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VIP June 2019 Ontario

Bridesmaid Stress..

Holly, on May 1, 2019 at 21:55 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 11

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I really need to rant about this because just thinking about it and keeping it to myself (and my fiance) isn't helping!
One of my bridesmaids has been giving me trouble for months now. I've mentioned a few times in comments and posts about how she helped all the bridesmaids get their dresses as she works for a bridal shop, that was great for the most part. She gave the MOH a bunch of issues with the dress.. MOH made her dress pick and the bridesmaids gave her the total and MOH made her payment.. 2 weeks later.. AFTER she told me she submitted the order she tells me MOH has to pick a new dress because it's discontinued. So I tell MOH and all her picks the bridesmaid says to me how ugly her picks are and asks if she can pick her dress... Obviously I said no and eventually MOH picked a dress and the order actually went through. Now the dresses have arrived MOH paid her balance and bridesmaid said she would mail the dress to her (MOH lives 8 hours away). Once again it's been 2 weeks and she still hasn't sent the dress and the wedding is in a month. She even told me she did mail it but in our group chat when I told the MOH it should arrive soon she quickly changed it to "I'll be mailing it tomorrow". Now the bridesmaid isn't even answering me when I ask if she has sent it yet. Unfortunately there is more!!
I told the whole wedding party months ago that the rehearsal is set for 6pm the night before the wedding, she agreed and she said it's good because she has a hotel for the night before. So a few weeks ago she mentions how she can't go to my bachelorette because she has a few meetings in London that day and the next morning, again reassures me she will be at the rehearsal which is the day after my bachelorette. She also has my bachelorette date for months and said she booked it off. So yesterday she tells me she won't be at the rehearsal now either because she is going to be in New York.. she said she will try to be there but her flight lands at 4 so she's not sure. So now I have all these different excuses to why she can't be at these two things and idk what's true and what's not. I have caught her in several lies, she has messed me around with everything I've asked of her and she's not participating in anything.. I don't even know why she is a bridesmaid. I don't even know if I want her at the wedding anymore. I am so frustrated with her and it's adding so much unnecessary stress.
I know that's a lot of complaining but I had to..I'm at my breaking point and needed to let it out!

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Becky, on May 3, 2019 at 11:57

VIP September 2019 Ontario
Becky · On May 3, 2019 at 11:57
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This is a safe place to always let out some steam and rant! It sounds like it was much needed and you have been more than nice to this BM. At this point I would call her and ask her what her plans actually are and the rehearsal is maditory its not option so she needs to figure out how she is going to make it.
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VIP May 2019 Ontario
Candace · On May 2, 2019 at 20:03
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It sounds like you have already put up with way more than you should have had to from her. I would just be honest with her about all this extra stress she is causing and if she can’t be honest with you about what’s going on then I would consider asking her to step down. Or try and keep is friendly until the wedding and then see what happens
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Master July 2021 Ontario
Kelsie · On May 2, 2019 at 13:23
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All I can say is “ew”. This makes me so mad.

i saw so much bridesmaid drama in my SIL wedding last fall...it put me off having anyone but my sister in my party.

