Bridesmaid drama - Needed to vent

Oh no!!! i hate when people bail!! tell your friend its important to you and that she make sure that she comes so she can be aware of all the detail and dates made and things can be scheduled with her dates shes free.

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I never even thought of that, that would work extremely well. Thanks for the idea!

View quoted message I have a "schedule conflict calendar" set up for a bachelorette party winery trip. We set it up so 1 person put in the dates that don't work for them and send it to the next who repeats and sends it to the third etc. It worked pretty well, we elimated July really quick!

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Thank you!! You pretty well explained the reason I was frustrated. I mean I completely understand that everyone needs some time away..I am guilty of the same thing. But I don't expect much as my FH and I have pretty well planned everything ourselves. All I had asked for was an hour of time just to come to an agreement of what weekends worked for the bridal shower because I want to make sure it's not over anyone's holidays (which I told everyone about) and to try on their robes to ensure that they fit. I think I was more frustrated with the fact that the other bridesmaid is a mom of three and ready to pop with her fourth and finding time that she is available is harder.. this is also another reason why I don't want to do things like Skype because her kids are young still and makes it hard to have a conversation.

I agree with Amelia about being more specific about what you need help with.
Just to play devil's advocate: I don't think it's necessary to get everyone together to have meetings about what needs to be done. Can the information be discussed via phone, text, skype, etc. instead? I know weekends are precious for people who work full-time and I wouldn't ask my girls to get together just to plan what needs to be done next.

I think it makes more sense to say "Hey, i really need help with (enter task here i.e. labelling and mailing invitations), are you available on ___ to come over and help me with this?" Rather than asking the wedding party to come over to talk about what needs to be done. She may not understand why she is needed if there isn't an actual task being completed this weekend.
Just a thought from the other side!

I really think people don't appreciate or realize the amount of stress and planning getting married entails. If your bridesmaid really needs some time away I would let her have it but also ask that she carve out some time to help you and your MOH with a few things. Even saying something like "I'd love to get away for the weekend but there's so much to do, when you get back can you help me and moh with X?" might get your point accross.
I would be clear about what you need help with (centerpieces or shower planning for example) and how long you think you'll need her for so that she can understand the amount of commitment you need for that task. I can remember being asked to help with "wedding stuff" but the bride wasn't clear on what she needed any time we asked, now I make sure I'm very clear about what I'm asking friends to help with.

I agree that it might be frustrating and the need to vent, but being in weddings while I've been living out of province, and being in friends in other provinces (been a bridesmaid 3 times so far) I don't think I've ever been in a situation where everyone was in the same room, let alone for my own wedding. She likely doesn't realize how much this means to you, and how much your MOH needs her help. I would have a conversation with her, and realize that she likely doesn't realize that this is hurting you or that her actions are causing you to be upset. In the weddings I have been in I would have likely done the same thing as her, and trusted that my friends would be honest with me if there was a problem with it and I would adapt accordingly. You even said that "my one bridesmaid asked if it was important that she be there" - she asked you if it was important that she be there and told you the reason why she wanted to not. It's up to you to tell her that it is and not be frustrated with her for asking you if it is okay. I get that she is a bridesmaid - but personally I haven't asked my girls for anything other than their opinions on some things and I'm getting married in their province while living in one 3 over with a young daughter. Perhaps I'm lucky with my friends but in past wedding's I've been in (including being a MOH and a bridesmaid in a month) we planned the showers and bachelorettes together over skype and that's been it. I always trusted that if they needed more from me they would ask and they have, as I would if I really needed them.

If it was just a BM and you had a MOH that was able to figure things out - as much as it would be rude and upsetting I would say to just tell her that it comes off as her ditching you for a better time. Seeing as how it's only your daughter who is your MOH, I would straight up tell her that you would really appreciate it if she could move things around seeing as how she is your only BM and you really need her to be there. I would have no problem saying that as much as you understand she wants a get-away, you need her with you for this.

Looking from the outside in she might genuinly not understand that to get everybody together is a task and a half. From her point it's better to ask and maaaaybe get a go-ahead vs. not asking at all.

Well having a single BM has its ups and downs. Let her know that it is important to be there by any means. She wants to bail, she doesn't gwt to be part of the planning due to her plans and not understanding this is for you.
Its sad when someone or another does this because they want their life to come first and not think of others. Support comes to those who need it and for those that want it, don't get it due to others neglectance.