Bridesmaids Dresses crisis

View quoted message 3 of the 4 have been in weddings before. It upsets me because everyone has known for at least the past year if not two, that I've always wanted a winter wedding. It was surprising to say the least that the girls assumed they could wait to get a dress for a winter wedding in what the summer? Sorry. I want my winter wedding to have winter dresses/colours, something that will be long and able to keep them warm if we go outside at the venue for pictures. The MOH and I both agreed on the dress. I had originally tried it on myself to go alternative to the normal wedding dress style/colour but it wasn't something I saw myself wearing on my wedding day, but my MOH loved it and she is gorgeous!! So I knew that since my bridesmaids all look similar to one another that it would look amazing on all of them! So I said I wanted the dresses to be that one. Only the MOH was able to attend, but I did invite all the other girls to each of the appointments, but no one else wanted to attend. And when I went with another BM earlier in the week, I asked her to try on dresses and she absolutely REFUSED to do it. Plus they all knew that I wanted them all to be in the exact same dress.

Hi all!

Just wanted to do a quick update here. I sent all my girls a email as follows, it's really stressing me out that no one has reached out since I sent it. I don't know what my next step should be. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance! *names have been removed*

"FH and I have discussed, in great length, the cost of the dress that I chose for you to wear on our Wedding Day. I feel like ten pounds of crap in a five pound bag of having asked you all to pay so much out of pocket for a dress that 3 of you haven’t seen in person, I acknowledge that the price of the dress is a lot higher than what you we’re likely expecting to pay. What we should have done was come up with a budget on what everyone was equally willing to pay.

As such, we are willing pay off the rest of the dresses for those of you that still owe money on them, and to those of you that don’t, we will credit back to you an equal amount, so that you will all have paid the same amount for the same dress.

However, I would like to discuss this as a group so that everyone can be on the same page. I have gone ahead and made a new Facebook Messenger Group Chat. As well as, an Excel Spreadsheet that you have all been added to and have free range to edit. If there is anything I have missed, please add it in.

On the first Sheet, I have made up a Generalized List of what you're expecting me to cover and what I'm expecting you to cover, if you have any disagreements, please feel free to express those with not only myself but with the other girls as well, so that we can all come to the same consensus. On the second Sheet, I have made up a Budget, I would like you to add your input on what amounts you think are fair and reasonable for each and every one of you going forward.

This is my special day and I want you all to be apart of it, this includes adding your input and pulling me back to reality when I see or say things that I feel would make our Wedding Day even more spectacular."

View quoted message That makes the most sense to do. Thanks for your help! I will talk it over with my FH tonight and see what he says.

Right now, I'm leaning towards paying off the remainder of all the girls dresses and giving my MOH her share back to what the BM's had to put down as their deposits on the dresses. That way everyone paid the exact same amount for the dresses ($308.63)

This is what I am afraid of happening with my BM's. I have only been in one wedding (my sisters and my dad paid for my dress) and I think it was about $300 and that was Australian so that was a damn good price to begin with.

I do not think its fair to you that you gave them the opportunity to come with you to pick our dresses etc and no one wanted to. So I do not blame you on just picking a dress and leaving it up to them to pay for it. That is what happens when you say yes to being in someones wedding party.

I am paying for hair and makeup for all my girls including my flower girl (and buying her dress) to help everyone out, and then they will get a small gift from us.

If you can work something out with them to either pay the rest of the dress, or the alterations, I think that would be nice. It would bother me that they went to the guys and complained instead of being grown women and coming to you to work something out.

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I have had issues getting the girls go to mine as well. If the girl said she didn't think that was a bad price I would bring that up in the group chat saying the one girl didn't think it was bad pricing and then the MOH didn't mind the pricing either.

I would offer to let them have alterations where they want in case it ends up being more than that amount at the store they will be livid with you. I got alterations at the store when in a party and they quoted me $75 and ended up being over $200.

I wouldn't be covering any more expenses but I would ask if the girls could meet and have a talk. I would still give them a gift at the end of the day as well. The longer you leave talking to them the worse the tension will get. I have been dealing with tension the last month and went and visited every girl individually trying to sore some drama out they had between each other.

I would say how you feel with the fact you warned you would pick out a dress and they all didn't care before hand. As they have all been in wedding party's before I would just point out that it might be $50 or more than they expected but still in the normal range. It was just because shipping that you now paid and taxes that it added up to what it was.

