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Jennifer
Frequent user January 2022 Ontario

Bridal party or not to bridal party

Jennifer, on July 5, 2018 at 19:49 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 25
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This question has been stressing me out for ages!! Long story short, my FH and I were some wild people in our younger days and had to cut off from each of our friend groups in order to get clean. This was around the time we met each other 10 years ago. So now we basically have no friends. What do I do for a bridal party? And is it absolutely necessary to have one? Can I just not have one? And if I choose not to have one, how will that impact the events of the day and other things.

I only have one best girlfriend who left the group and got clean as well. And his only childhood friend he still keeps in touch with has crippling social anxiety and will likely be unable to attend the wedding let alone be up there in front of people. We have no options really, anyone we ask would be distant friends/cousins (no siblings) who we're not that close to. The only people we interact with regularly are our employees but I don't feel like it's a 'friend' relationship, he's their boss.

I feel like it would be weird and/or sad to ask people who we're not that close to. Like it would be totally unexpected and frankly quite a bit of responsibility to ask of someone. But won't it also be sad and pathetic to have no bridal party at all up there? Even if I have my one girlfriend as my MOH he would still have to ask someone he isn't close with to play a big role. I feel like such a loser saying all this but honestly it's one of the main reasons I've delayed having a wedding and a huge source of stress!!

25 Comments

Latest activity by Bianca, on July 10, 2018 at 00:09
  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
    • Dispute

    Just don't have a bridal party. We're not planning to do more than just a MOH and best man because picking people is too difficult.

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  • Phaidra
    Frequent user October 2019 Alberta
    Phaidra ·
    • Dispute

    I totally understand this. My thoughts are, this is YOUR day. You don't have to do anything, you get to make this about you and your fiance. All you need are witnesses to sign your marriage certificate. If you /want/ to have a MOH or bridesmaids, what about family?

    I'm sure your day will be killer, no matter who is standing up there beside you. Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • Amber
    Curious September 2019 Ontario
    Amber ·
    • Dispute

    First of all, you are absolutely not pathetic. It takes a lot of strength to change your lifestyle the way you described, and better your life. It is hard to make the decision to distance yourself from friends/ family even when you know it is the right thing to do for yourself!! So be proud!!

    There are lots of reasons why a couple would choose not to have a wedding party. Some good friends of mine are about to get married in September, and they've decided not to have one. They've both got lots of siblings/ people that would have made sense to ask, but decided they wanted their day to be centred around their partnership together. We'll all be right there with them as guests, sharing in the joy and love that day, and nobody thinks it's weird that they won't have anyone in their bridal party--it was just what they wanted!

    There is also nothing wrong with including your friend as MOH, and not having someone on your FH's side if that feels right. I have only one close friend and my FH has an entire huge group of guys he's always been tight with. We'll just be mismatched - I'm an introvert haha!

    I think you should do what you feel suits you and your FH as a couple. It sounds like you guys are a strong partnership, and there is nothing wrong with having your people come to celebrate that without standing up at the front with you.

    Wishing all best for your wedding day!

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  • Leanne
    Expert September 2018 Ontario
    Leanne ·
    • Dispute

    There is nothing wrong with not having a bridal party! I personally do not think it would be worth it to ask people to be a part of your wedding, just for the sake of having people standing up there with you.

    In terms of it effecting other events, it may mean that you and your FH will have to do more on your own. It also depends on what pre-wedding events you plan on having (bridal shower, stag & doe, bachelorette/bachelor party, etc). If you want to have any of these events, it just means that you will most likely be planning them yourself.

    Realistically the only thing our best man is responsible for is planning the bachelor party and the rest of the groomsmen are just there for moral support.

    I have turned to my bridesmaids a few times, just for their opinions, but these discussions are also great for that! My bridesmaids also all helped in planning my bridal shower and bachelorette, but like I said, it depends if you plan on having them and if you do, you can plan these yourself if you wanted to.

    In terms of the day of your wedding, you will just need to make sure that you have someone to sign as your witness on your marriage license.

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  • Valérie
    VIP September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·
    • Dispute

    It's not necessary to have a bridal party. We've decided to go without, because 95% of our friends/family live in a different province and it would be a logistical mess. Instead of a full on bridal party, we've decided to enlist our best friends as witnesses for the ceremony.

    Not having a bridal party doesn't mean that you won't have any help with the wedding. We've been super lucky with having a lot of support from our friends/family with them wanting to help in any way they can! Even my FSIL has offered to organize my bachelorette party because she's super excited about the trip (we're doing a weekend in Palm Springs).

    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    You're correct! You don't have to have a wedding party at all and whoever you choose as your witnesses don't have to stand up with you/be in the party - they can just come up and sign the license when the time comes.

    Also HUGE congratz on getting clean Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Newbie June 2020 Ontario
    Michelle ·
    • Dispute
    WHAT is going on! This app posted my response to the wrong questionin the forum AGAIN! Sorry!
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Newbie June 2020 Ontario
    Michelle ·
    • Dispute
    I think that as long as your dogs are well-behaved (will be more difficult with the younger dog!) then it is fine.
    They should be not be barking, jumping up on people, or pulling on the leash to the point where they are strangling themselves or straining the bridemaid’s or groomsmen’s arm. It may help if you hire a dogwalker to take them out for a long walk (40-60min) while you are getting ready for the wedding.
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
    • Dispute

    First, I would like to congratulate you both on getting clean. Well done!!!

