Skip to main content
Allison
Master October 2019 Ontario

b list with Declines

Allison, on September 4, 2019 at 14:27 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 29
Saved
Reply

I feel like a make a discussion every-other day talking about the guest list lol!

Anyways, I posted a few days ago about my dad inviting his cousins. I told him that he could invite them but that would be the end of modifying the guest list. However, he asked what my confirmed numbers were the other day and I told him (at the time) it was 104, waiting on 22 people so we could have stay at 104 or go up to 126. As of today, we have 106 and 18 pending, so our max total now could be 124 if all the other guests RSVP yes.

You know where I'm going with this. Realistically, probably 9 of 18 will be a yes so we're probably going to get 115 which is a decent enough list for me. My parents mentioned inviting older friends of theirs since we'd now have room (there'd only be 3-5). Our initial target was 120 so we are current under that number, but FH and are okay with being under, plus these guests are acquaintances at most to me.

My FH mentioned if we have room, he'd like to invite some coworkers and old high school friends (4 in total) I'm more open to this since they'd be more our age and my FH knows them very well so he knows they'd be fun.

I have a friend from elementary (grade 7) that wasn't on the original list because our moms had a falling out and my mom is a little sore about it. I wouldn't invite her mom, but I'm thinking I'd like to invite her and give her a guest. I figured since everyone else has B List suggestions, I should be able to throw mine in too.

Now I'm trying to figure out if we should invite all B List guests all at once, or start with FH and I's and if they are no's, then let my parents invite theirs? It's also super-last minute so I'm wondering if it's worth it as well. I feel like I'm being a bit of a bridezilla about my parents adding their guests, even though it'd cost them less with fewer people. We also could have all 18 pending RSVP yes lol.

29 Comments

Latest activity by Allison, on September 16, 2019 at 09:57
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    I reached out to my and my FH's b-list and people had other plans/couldn't otherwise make it. I told my parents that I'm happy with our guest list numbers as is, and we did our seating chart this week, so there's no room to add anyone else now.

    • Reply
  • Emily
    Expert September 2020 Ontario
    Emily
    • Dispute
    I would start with FH & your guests first, then the others! He already got to add extra people so now it鈥檚 your turn 馃榿馃挄馃檹
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Currently, we have 118 confirmed, which is really close to our targeted 120. I had a conversation with my parents stating that FH and I were comfortable with that amount of people, and would rather not invite anyone else (we haven't invited any of our b list friends).

    • Reply
  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley
    • Dispute

    I wouldnt invite my parents friends to my wedding... thats just me. i also would just be under your budget and not invite people i dont overly talk too. if i havent spoken to someone the year before my wedding im not going to invite people for the sake of inviting people especially since my FH and i are paying for our wedding ourselves. you could also contact the 18 ppl and ask them if theyre coming they could all end up coming? but either way i would save the money on b list people and use that towards a honeymoon or other wedding expenses.

    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    That's probably what I'll end up doing. If I have kids and they get married, I swear I won't do this to them!

    • Reply
  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky
    • Dispute

    I would say invite your friends first and if all say no then your parents can invite theirs. You def want to party with people you know and have fun not with people you hardly no. I understand their want in inviting their friends- had similar thing with my parents.

    • Reply
  • Katelyn
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Katelyn
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    Fingers crossed!
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Same! I'm hoping it'll be relatively painless Smiley laugh

    • Reply
  • Katelyn
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Katelyn
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    Yeah fair. Dont worry too much because like you said most people will move around after the meal. I would hope most people will be up for most of the night, mingling/dancing ect.
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    I thought about this, but we are doing a sit down dinner and venue will need to know where to send dietary plates. Also, they only have to be at the table for dinner/speeches. They can move around throughout the night!

    • Reply
  • Katelyn
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Katelyn
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    I feel that way too. I completely skipped the seating chart because I knew it was going to be horrible! It's a pick your own seat situation at our wedding (no sit down dinner so its fine) although I may just reserve the close tables for our parents and bridal party. Dunno yet.
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    This is definitely the biggest stressor right now, that and the seating chart! Sometimes I wish he kept it small, paid ourselves and/or eloped.

    • Reply
  • Katelyn
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Katelyn
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    Good luck! Hopefully it gets sorted.
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Yeah, I'll try and have a convo at some point saying FH and I are happy with the current guest count and would rather not add anymore.

    • Reply
  • Katelyn
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Katelyn
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    Oh that's also fair. Maybe explain that you are feeling overwhelmed already with the guest count. They should understand. And if they don't let them be it's their wallet Smiley xd
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    As much as I would love to, they are paying so I feel a little more hesitant to bar them from adding more.

    • Reply
  • Katelyn
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Katelyn
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    Yeah I would just say tough luck we aren't inviting anyone else. Like it's your wedding and they didn't tell you sooner.
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    My thoughts exactly! I would "know" these people - but I haven't seen them since I was little. I also already have people who I don't really know since my parents had a list of invites at the start.

    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    I'd rather not have strangers (to us) at our wedding, but if my parents really want to pay, then I shouldn't stop them.

    • Reply
  • Katelyn
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Katelyn
    • Dispute
    I would say invite your people if you want but why invite people that you don't even know? Although I can't say anything because there are 2 people coming that my oma asked me to invite. I've never even met them but the wife did make all the bows for our ceremony chairs so like okay fine. But keep in mind you also want to tell the venue a few more people than you actually have because of unexpected plus ones ect. We have 97 confirmed but I'm telling the venue 105 just in case. And we will take home leftover food after so it's fine for us. Just do what you want to dont let family pressure you, because they totally will.
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Yeah, that's my current plan.

    • Reply
  • Rachael
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Rachael
    • Dispute

    Start with yours and go from there! There's no harm in having less guests than you anticipated. Like you said, it'll save your parents money. However, if they'd prefer to invite others to fill that gap and you and your fianc茅's B List guests don't work out, let your parents invite who they want to if they don't care about the cost of doing so since they're paying for it.

    • Reply
  • Taylor
    Devoted October 2021 Alberta
    Taylor
    • Dispute

    Wait for the rsvps then do your friends. if they say no then your parents

    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    People should鈥檝e gotten their invitations mid July - they are also on my side and I know they will 鈥渇orget鈥 to send in RSVPs.
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    I agree with the must know the b list people. The people my parents want to add - I haven鈥檛 seen since I was little and don鈥檛 know all that well.
    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod Online
    • Dispute

    B list guests should be your friends and FH first to send out since you want to have people your age. Your parents can wait for their friends to be invited since you may not know them well.

    The pending RSVPs will still answer unless they aren't home or away.

    • Reply
  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey
    • Dispute
    I think starting with the people your age would be the best way to go and then add from there. We are in the same situation with our b list right now so just kinda pretending like the mail messed up if they say anything about it being later than they expected!
    I just have to remind my FH no 鈥渞andoms鈥 just because we have room. They should still be people we know and are close to
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Yeah, at this point whoever we ask will definitely know they were B List. I know some people understand/don't care but others would be offended they weren't thought of earlier.

    • Reply
  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori
    • Dispute

    I would start with you and your FH's and go from there. It is getting closer to the wedding though so... idk about you but anybody that I invite last minute now would get a call from me pretending that I was waiting on their RSVP and then be like "what?? you didn't get it?? must have got lost in the mail!"... Smiley smile

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
ReCaptcha Verification failed. Please try again.

Related articles

Groups

WeddingWire Article Topics