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Alyx
Featured September 2022 Alberta

Awkward guest situation… help 😭

Alyx, on May 29, 2022 at 01:16 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 21
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We are now at the point of getting rsvps from our guests! So far it hasn’t been too bad! Simple questions from people which is fine!
But tonight I got a rsvp from my cousin (4th cousin) asking if she could bring her one year old. Her words were “ Can’t wait!!! Is the little man allowed to rage along before the parents let loose?”

This is so awkward.. my family all know we are only having a few kids that are immediate family and they are in our wedding ceremony. Also my cousins sister messaged a few days ago and told me they were having a hard time looking for a babysitter. My son won’t even be at my reception like it’s just a preference we want. We have told our very best friends in our wedding party that we are only doing immediate family and they completely understood. So imagine if I tell one person yes your child can come (he’s 1). I just don’t feel like it’s fair to everyone else that I let her son come. I wanted our ceremony to be baby/kid free for our ceremony and it’s not a direct attack at my cousins baby, it’s just our preference! Lastly for her wedding she had in Mexico she only invited her immediate family and NO kids…. I hate that she put me in this awkward situation…

What do I say to her?? 😭😭

21 Comments

Latest activity by Carine, on June 8, 2022 at 15:12
  • Carine
    Featured September 2023 Ontario
    Carine ·
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    Glad you stuck your guns. It's your wedding, if they are not happy they can stay home.

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  • Alyx
    Featured September 2022 Alberta
    Alyx ·
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    Update now that more rsvps have come in everyone’s asking to bring their kids and babies. And plus ones. I’ve just stuck to my guns and said no babies and no plus ones. I obviously said it in a apologetic tone
    But I’ve had to grow some thick skin and just say what needs to be said 😬 weather they bring there children behind our backs… hopefully not because we don’t have the space
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  • B
    Curious August 2022 Ontario
    Beth0102 ·
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    We had a similar situation (cousin asked if he could bring his 6 year old). We are only having my fiance's children and my two nieces as I do not have my own children so they are all considered "immediate", also they are all teenagers so different story than having a 5/6/7 year old let alone a 1 year old at the party.

    I would reply with something polite like "Looking to give the parents with small children a night out and some fun!" - they should get the hint, and do not feel bad! : )

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  • Darbi
    Curious August 2022 Alberta
    Darbi ·
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    It's hard to be in an awkward situation like that but ultimately it's your day and it needs to be what you want so stand your ground! Allowing one person and not another could cause some friction so I would just explain to her your policy and that it doesn't just apply to her kids and hopefully she's understanding- especially if she also had a no kid wedding.

    Good luck!

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  • Julie
    Newbie May 2023 Ontario
    Julie ·
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    Girl. Its your wedding, do what you want boo!
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  • Rayanne
    Featured June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne ·
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    You're reasons for saying no are reasonable IMO. Unless you want to go back to the people you said no to and tell them they can bring kids.....the ones you said no to will be angry that you made an exception just saying. If your own child won't be there then I'm sure she can understand.
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  • Kelsey
    Frequent user August 2022 Alberta
    Kelsey ·
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    Tough situation. We were in it too. We offered to pay for a babysitter for our out of town guests. So we have someone who will order a pizza, rent a movie, put them to bed. That sort of thing. They could accommodate 6 kids and we gave the out of province ones priority but also didn't advertise it, this was only shared in 1-1 convos with some guests. So anyone who didn't read the "adults only" part of our invite was then told about the babysitter who would "watch your child so everyone can enjoy the evening". Straightforward, and tactful IMO.


    Others we simply said no kids, sorry. Hopefully you can find someone. Some awkward moments but that's the way it is.
    Good luck!
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  • J
    Newbie June 2022 British Columbia
    Jenness ·
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    I would just tell her that you are limiting kids and you unfortunately don’t want to bend the rules, as it may open up the floodgates for others.


