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Marie
Beginner June 2021 Ontario

Ceremony Only? Replanning for Covid

Marie, on February 26, 2021 at 16:30 Posted in Plan a wedding 1 12
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After postponing our original September 13 2020 date to June 13 2020, the covid situation doesn't seem to be looking much better but we don't want to postpone again as we are already in our 30s and eager to start a family. In light of the ever-changing restrictions and lockdowns in Toronto, my fiance and I are thinking of cancelling our venue altogether (they agreed to refund our deposit if we so choose) and just planning a simple 3pm backyard ceremony for 30 of our closest family and friends (restrictions permitting), including speeches and 1st dances, but dinner later, only for our immediate family (9 of us). Of course, we would PREFER to have everyone for a reception dinner but my parents yard isn't big enough for that many tables and the thought of potentially losing thousands of dollars if we order dinner catering for 30, but a lockdown gets announced the weeks or days before our wedding that only allows 10 people majorly stresses us out. I thought about a cocktail reception with appetizers but cocktail receptions and buffet tables weren't allowed all summer 2020 so not feeling confident they will be allowed by this June.

Anyway, all this to ask, is it rude to invite guests for JUST a backyard ceremony? Maybe a champagne/mocktail toast if we can but probably no food? In normal times we would never consider this but right now it seems like the only relatively "covid proof"/least stressful plan we can come up with. I worry it will come off rude or cheap but don't know what else to do.

12 Comments

Latest activity by Niki, on March 11, 2021 at 18:26
  • Niki
    Frequent user August 2021 Ontario
    Niki ·
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    I think anything goes with how the circumstances are right now. People will always talk no matter what is going on - covid or not! Who cares! They should feel good that you invited them to begin with Smiley smile Do what you and your Fiance want!There are no rules

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  • Alison
    Frequent user August 2022 Ontario
    Alison ·
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    I don’t think this will come off as rude or cheap at all! It sounds lovely to me, and I’m sure everyone will understand why you’ve decided to go this route. We did something similar last August where we had 30 people (including officiant and photographer) for just a ceremony with cupcakes, cookies, and a champagne toast. Afterwards my husband and I just went for dinner the 2 of us. I agree with Hank, that I wouldn’t plan for 30, as it sounds like the most allowed at a private residence will be 25. I also agree with the other posters that it will be important to make it clear to those who are only invited to the reception, so they know to leave before dinner. In my experience though, everyone will be completely understanding of any choice you make. If they are the 25 people closest to you, they will just be so happy for you no matter what you do that day!
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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    You do what is best for the both of you as the celebrations go for the wedding. The circumstances of not having all the cost put out seems right if the family would rather do a small wedding in the backyard. The idea of holding back on the larger celebration for an Anniversary may be something to think once we get back to normal times of full capacity within venues. Your guests will be still be present then to celebrate a milestone with you.
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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
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    I think it would be fine if you set an end time for the ceremony and give yourself a buffer window for food to be delivered when everyone is gone.

    By the way, if I were you, I would plan for a max of 25 (including your photographer and officiant) as it is very unlikely Toronto will move beyond Red stage. Dr DeVilla has been pretty adamant about keeping Toronto under stricter measures compared to the rest of the province.

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  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia ·
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    I don't think it's rude. I do think you'll need to be clear about an end time for the ceremony guests, and have a buffer in case people linger (so you aren't late to your own dinner). If possible it might help to have a separate dinner and ceremony location if you think people might hang around uninvited for dinner.
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  • Christiana
    Super November 2020 British Columbia
    Christiana ·
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    I totally understand. We got married in November and although we could have made plans for a slightly larger group of people at our original venue we just decided it wasn’t worth the stress and unknowns. Turns out we made a good call because the toughest restrictions so far came into effect in BC like two weeks before our wedding but we had already switched our mindsets and it made it so much less stressful! I hope everything works out for you!
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  • Marie
    Beginner June 2021 Ontario
    Marie ·
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    It's such a relief to hear other couples are thinking along the same lines, thank you for your response. Fingers crossed for the best possible outcomes for our weddings!
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  • Marie
    Beginner June 2021 Ontario
    Marie ·
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    Thank you for your thoughtful response! We really prefer to cut guests down to the 10 of us if needed over stressing like crazy every time covid cases rise or new restrictions come into play, and have to make other arrangements at the last minute (and possibly lose our deposit or catering payments). It's such a relief to hear it wouldn't come across as rude to just invite guests for a ceremony! And a relief to hear guests that would have a problem with it are being selfish! Lol Thank you for the peace of mind in this stressful time!
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  • Marie
    Beginner June 2021 Ontario
    Marie ·
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    Thank you so much for your kind response, it is such a relief to hear this idea isn't totally crazy!! My traditional italian parents feel it's wrong to invite people over without feeding them but fiance and I hoped people would be more understanding than that in these crazy times.
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  • Lorraine
    Beginner July 2021 Alberta
    Lorraine ·
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    Oh it’s not rude for a back yard wedding. That’s what I am doing. Here in Alberta we are not sure either if we can have more than 10 people. So I am only inviting my family and kids which will be 20 of us and that’s it! We have been together for 14 years already so it’s not that big a deal to invite everyone in our family from all over Canada!
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  • Christiana
    Super November 2020 British Columbia
    Christiana ·
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    I think as long as you're okay with cutting down the number of people even further if necessary then this is a great idea. It's just not totally clear what the restrictions will be like in the summer and it's possible gatherings on private property could be restricted to less than 30 people in your area. It seems like staffed venues are the safer bet if you aren't willing to cut back your guest list even further than you already have.

    But I don't think it's rude at all to invite people to the ceremony and not reception given the circumstances. It's safer for everyone to keep the dinner small and you can't feasibly fit everyone in the space. I think most people are understanding of the circumstances and realize that people need to make tough choices. If anyone gives you a hard time about this they're being selfish.

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  • Caitlyn
    Frequent user September 2021 Alberta
    Caitlyn ·
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    That sounds like a fabulous idea! I think adding a nice touch like some champagne is perfect, and you can mingle and catch up with your guests for a bit as well. In these crazy times I feel like most people are super understanding and accommodating, and they will be happy to just witness you exchanging vows!
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