Bridesmaid not joining in

Ugh that sucks! but just tell her what dress to buy and leave it. i wouldnt be including her in plans then and if she cant come oh well! she obv doesnt seem to care about you

Have the girls pick a dress they like and get her one and if she doesnt like it then she doesnt need to be a bridesmaid and can have a different job

Ugh, Maegan, that sucks. Maybe it's the tough-love side of my personality, but if I were you, I'd just tell FSIL that the appointment is in 2 weeks and if she's not there then the dress might get picked without her and that's it. If she doesn't like the dress, it's not your problem at this point since you're given her every opportunity to participate in the selection of the dress.

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So much this. ^^^

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Hiya Maegan
I'm going through the comments after making mine. I think you have a hold on this.

Michelle

What a predicament you're in! I'm so sorry this is even a situation. Is she blind or just completely self-centered? Sorry.

Rock and a hard spot. As far as your FSIL there really isn't much you can do about her behaviour. She may never even own it in the future. From what you say it sounds to me that she's not really interested in doing the leg work before the ceremony, but I don't know her either. Sad really, as it's a great thing to solidify the new family relationship. Anyway, have you talked to your Fiance? Maybe he is completely unaware of this issue?

As for their Mom. She has absolutely zero business sticking her nose in where it doesn't belong (which may be why daughter behaves inappropriately). However, having said that, there has been a historial commonality that sometimes parents of people getting married can be troublesome. lol Please remember that this is your wedding, and not hers. You can be grateful for the "helpful" suggestions and guidance and take it under advisement, but you and your Fiance are the ones to make these decisions.

Back to FSIL. I would have to say that at this point there really isn't anything you can do to make her change, nor an you change what's already past. FSIL is manipulating you no matter how subconsciously or consciously she is doing it.

I would go forward for now, and do exactly what she asks. Take her words for face value. May I suggest that you and your your 3 cooperative ladies go and choose their dresses and instruct FSIL as to when her fitting is. At this point she has distanced herself from the whole process and pretty much given you carte blanche, whether she thinks so or not. You have her words via text to prove this.

Move through it, breathe and enjoy yourself with your other Bridesmaids. Do not let her have your power as you and Fiance are the final and ultimate decision makers.

Now please please go enjoy yourself.

Well you've lasted longer than I would..... At this point I would have your FH have a talking to his sister almost as if to say "You are going. You will be there." I mean, if you feel comfortable enough then I would say that you can tell her this, but make sure you have your FH's backing before doing so.

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Its hard to deal with any of the bridesmaids when you feel like conflict will arise! I am not good with conflict. I would let the girls who are there pick the neck lines they want and since she wasn't there to choose she gets remaining.

View quoted message Thanks so much for the input! I agree I'm not handling this the best - I was not expecting this from her. I have told her I will be picking the dresses with or without her there thats when she asked that I atleast take her mom.
Anyways: I want all the girls in the same colour and general same dress but different necklines. Should I just let the girls there pick the necklines they want and give her the remaining ones for that dress as what she can choose from?

You are being wayyy to nice! if everyone likes the dress that day you go, then everyone can buy it and tell her she needs to go in and get measurements and pay for it- there will be no choice in the dress if she isn't there. This will make her actually try to come.

At this point, you've been BEYOND accommodating.
If you all like the dress, I would just give her the info and that she has until 'x date' to order it. If she complains about not liking it, that's just too bad. I would probably even go as far as ordering it for her and tell her how much she owes me (if you're not paying!), but that's totally up to you hahaha.

You can't keep postponing getting those dresses because she keep backing out at the last minute.

Sure, she's family, but that doesn't mean she gets a free ride!

That is definitely frustrating! Especially like you said, it's your FSIL so you can't just kick her out. I agree with Casey and if the remaining bridesmaids and you like the dress, to just buy it and tell your FSIL that this is the dress, please go and order it ASAP.

It seems like you're settled on the idea of all your bridesmaids wearing the same dress, but you could still use the same colour/designer but then the girls can choose a dress they like and then it doesn't matter if the FSIL isn't there to approve a dress. I'm surprised since she's getting married that she isn't more sympathetic to your dress schedule.

Very sorry to hear that you have to deal with this. I find that weddings bring out some peoples true colours lol. It makes it even harder that it is your FSIL, and you can't just "kick her out" of the bridal party.

My 3 bridesmaids are all my FSIL, so in the beginning no one really said anything about dresses. I basically just booked an appointment and told them they all had to be there. They all picked their own dress and were able to look at prices and pick what they wanted.

The best advice I can give, is just let her know that she needs to make the appointment if she wants an opinion on the dress. If not, go with the dress that your other BM's like and just tell her she needs to go in to try it on for size. It is not fair to keep holding up everyone else ordering their dress because your FSIL is super busy. Yes it is busy the couple months before the wedding, but I am sure she can spare an hour or two to come with you guys to pick a dress!