Howdy WW community,
I know there a lot of posts like this, so it is something commonly felt or went through, which is reassuring, but still looking for some objective eyes because I'll admit I am feeling hurt by the most recent interaction....so probably not the best state of mind to look objectively at it or maybe I am missing something some with different experiences could shed some light on.
I asked three people to stand with me and one of them was a good guy friend. He here in the city when I asked him, but moved to Toronto about a year ago now.
At first, we kept in contact fairly regularly. When I started asking anything related to the wedding or messaging him to keep him in the loop about four months ago, he'd either go completely radio silence for days to even to non-wedding conversation topics or go full tilt offended/angry by it....usually finding a way to relate it back to his sexual preference (he's gay) even if it had no connection at all that I can think of. How does asking someone if they'd be more comfortable wearing dress shoes or chucks the day of or letting them know the date of the rehearsal dinner suddenly make me a person whose a horrible enemy to the LGBT community? I am an active ally and have always identified as such and support the idea that the reproductive plumbing has nothing to do with who you love.
I don't ask or send stuff that often anymore relating to the wedding - like one question every few weeks. I do it sparingly because the wedding is getting closer, which is stressful, and I am dealing with some serious personal things right now with going to court to face someone who threatened to kill me (which he is not aware of that at the moment)...I don't want any extra drama until after the court case is done.
The other night, I messaged him to let him know the confirmed date of the bachelorette in case he wanted to come but no pressure if the costs of flights were an issue. He answered by thanking me and letting me know he'd finally got word back about getting the days off for the wedding. Great news, right? It would have been if he hadn't gone into detail about how he thought he wouldn't have been able to because of another wedding that they were prioritizing. He went into detail they only got the invitation two weeks ago for that wedding and clarified he was attending as a guest not part of the wedding party. If it came between the two, he'd have chosen the other one specifically because it was a same-sex marriage. I felt like telling me all that was really unnecessary as he worked out a way to go to both so it was no longer an issue and, frankly, was just plain hurtful to say to someone who picked you to stand with them because they held you as a close friend.
I get supporting all his friends and his community, but it hurt to hear that he'd cancel out on standing in a wedding he's known the date for a year and a half now for one he just got invited to a couple weeks ago as a guest (gender of parties getting married aside).....they aren't even in the same month or date!
Does anyone have suggestions on how to brooch the conversation? Should I bite the bullet and try or wait to see if he mellows out over the next few weeks? I'm afraid if I give him the option to step down he'll loop it into him being gay again and thinking I hate the LGBT community. I'm also wondering if there might be something going on with him that he's not telling me. Thoughts?