    I think it is totally fine not to have a wedding party. I don't really think it will impact things too much in the way of how things roll for the day. I agree that it would be odd to ask someone to stand with you just to have a wedding party.

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  • Jennifer
    Frequent user January 2022 Ontario
    Jennifer ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    Thanks!! Unfortunately parents is out, his father passed away recently and his mother is dying of advanced lung cancer and will not be around by the time the wedding happens. Even if she is, she struggles with addiction herself and I wouldn't want her involved in such an integral part of the day. My relationship with my mom is strained, I don't want her too involved, I have no siblings and he's not close with his at all. I think no bridal party is best and we can have my one friend and her husband sign as witnesses. I believe they can do this but don't have to stand up there with us or do the MOH/BM thing. Or there's the option of doing the paperwork part at city hall and just doing vows in front of everyone, no witnesses necessary.
    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
    • Dispute

    Also meant to add! I understand your worry about the lack of bridal party but honestly you both coming clean is a HUGE thing! And much better than dragging along with any negative influences in your lives!

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  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
    • Dispute

    Do you both still have both parents in your lives?
    Maybe you could have the 2 moms on your side and 2 dads on his?

    You absolutely do not need a bridal party at all if that's what works for you! It's your day and all about you that's what really matters!

    All you really need is someone who can sign the marriage certificate as a witness!

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Frequent user January 2022 Ontario
    Jennifer ·
    • Dispute
    Thanks for all the helpful answers. I'm going to skip the bridal party and just do the 2 of us. Less mess, less stress is my motto for this wedding.

    I'm so happy I found this resource with all you wonderful ladies!! Now I can finally get answers to all my wedding questions. You guys are awesome Smiley laugh Smiley laugh
    • Reply
  • Jessica
    Super March 2018 Ontario
    Jessica ·
    • Dispute

    One of my close friends chose not to have a wedding party, mostly because she wanted to avoid any drama that came with some of her friends, but also because it was too expensive. The only thing to consider is who will be your witnesses at your wedding (parents or close family members?) in order to sign the registry. Otherwise, it's totally fine and I think quite romantic, since you'll have more time for pictures and time with just the two of you.

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
    • Dispute

    I think that it is totally okay to not have wedding party! If my FH didn't have so many friends then I would have loved to have kept our wedding party as small as possible (he is wanting all 6 of his friends).

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  • Tyanna
    Super June 2019 British Columbia
    Tyanna ·
    • Dispute
    As long as you each have a witness you will be fine! Can you use your parents?
    • Reply
  • Cindy
    Devoted July 2019 Ontario
    Cindy ·
    • Dispute
    I think you can definitely get married without a wedding party. Many people often regret having a wedding party. They say to choose wisely, if it's causing you stress then it may just lead to more later on.
    • Reply
  • Amber
    Devoted September 2018 Alberta
    Amber ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    A witness will be the person who signs your marriage license. You will need two people to sign, just stating that they seen the two of you get married! Your witness can be anyone ,as long as they are over the age of 18.

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute
    Witnesses are 2 family members to sign the marriage license when the officiant or priest asks for signatures at the time of the wedding.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Frequent user January 2022 Ontario
    Jennifer ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    Thanks for the kind words. I'm happy to hear it can be done without but what's this witness thing? Sorry I'm totally new to planning and still learning.
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Frequent user July 2020 Nova Scotia
    Sarah ·
    • Dispute
    If the wedding party, and having to choose a wedding party will only stress you out, then just don’t have one. It’s definitely not necessary and I’ve been to a handful without bridal parties, and it was still just as great!
    • Reply
  • Natalie
    Frequent user August 2019 Ontario
    Natalie ·
    • Dispute
    This is the exact plot of “I Love You, Man” Smiley laugh Give it a watch and at least he’ll know he’s not alone.

    Have just the MOH if you want and don’t worry about him having no one. It’s your wedding day. Or ask the employee/distant relative he’s closest too. If you guys really don’t have that many friends, this might be a good opportunity to open the door to new ones. Personally I’ve been with my fiancé for twelve years and I couldn’t imagine us lasting this long if I didn’t have a good friend to vent about him to! I know he feels the same! I have no idea how you guys have done it for ten Smiley surprise

    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute
    A wedding party isn't needed of you feel that stress may add that extra pressure.

    As we did, just each side had a MOH and BM (Best Man). It was nice, simple and easy.

    Best choice is to know someone whom your close to if your going to ask them.
    • Reply
  • Sonia
    Frequent user May 2019 Quebec
    Sonia ·
    • Dispute
    Definitely don’t worry about. I’m the one who cut out all my friends. So we’re not doing bridesmaids and ushers but we will have a MOH and best man. Who are my future husbands sister and brother in law. We get a long with them pretty well. Other than that we are having a bunch of kids as our ring bearer and flower girls.

    Do not feel any obligation to do something you you’re not comfortable with. This is you and your future husbands day. You do what you want Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • S
    Frequent user October 2019 Ontario
    Sarah ·
    • Dispute
    Don’t feel like a loser!
    Im in the same boat with our bridal party. My fiancé doesn’t have close friends. He worked the night shift for 2 years and sacrificed friendships because of it. We are looking at just putting family my sister his two sisters cousins and brother in law. But we are only including them because we feel obligated.

    It is a bit easier when you have someone to hold stuff when you are saying your vows but if you don’t have anyone you really want up there then don’t stress about it. I went to a wedding without a bridal party. It is different but not weird. Who will be your witness when signing? That might be something to consider.

    I feel your stress but make it so that you are comfortable and not feeling obligated to have someone
    • Reply

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