i feel so awful for you. It’s not hard to show up if you’ve agreed to do so. My best advice, unfortunately, is let it go until after the wedding. You can decide how you do (or don’t) want to carry on with the relationship moving forward.
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Master October 2019 Ontario
Allison · On May 2, 2019 at 12:32
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It's seems really fishy to me that she's in London (I assume you mean Ontario) one day, New York the next, and then in Chatham for your wedding! I'm absolutely cursed with flying (always on the delayed/cancelled flight) so I wouldn't dream of flying a day before a wedding I was in!
I'd honestly call her up and tell her to cut the crap, with the MOH dress and bailing on your bachelorette/rehearsal. She seems like she can just lie her way out of your wedding but I'd try and catch her and let her know she's no longer a bridesmaid - I personally don't think she deserves it anymore, and the friendship is beyond repair.
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Super June 2019 Ontario
Amanda · On May 2, 2019 at 12:23
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I think that's smart.. it's so so sad to lose relationships during the most important time of your life.. but this kind of behaviour just makes me think she isn't happy for you and doesn't have your best interest at heart, and to me - that isn't a friend. I'm struggling with bridesmaids and moms right now and I really think the lack of help and support is an oversight but it's still hurtful. We are doing everything on our own, even paying for our own shower.. We don't expect anyone to do anything, but that's kinda what you sign up for. I was there for both of my girls when they got married, a lot of time and a lot of money so I just feel like it should kind of be repaid.. anyways. it's a very telling and eye opening time and it makes me sad that you never really hear this stuff happening with guys.. it's always girls and it seems so jealous and so malicious
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VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On May 2, 2019 at 12:17
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If she is mad about not being MOH then she's just being silly because she knows she wouldn't be.. all my other bridesmaids including my MOH have been in my life for 10+ years.
I'm definitely going to try and talk to her. I probably need a few days to figure what to say and how to say it without her getting mad or anything. I don't want to lose her as a friend or even a BM but at this point she's not acting like a friend and doesn't deserve to be a BM..
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VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On May 2, 2019 at 12:14
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Yeah I don't understand why weddings bring the worst out in people. I've had issues with my original MOH that lead to me having no choice but to ask her to not be in the wedding party, now she's not even at the wedding! So this bridesmaids knows I've have issues already do idk why she would cause more..
I'm definitely seeing a side I don't like and if she keeps it up then I'm done with her. I'll try to talk to her soon but we'll see if she even answers me..
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VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On May 2, 2019 at 12:11
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I've talked to my sister a bit and she is also kind like wth but she doesn't see the whole picture she's just confused about the bachelorette and why she is suddenly bailing on that.
Idk if she's jealous of not being MOH, idk why she would be because I've known her the least and the others I've know for 10+ years.
I'm definitely going to talk to her, especially if something else comes up!
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Top October 2019 Manitoba
Tori · On May 2, 2019 at 09:41
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That's what I was thinking! Perhaps she is ticked off that she isn't MOH? If not, then I really don't get her deal but it needs to stop.
If I was in your position I would call her up and have a talk (which may take a day or two depending on if she tries avoiding it...) and try and get it sorted out and hear her out from beginning to end. If by the end you aren't satisfied and she hadn't helped much for the wedding... maybe it's best she doesn't worry about the rehearsal because you would like her to come as a guest. It would make it a lot easier not having to rely on her and have her fall through like this.
Before you do let her go as a BM, make sure it's something that you would be willing to have her be pissed about though - I would say to be prepared for her to end the friendship but if she does over something like this then that friendship wouldn't have lasted as much as you hoped it would.
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Super June 2019 Ontario
Amanda · On May 2, 2019 at 09:03
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I feel your pain!!! I'm having some issues too but yours... wow.. This actually just sounds malicious to me. Is she maybe jealous that you asked someone else to be maid of honour?? I don't know.. this kind of behaviour is just so strange to me. Some women can be so catty.. The fact that your wedding is so soon and she was holding onto this girl's dress for no reason... I don't get it. These are hard times and a lot of relationships end or have problems during wedding planner which is SO sad to me.. but you see people's true colours. If you see a side in this person that makes you feel differently about having them in your life then follow that. People who love you are supposed to make this process easier and fun not stressful.
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Super May 2022 Ontario
Erin · On May 1, 2019 at 22:46
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This is crazy, i can't keep it straight so no wonder you are like wth. Have you talked to your other girls to try to get a whole picture, like is she saying anything to them that is questionable. Is she jealous that she is not MOH and that's why the whole dress thing? I don't why she's giving you the run around but just be straight up and ask her if she wants to be part of your wedding and if she says yes then say step up.
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