View quoted message Only 3 of the 4 girls have been in weddings before. I asked them all if they would like to attend the dress shopping with me and only my MOH confirmed. The other girls didn't seem interested in going since I had said I was going to be picking out the dresses and would base it on how it looked on the girls. On another day when I looked at dresses one of the BM's decided super last second to tag along. I asked her to try on dresses when I had finished shopping for myself and she REFUSED, she would not budge. When she was looking at the dresses she found one that was $380 and said that's not a bad price.

This was going to be an issue whether the girls all agreed on a dress or not. But many of them said that if I liked something that they didn't, it wouldn't matter because they would wear it anyways. Ultimately it's my day, it's my choice. My colours are Teal, Silver and Sparkly Silver, trendy Winter Wedding Colours. All the stores I went to, said they are putting away this seasons dresses at the end of January, that's in a few days. Either way, they would have had to get dresses quickly to get the corresponding colours.

I tried on the dress before my MOH did because I liked it so much that I considered wearing it to my wedding. My MOH said she loved the dress, I asked her to try it on and said I would consider it as a BM dress. It fit her perfectly, it looked amazing on her, and since I knew how it looked on me I went ahead and said yes that's the dress for them to wear. One of my BM's could pass as my sister, if I had one. The other 2 look extremely similar to my MOH with the same body size as myself and my MOH. So I knew the dress would look amazing on everyone. Alterations are going to be done to make them fall nicely and take up the hem. I was quoted on that today at $120.00

I spoke with the store today, I am responsible for shipping of my own wedding dress and the girls are responsible for there's. Minus I covered everyone's.

I'm to the point where I feel I should just offer to cover the rest of their dresses and give my MOH money for hers. I'm in no way able to do that all at once, but I honestly feel like I don't have a choice.

For real?? I went into dress shopping for my bridesmaids thinking that they would be $100-$150 but then one of my own bridesmaids said that she has been in other weddings where she paid more on a dress than her boyfriend payed for his suit!! That means she has spent over $400 on a dress for being in somebody's wedding party!!! I think it is more than reasonable to have your girls pay that amount - but with that being said, maybe a budget should have been discussed before rushing to by the one off the rack in store.

Not much you can do now, so I would say that it's unfortunate but when you accept the role of a bridesmaid or groomsman you should be aware you are signing up to pay out of pocket on most things!

Maybe have a get together wine night with the girls to talk it over and see what they say. Other than that though, at most I would offer to pay for their dresses entirely and call that their gift. Done! Spending a couple hundred on their dresses is a pretty good price for a gift and then because it was a little boo-boo to pick the dress like that without talking about budget first takes care of the other $100

You live and you learn! Now they know for future weddings!

I let my girls pick their own dresses for this reason - They ranged between 180 to 250$, depending on which one my girls picked.

I will say - the two weddings I've been in, our dresses topped out at about 200$. I admit, I'd probably be a bit upset if I suddenly got hit with a 500$ dress, especially if I was only going to wear it once. Plus the cost of alterations on top of it - those could easily be 600-700$ dresses.

I also will say that, if someone offered to 'Chip in on the dresses because they are expensive', covering the 25$ shipping would not be what I expected.

As well, to what your mom said - the giving of gifts to your wedding party is about showing appreciation for what they are doing for you and the help they have given you. I think it's a bit heartless to choose not to do that, regardless of reasons.
I'd talk to your girls - You do not want this sort of tension filling your wedding party.

Wow! I have a similar situation with bm's but i can't even get them to go shopping. Have any of them been in wedding's before? The dresses I picked out were $270. Which is normal in my opinion. It all depends on the designer and style. I thought $300 was the normal go, I do find the dress you picked to be a tad pricey though! However, I have been in wedding parties before and with alterations and taxes spent 500 on a dress.

If they agreed to be in the wedding party and they new your taste, then they should be fine with the costs. Were all the bm's with you on the day the MOH paid and got her dress? Did you pick this dress out prior or did the MOH decide the dress? There might be tension there if the MOH picked it out and then they are told two days after they have to get that dress.

You are giving solutions to help out though! The shipping is a nice touch- I am suprised and would bring it up to the store that they are charging you the shipping instead. They should be covering this!

I would speak to the girls directly though and see if you guys can work something out.