Newbie September 2023 Ontario

Coping with Crushing Your Ideal Wedding Vision?

fossa, on October 8, 2021 at 12:49 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 6

Hey y'all,

I know there are other brides and grooms out there who are experiencing the same and I guess I'm just looking for solidarity in this feeling and how you came to accept that your "dream wedding" wasn't a realistic wedding or within your budget. It may just be a long, ole' vent that makes me sound like a bridezilla or a nightmare client; but hopefully it can be something others are relating to and maybe connect with? Maybe you've already "7-Stages of Grief'ed" this part of wedding planning and have some stellar tips for those of us still moping around in Stage 4.


First, I know, it's so superficial.

Nobody will remember the venue, the décor or any of the little details we stress over while we plan. As the bride, I may not even think of any of those details on the Big Day. At least, I'm hoping I won't! But, I've been planning a "dream wedding" since I was small and planning out the more tangible vision for my fiancé and my wedding since pre-engagement days. Now, when we have been planning it seems that even the small things are unattainable due to cost or distance. It seems that every corner I turn in attempts to find an option we can actualize, I'm met with some sort of roadblock or hiccup or big, neon "GIRL YOU THOUGHT" aggressively reminding me that this is going to be a hard journey of changing plans to Option D, E, F...


Our dream venue was Stonefields. And for once, we agreed on something just being "it". When I contacted earlier in the year and found out the price tag of an all-inclusive, trendy and popular locale (not to mention in an industry still reeling from COVID-19 impact) I was devastated. Nearly $30, 000.00 CAD after all taxes, services and fees was way outside of our budget or expectations; albeit it a thirty grand spent on an immaculate, inclusive and promisingly stress-free wedding experience.

Our dream date was 22/10/22. He liked it because it gave us nearly two years of budgeting and wouldn't fall in a hot month of sweaty suit-wearing. I liked it because it's officially PSL season, it's aesthetically-pleasing on an invite and looks like a little butterfly when written out as day-month-year. Then we found it was National Eat a Pretzel Day and fell in love with a fall pretzel bar as a late night snack. MMM, all of the salty dough and caramel and cheese and jalapeno dips... But, due to COVID-19 date pushouts and also in our delay in finding an affordable venue within our $10,000 budget we lost the date. The 2022 year, as I'm sure other Ontario brides and grooms have found, has been mostly reserved for those who lost their dates due to the pandemic and are finally able to catch a break and book a date! As elated as I am for our friends who are finally able to have their I Do Day... I am also salty and in my own feelings about it.


I've searched for months and been let down by the high-cost of what I envisioned versus what I can afford. And, I'm not one to push outside of my limits or force myself down a financial rabbit-hole. So, I've been slowly coming up with alternatives, and making compromises, and downgrading visions, and deleting Pinterest boards, and cutting out my idealizations while reassuring myself that this day is going to be filled with so much love, connection, magic and all of those things that make our love story "ours", too. It will be a day we cherish and at the end I get to look my now-fiancé in the eyes and say, "Oh... hey, husband" and hear, "Hey, wife" and everything from now until then will melt away.

But right now, I just feel sad and mournful and disappointed and I guess I need validation that it's okay to have first-world-problem feels because of all of this.

Thanks for entertaining my long-winded adult tantrum over what I am certain a lot of others will find to be insignificant details! LOL. That's it, that's my wedding planning TEDTalk.



Latest activity by Brianna, on October 12, 2021 at 12:27
  • Brianna
    Curious March 2023 British Columbia
    Brianna ·
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    I needed this post. Just like you, I'm not glad other people are going through this, but it does help me feel better. It honestly feels like robbery to charge $15,000 + for a venue, then having to pay for food and alcohol and whatever else. It's insane to me that people can afford it.

    I, like you, had all these visions and excitement to plan my wedding, and after reaching out to which honestly seemed EVERY venue I could possibly reach out to, I was ready to go to town hall and say screw it. We are paying for this wedding essentially ourselves and we are just average working citizens. I can't afford to go into crippling debt, and saving up that amount for one day is INSANE to me. It's such a bummer.

    So, with that all being said I have lowered my standards a lot, have finally come to terms with it. It's been hard and I'm still salty and sad, but at the end of the day I know that it will be perfect because it will be our day. As long as I have my friends and family and music to dance to, I could be in a field and it would be fine. It will be NO means be my "dream wedding", but at least it's a wedding and I'll finally be married to my dream man, y'know? Taking it for what it's worth.

