Deciding my moh

Hi Emily,

How did things go? Were you able to decide on a MOH or choose both?

The choice to make both friends MOHs is up to you knowing they can share the costs and responsibilities for the events and wedding day. You see red flags from one or both, then make them BM (bridesmaids) instead to avoid any conflicts from the beginning. It will save you the headache of knowing excuses won't be given or the position isn't being overwhelming on them too.

Ultimately, you can have to decide upon your feelings of who would fit the best or both if they feel comfortable to share the spot.

SO I agree with alot of what is said here but maybe one other thought....you also don't HAVE to have a specific MOH. You could just have bridesmaids, if its too hard to pick one or the other.

I have also read that have 2 MOH could be beneficial for the "cost" sides of things, like throwing parties, ect.

But ultimately, like others have mentioned, there should be no additional costs if you dont want there to be. Setting your boundaries and expectations from the start is the best way to have things, so people are aware up front what you want of them.

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I would choose the one you trust and the one who doesn't make any excuses. It seems like and easy choice.

View quoted message I'm not one for parties anyways, I'm really only having doubts about the one who is all of a sudden making excuses to not come wedding dress shopping with me. The other one I know would show up

You pick someone you want to be beside you, someone who will be there when you need them.

When I asked my MOH she was happy with the role and has stepped in. A lot of brides put pressure on their Bridal party with it's their duty to pay for Bridal showers and bachelorette, I think that was the case back in the day when weddings are cheaper and things didn't cost an arm and a leg. I feel these days people are afraid of that roll because they think they need to dish out money. All three of my girls are in no position to spend money on parties and since I know their financial situations I told them they would have to pay for their dresses but not to go over board, I gave the colors I wanted and I told them if they found a $20.00 dress in those colors go for it.

I also told my MOH and that I did not want her stressing about money and parties that if she needs help I would be happy to help out. She could plan it and I will help pay for it.

If you are having doubts about both of them, they aren't the ones you want on your side.

View quoted message Thanks ladies. She actually made the choice quite clear to me this morning, when she messaged me at 10 after 7 saying she was apparently puking. Knowing this was planned for about a month and a half now. So first excuse was not having gas and now apparently puking 🙄🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️.

I agree with Carmel! It’s very easy to get caught up in this materialized version of wedding events that we read online. I was so nervous about asking people to be in my wedding party. Until realizing that more than half the stuff online is just more ways for the wedding industry to take our money. Lol.


Being in the bridal party do come with some cost, especially if the couple is not paying for everything - which is completely normal now a days - usually we just buy a gift for them and they pay for the dress, hair and make up, accessories and that’s about it.
I would personally not choose either of them to be the MOH.
I only have 2 in my wedding party and it’s my sister (20) and my best friend (27). I clearly went with my friend who is my age, grew up with me so knows my likes and dislikes, is finally stable, and available. My sister did not take offence to it and I talked to her about it first to let her know the only reason why you’re not my MOH is because you are in school and I don’t want to add the stress onto you!
If the 2 are your only options, I would go with the first one. And I wouldn’t put the second one in the party at all. She can’t even go somewhere because of gas, I can not even think how she’s going to be when she has to travel to go try on bridesmaid gowns and what happens when it comes to purchasing.

View quoted message Don't worry about what you read online! Do what feels right to you. Honestly, it's your wedding. Do not let her feel bad. A good friend will be happy just to be a part of the day in any way you want her to. It's her issue if she can't accept being a bridesmaid versus the MOH. Less pressure really! Sounds like she may cause you some headaches either way... I don't think you'll regret going with your gut here.

View quoted message Carmel thanks, everything I have read up on says that it's the maid of honors duty to do alot for the bride... I am in no way like that, my fiance and I plan on paying for our wedding and stuff like that, I just feel like the second friend pushed herself on me to be my maid of honor and I'm at a cross road of telling her that I'd rather her be a bridesmaid then my maid of honor but also don't want her mad at me

Sorry, maybe I have a different perception of a bridal party but being a MOH shouldn't cost either more...? What duties will be an expense? Other than potentially a dress and/or hair and makeup, it should not cost your wedding party any extra expense.... you can also insist they don't give you a gift. It also sounds like you should pick the first friend. Not sure why the second can't just get gas... that's a horrible excuse. Other option - you can have to MOH's...