return later on and have a reception here that people could attend?
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  • Tina
    Frequent user July 2021 Ontario
    Tina ·
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    All fair points, for sure. Had people expressed doubt at the beginning, I might have changed plans. Now we've shelled out a significant sum for deposits and turning back would be pretty expensive. Not to mention that for my family to come here for just a weekend would cost about $2k per couple, so about half of what a week in DR would be. I would have thought that would be an incentive - 2 days here for the wedding vs 1 week vacation.

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  • Erin
    Super May 2022 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    I'm not doing a destination wedding but I'm sure this is very common. I am sorry this is happening to you. I think you have to take some things into consideration, people get excited about a trip and are on board when discussed during the winter. When you did your math is that $100 per person per month or per couple bc saving $200 a month is a lot. Also to be honest tough to want to go to an island in June when it's hot here, not to take away from the true reason of going away which is your wedding. If no deposit has been made then consider getting married here and going to your dream resort for your honeymoon.

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