    But yes, you are NOT alone, and I too am mournful of my dreams.

    (Anyone want to open a wedding venue with me? Seems we could cash in! Smiley winking )

    • Reply
  • Rayanne
    Featured January 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne ·
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    I did have this a bit but more because of covid....I've been planning and replanting so many times. We did not think I'd get a wedding anything near what we wanted because of lockdown and mandates. However, it looks like except for a couple of small changes our wedding will be pretty close to normal. That being said if we were to book same wedding at same venue today it would cost us a good 40% more than when we booked. We can get a beautiful wedding there for the same price we are paying but it would not have all the extras that we are looking forward to. We are locked in at 2018 prices which makes a huge difference. I hope you are able to have your dream wedding or build something that is amazing for you and SO.
    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Newbie September 2022 Ontario
    Jessica ·
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    I feel this 100%!!! The wedding industry has changed so much from when members of my family were planning their weddings. It gave me unrealistic expectations going into things now.

    Covid has caused a lot of price increases as well. I too, have been feeling really defeated. I have always had the mentality if you’re going to do something do it right, and go big or go home!
    Yet I keep coming down to the same problem. How much debt do I want to have for one day? What’s more important? The date? The venue? The guests? I always wanted something with some, “WOW,” factor and not, “wow this place is garbage,” lol. I’m currently struggling between venues and feeling at a loss. Half the places are out of budget, booked up two years out, or tired looking. No matter what I do I feel like we’re gambling, rolling the dice and nothing feels as exciting and wonderful as I hoped.
    You are not alone! I know I will figure it out and I’m sure you will too. It is comforting to know that it’s normal to make changes and replan what was the ideal dream wedding. I guess I’ll have to get more creative lol and hope to gods there’s a venue with a date available that works haha.
    Best of luck to you and I hope you feel better in the future!
    • Reply
  • fossa
    Newbie September 2023 Ontario
    fossa ·
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    View quoted message

    The $0.99 cent version; where everything in the wedding is labeled vaguely like a No Name Brand! Might be a hilarious theme if I eventually give up totally on our current ideas. LOL!

    I'm not glad but I am relieved to see someone else has felt the same. Hopefully that time period gives you the leniency to still get everything you've dreamt of or as closely to it as you can! We've pushed to 2023 so far and honestly, I've considered doing what you have and going the distance to 2024. We're also "Government Spouses". LOL.

    It truly is gobsmacking when you start to actualize pricing. Even more so when you realize, "wow... some couple out there has paid this and more... a lot of some couples out there!" and start to second-guess your astonishment.

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  • Brittany
    Curious August 2024 Alberta
    Brittany Online ·
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    I feel you so much on the costs aspect of the wedding. When I first started looking when I was officially engaged March of this year, I was flabbergasted by the prices of venues. Especially since they are all going up in prices in 2022 and beyond so something that would have been attainable but still tight in budget has now been a complete no due to costs. I did the exact same thing once I started seeing prices, deleted Pinterest boards, lowered my standards and I still felt like it was not enough, because I, like you, still want to have the wedding of my dreams and was having a hard time envisioning something I actually liked. One point I even had a dream of me walking out of my wedding because it was like a 99 cent version and I was so upset for the rest of the day lol.

    To make our wedding more attainable and after talking for a bit we decided to push our wedding to 2024. We are in no rush really, yes it sucks we can't be married but in reality we already are in the eyes of the government. My fiancé is also in deployment season coming in January 2022 to October 2023 and I do not want a winter wedding so after that it was pretty easy to say well I really want a certain look for our wedding and to be able to have that, we now have 3 years of more saving we can do to be able too have our dream wedding Smiley smile

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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
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    If there's anything that planning a wedding during this pandemic has taught me, is that most of the things people initially want when thinking of a "dream wedding" do not matter an ounce. Back when I was planning things pre-pandemic, I was tossing around ideas on what would be a cool factor but that's all it was, just a thing to add on as a cool factor. Our experience and those of our guests were not diminished when we couldn't get those elements.

    Just curious, how many people were you expecting to host for $10K and what kind of an event were you planning to have?

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