    I feel for ya! I have been getting some interesting situations myself. Ha! Stick to your guns and it will all work out the way it’s supposed to 🥰
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  • Alyx
    Featured September 2022 Alberta
    Alyx ·
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    Thanks! No kidding lol


    She didn’t have a baby then, her son is one years old! But ya I’m not sure why they can’t find anyone to babysit considering she and her husband grew up in the town I’m getting married in 🤷🏼‍♀️ I understand that all of her side of the family will be at my wedding but her husbands won’t be 🤷🏼‍♀️None the less I understand sometimes it’s hard to find a sitter and it was hard for my fiancé and I too. We didn’t want our family to have to take care of our son the whole night we wanted them to be able to go relax! We did grow up together and I was very close with all my cousins growing up but we aren’t very close now, we catch up every few months but she lives in Kelowna and I live in fort St. John. I haven’t even met her son and she hasn’t met mine lol 😬

    I haven’t said anything to her yet I’m going to give it a couple days more before being rash with a text. And give me more time to think! But I’m probably just going to say I apologize but we’ve decided to have an adult only ceremony and reception

    There’s nothing more I can say! Right now I don’t feel like I need to give her reasoning or explanation on why we chose this. It’s just what we’d like 😊 hopefully she can understand and can still make it to our wedding
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  • KELLY
    Featured October 2023 Ontario
    KELLY ·
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    I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this as if wedding planning isn’t stressful enough!


    Who babysat her son when she got married? If that person isn’t available well that’s not your problem - it’s hers. Stick to your plan- no kids and if she can’t find a sitter then either neither of them come or one stays home to watch their child.
    Out of curiosity- how close are you? She’s your 4th cousin right?
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  • Amanda
    Featured August 2022 British Columbia
    Amanda ·
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    You're welcome! I totally understand about the whole stress thing! Our day is getting closer (70 days) and I swear it's gotten more stressful then postponing twice because of covid!

    Sometimes you can't make everyone happy! And just remember it's YOUR wedding day!! Some people will only understand when they're in your position later on in life when they're planning their wedding!

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  • Alyx
    Featured September 2022 Alberta
    Alyx ·
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    Okay I’ll add that , thanks Amanda! Lol


    My grandma was saying that she thinks because she can’t find family to watch her son that maybe she’s nervous to have a stranger watch him 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️
    This is the kinda thing that is stressful about weddings! Trying to make everyone happy is a struggle ! I’ve 123 more days lol I’m praying nothing else will pop up 😬😬😬😂😂😂🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼
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  • Amanda
    Featured August 2022 British Columbia
    Amanda ·
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    I would defiantly add that. Then she might get the hint that maybe she should do the same thing and have a kid free night. What's so wrong with a kid free night?!

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  • Alyx
    Featured September 2022 Alberta
    Alyx ·
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    That’s so unfair to you!!
    Just have respect people!!! Lol it’s not that hard 🤦🏼‍♀️

    Okay I’m nervous lol 😬 do you think I should add I’m getting a baby sitter for my son or just leave that out
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  • Amanda
    Featured August 2022 British Columbia
    Amanda ·
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    I know it's awkward trust me I know. My mil knew I wasn't happy when she had the hissy fit with me but in the end it's your wedding day and you invite who you want.

    If she asks why then I would say that it's a numbers thing. you're over your total amount that you can have and can't fit anymore people in. People really need to understand this lol

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  • Alyx
    Featured September 2022 Alberta
    Alyx ·
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    😬😬😬😬😬 it’s so awkward 🤦🏼‍♀️
    I swear people don’t understand weddings lol

    I want to say that but what do I say if she says why? Lol
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  • Amanda
    Featured August 2022 British Columbia
    Amanda ·
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    I would then just tell your cousin because of numbers you unfortunely can't have anymore people. I sorta had the same situation with my MIL a few weeks ago. My fiance didn't invite 2 of his cousins and she had a hissy fit about it. I just told her sorry but because of numbers we can't have anymore people.

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  • Alyx
    Featured September 2022 Alberta
    Alyx ·
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    That’s what I told my grandma and I wanted to say and she’s like no don’t it’s not worth making enemies over .. so I don’t know what to do 😢
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  • Amanda
    Featured August 2022 British Columbia
    Amanda ·
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    I would just straight up tell her no she can't bring her baby. When it comes to weddings, people tend to think everyone is invited and this day in age, this is not the case.

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  • Alyx
    Featured September 2022 Alberta
    Alyx ·
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    I talked to my grandma today and she said to tell her that we can share a babysitter 🤷🏼‍♀️ She said one more baby won’t hurt the wedding. But my fiancé is adamant about the rules we made because it’s not fair to everyone else who we said no kids to




    It was on my invitations but my grandma told me to take it off and put it on the website, my cousin already knows there’s no kids allowed which is why she’s asking and her sister said they were having trouble finding a sitter
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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
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    Just say no for those exact reasons. As you said, this cousin did the same thing. No reason it should be weird for you to do it.

    Did your invite specify that it was an adult only function?

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