Bridal shower etiquette

Generally, you can only invite the wedding guests to the wedding activities (ie shower, stag, engagement party, etc). However, I think if it's a small wedding (like what you're having), then you can also do a bridal shower with other people.

View quoted message Thanks for the advice! That’s some great perspective. I just want to celebrate with everyone without offending anyone. Pretty much everyone we know, knows we are having a small wedding.

View quoted message That’s a great idea! Thanks for the advice! I like the idea of something like a Pampered Chef party, it’s a unique idea.

We did a wedding shower/engagement party and kept it to invitees only. However, my grandmothers are both adamant on throwing bridal showers and are extending invites to their friends and more distant relatives who are not invited to the wedding. This way, we can let them have their fun and invite lots of people (they’re paying for the showers) and keep our guest list smaller. One of the showers is a pampered chef party! Also gifts aren’t mandatory or expected at these.

I have been invited to a shower but not the wedding before. On one hand, it’s nice to get to celebrate with them. On the other, I was a little hurt I wasn’t invited to the wedding.
I think if people know beforehand that it’s a small wedding but you still want to celebrate in some way with them it’s not as bad.

This is what we're doing - we are in the same boat.. there is some family we aren't even inviting because we are keeping it small.. SO our bridal party wants to throw us a shower and I will enclose this note in the invites that are going to the people who aren't invited to the shower.

We made the difficult choice to keep our wedding pretty intimate, and unfortunately that means there are a lot of friends and family who won't be there on our wedding day. I hope you can understand that it's nothing personal, and respect our wishes to keep our sacred event small.

There are so many people we would love to have been able to invite to our big day and our bridal party has decided to throw us a bridal brunch and would like to extend that invitation to people they know will be missed. It’s kind of like a pre wedding reception. Please don’t be offended by this invite as we are aware etiquette says only wedding guests should be invited, however there are many people we would love to celebrate with during this exciting time.We would love to see you there but completely understand if you cannot attend.

Much love from the brides
It's up to people if they wish to decline but we still wanted to put it out there as there genuinely are people we want to see and celebrate with but don't want a big wedding. It's a hard balance.

A bit similar for me! Not a small wedding but we kind of over invited so we decided to not invite anyone from our new jobs! This was a bit disappointing as I work with a few girls now who I've become friends with and we hang out for lunches and even go out after work! So for my shower I invited them! They knew I couldn't invite more to the wedding but they were happy to get to celebrate even a little bit! I also told them NO GIFTS as it was just a friendly invite to the shower and since they cannot be invited to the wedding I didn't want them to think they needed to give gifts at all!

View quoted message The idea of a wedding shower over a bridal shower is a great idea I had never thought of. Thanks for the great advice!

First off Congratulations on the engagement!

I would agree with Tori about the etiquette thing, yet also agree with her point about your wedding being so small people might just wanna come and celebrate. Consider maybe doing a wedding shower instead of just bridal shower so it can be co-ed. It would be sort-of an informal wedding celebration for s few guest extra you aren’t inviting to the wedding. If you feel weird about it, tell them gifts are optional so to ease your guilt about it a little.

View quoted message Thank you!

I agree with Tori that as per etiquette, you shouldn’t invite people to your bridal shower who isn’t invited to your wedding.

But congratulations!

View quoted message Thank you for the advice! The idea of a bridal shower does sound nice, I think an intimate day might be more my speed rather than anything big or extravagant. But yes, I don’t want anyone to get upset about not being invited to the wedding so maybe I’ll stay away from inviting anyone else to the shower. Thanks again!

View quoted message Thank you for the advice! I think that’s a great idea to ask around to some closer friends who aren’t invited to see if they would want to spend a day together to celebrate.

Etiquette would say that you aren't to invite people to the shower if they weren't invited to the wedding - but with you small number for the wedding, most people may be looking to celebrate with you in any way you can let them.

For sure ask some people that would be invited that aren't going to be invited to the wedding to see what they think.

P.S. Congrats on the engagement!

It's up to you! Is a bridal shower something you want? If not, don't worry about it if it'll be too complicated to plan given how many people live out of town. (But if you decide to go for it, an intimate bridal shower sounds perfect so that you can spend quality time together and plan something fun).

I'd stay away from inviting anyone to your bridal shower that you don't intend to invite to your wedding as they may expect a wedding invitation as a result.