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Lisa
Curious June 2023 Alberta

Balancing a First and Second Marriage

Lisa, on May 28, 2021 at 14:38 Posted in Plan a wedding 1 7
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I'm planning a wedding which will (hopefully!!) be my first/only, however my SO has been married once before in the past 10 years.

This will likely be the only opportunity for my parents to see one of their children get married (my brother is fairly non-traditional) and the majority of my guests/bridal party will be travelling from out-of-province to attend.

I want to have a wedding that encapsulates most of the traditional aspects in a semi-laid back kind of way (I'm not about all the bells & whistles, and our budget is pretty tight). I definitely want to make the trip worthwhile for my friends & family that will be traveling here, so I'm not really interested in something like a ceremony in the park followed by dinner at a restaurant.

I'm struggling between finding the balance between his 2nd marriage and my first without throwing all tradition out the window (ceremony followed by reception and an all-night rager!), especially since he doesn't seem to be too keen on dropping a ton of $$ for another wedding. (And to be honest, I'm not keen on overspending either.)

Any tips/advice from those who have walked this path before?

7 Comments

Latest activity by Celine, on June 4, 2021 at 04:37
  • Celine
    Frequent user October 2022 Quebec
    Celine
    • Dispute
    My FH has been married before and this is my first time. He knows that it was important to me to incorporate certain Filipino traditions into our wedding. So I basically have carte blanche for the whole thing. The only thing he requested is we don鈥檛 go into debt for a wedding and open bar at the reception, he just wants me to be happy 馃槉
    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod
    • Dispute
    Your fianc茅 has had the experience for what was done his 1st time. You can make the day as you wish to your specifications and budget wise. He will be okay with what is being done as long as its the joy from you to make your dreams come true. I know a co-worker who got married to her fianc茅 (3rd marriage) and his attitude isn't the greatest as it has changed for the worse throughout his marriages and way of not being a great father to their kids (not technically his). Celebrate in the style you find fitting true to yourselves.
    • Reply
  • Christiana
    Super November 2020 British Columbia
    Christiana
    • Dispute

    I personally don't think a previous marriage should make a difference in what people decide to do for their weddings, unless it's something they genuinely want or don't want.

    Your wedding is about you and your partner. It has nothing to do with any ex-partners. If there are certain traditions you both want to include then include them. If there are others you'd rather not do for whatever reason then don't do them.

    People get too caught up in what a wedding is supposed to look like and don't stop to think about what they really want. At the end of the day even budget weddings are a lot of money and you should be happy with whatever you decide to do. Try not to overthink it or stress about what people say you should be doing. Sit down with your partner and discuss what's most important to both of you for your wedding and then go from there.

    I also don't think anyone is going to feel like they're making a trip and not getting a lot out of it. Your friends and family will attend your wedding because they want to support you and your marriage. The trip will be worthwhile for them if they get to see you be married and can celebrate with you.

    Best of luck! Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Rayanne
    Featured June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne
    • Dispute
    I've been married before bit didn't have the big party. My FH has not been married. We are doing a traditional wedding. Hall, ceremony, dinner and dance. It doesn't matter if you've been married before you can do what you want....
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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Funny how your fiance doesn't want to spend money on a wedding but is the one inviting everyone lol.

    The going out of the city idea is more just for the sake of entertaining family. If you're staying in the city, you can always bring them to a more upscale bar and do a post-dinner karaoke night.

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  • Lisa
    Curious June 2023 Alberta
    Lisa
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Ideally, I want 50 or less. But he seems to think we'll end up closer to double that.
    I have no problems slashing my guest list - I only have 7 people who are on my MUST INVITE list (not including plus-ones).

    I'm haven't considered hosting outside of our resident city due to travel and additional expenses, but I suppose it can't hurt to look into it a little bit.

    We're definitely a laid-back type of couple - we would honestly get married at my favourite karaoke dive bar LOL! But I don't see the point of having a dozen people spend $$ to fly here and stay in a hotel to go to our local watering hole. Hence why there are some 'traditions' I'm trying to uphold.

    • Reply
  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank
    • Dispute

    How big of a party are you looking for? If it's 20 or under, consider a wedding in a mountain town like Banff and make it a vacation thing. Great for making it an experience for family without feeling like you're overspending for a wedding. Even some of the fancier meals at the tourist hot spots costs around the same as banquet hall chicken dinners at a wedding.

    Most bars/restaurants/hotels there can accommodate a small wedding ceremony. Let your family choose their own hotel so they can splurge if they want or go budget if they need. And it doesn't matter which one they go to since the town is so small, everyone can go wherever you need them to go for the wedding.

    Rent a suite for the night of your wedding and have your family come back and hang with you there so you don't have to pay a ton for an open bar.

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