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Stefanie
Devoted August 2021 Saskatchewan

Are you telling others?

Stefanie, on May 12, 2020 at 00:47 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 23
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Those who are still getting legally married on your original date and having a ceremony/vow renewal next year, are you telling others? Or keeping it a secret until the big wedding?

23 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on May 18, 2020 at 13:58
  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    I dont think you should keep it a secret. personally i think its rude these people were invited to your wedding why hide it from them

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  • Beatriz
    Frequent user September 2020 Ontario
    Beatriz ·
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    LOVE THIS!!!

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  • Mikayla
    Beginner August 2020 British Columbia
    Mikayla ·
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    We are keeping our original date and getting all dressed up and having an outdoor zoom wedding. All our friends and family can still join in on our special day in their own ways! We feel it’s important to include everyone on our day. It only happens once.
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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    We’re going to tell everyone. I don’t think it’s fair to our friends and family who are excited for us to keep it a secret. Plus we will have some lovely photos of the ceremony on display at the reception.
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  • Patricia
    Frequent user July 2021 Ontario
    Patricia ·
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    I’m in the same boat, unsure what we’ll do. Since we still plan on having a ceremony next year I’ve been hesitant to tell people. A family member also suggested keeping it a secret, noting that a lot of couples (I.e. for destination weddings) get legally married prior to the ceremony without many/anyone knowing
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  • Stefanie
    Devoted August 2021 Saskatchewan
    Stefanie ·
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    Awe that definitely makes sense. I think we would be open about it. I'm just not sure if we'd announce after or before we are go ahead. Offering a zoom option may be a thing if we decide to go ahead. No matter what we are still having another ceremony next year regardless of if we have a small ceremony this year and if we had it streamed. I want that walk down the isle traditional feeling.
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  • Stefanie
    Devoted August 2021 Saskatchewan
    Stefanie ·
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    This is soooo very true. There are no rules for us right now. This is not a normal situation that others have been through. We are doing what we need to do to have that dream wedding as best we can even if it means having two ceremonies and a reception. And why shouldn't we like everyone else?
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  • BunnyBride
    Super August 2334 Nova Scotia
    BunnyBride ·
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    My FH and I are doing the legal marriage small ceremony/delayed bigger celebration combination. We were going to be open about, but our plan was also to see about arranging a live stream of at least the ceremony/vows part that our family and friends could watch from home for the smaller ceremony. This is especially important as most of my FH immediate family probably won't be able to travel to our province to attend the smaller ceremony even if they really wanted to. :-(

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  • Alison
    Frequent user August 2022 Ontario
    Alison ·
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    Yes the extra year is definitely a positive! I was initially really hopeful things would be back to normal by our date, but the more time went on the more unlikely that seemed, and we didn’t want people to feel uncomfortable! Not to mention the stress of not knowing what will happen in the next few months!
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  • Stefanie
    Devoted August 2021 Saskatchewan
    Stefanie ·
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    I definitely felt a lot of relief when we were able to move everything. Luckily all our vendors and venue could line up.
    I just keep struggling back and forth about going ahead with the smaller ceremony and if we did to announce or not. And if we did if it would make others upset they weren't there or wondering why we are bothering next year. It's all uncharted territory so some of these decisions I find are difficult to make lol.
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  • Kaitlynn
    Curious August 2021 Ontario
    Kaitlynn ·
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    100% the same - I was bummed for a week or so after resolving myself to the reality, but our venue told us we can re-book without penalty and the date I wanted as a backup was still available. We only got that e-mail today and I actually feel quite relieved (still hoping all my vendors can do the same - photographer is iffy now unfortunately - then all we have to do is wait and save money haha). It just didn't make sense to go ahead this year when we already had family tell us they would no longer attend.

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  • Alison
    Frequent user August 2022 Ontario
    Alison ·
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    Double date twins! 😂. How are you feeling about postponing? We made the decision a couple of weeks ago. It was super stressful leading up to it, but felt like such a relief once we finally committed. And now surprisingly I’m looking forward to getting to have both an intimate day and the big elaborate day 🙂
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  • Kaitlynn
    Curious August 2021 Ontario
    Kaitlynn ·
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    We are date twins exactly! Just e-mailed my venue today to confirm that date next year. We are still thinking about getting married Aug 29 this year and doing everything the same anyway next year.

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  • Alison
    Frequent user August 2022 Ontario
    Alison ·
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    I had thought of this exact same question. We have postponed our August 29, 2020 wedding to August 28, 2021, but are still planning to have a small ceremony on our original date. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do either in terms of telling people. I wasn't sure if people would think it was silly if we were already technically married but still having a ceremony next year (We didn't want to just have a reception). As a guest, I personally don't think I would mind if I was or wasn't told, but that's just me. But as the bride I find it trickier. I have always envisioned me taking my fiance's last name, so I think it would be weird to technically be married but not take his last name (then I would really feel like we're hiding something). And then I assume we would both wear our wedding bands too. I don't know what we'll end up doing!

    I don't think we'll shout it from the rooftops, like I would have if there was no Covid and everything had gone to plan lol, but I definitely wouldn't deny it if people asked. Our closest friends and family will obviously know though.

    Sorry for the long reply lol. This has obviously been on my mind too! Do you know what you guys will do about wedding rings? Or if you were going to take your fiance's last name? Would love to hear what other people are doing!

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  • A
    Frequent user August 2020 Ontario
    Anna ·
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    Personally I think keeping it a secret would be really really strange.
    Plus, I would still want photographs of the intimate ceremony.
    When we postpone our August wedding we plan to send out a note to everyone to advise, and will include something like "Its with heavy hearts that we have decided to postpone our wedding celebrations to 2021. Fiance and I will be wed in an intimate ceremony with our parents on our original date, and we look forward to celebrating our union with everyone together at a later date"
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  • Stefanie
    Devoted August 2021 Saskatchewan
    Stefanie ·
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    Very well said! I agree with you there. I don't think we could hold it a secret anyways.


    We announced a postponement to August 2021 on Facebook/email as everyone was asking as it was reaching our RSVP deadline at the time. We have been back and forth deciding to still get legally married that day but haven't made a final decision yet. It's going to depend a lot on what phase we are at in August with how many people are allowed as I can not see myself getting married without all our immediate family and that is 18 right there (we've been together 12 years and have two kids of our own). If we were to decide to go ahead with the small ceremony would you make another announcement on Facebook after? Or how would you approach it?
    I have been really indecisive on this one lol.
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  • Caitlyn
    Super January 2020 Ontario
    Caitlyn ·
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    I really think that in a situation where you are getting legally married before your “big wedding” with everyone in attendance you need to be honest and transparent . We’re in a pandemic and your guests will understand your decision to get legally married in an intimate ceremony and not postpone that part for another year. This is a decision that due to circumstances a lot of couples are deciding to do. What your guests will have a harder time understanding is you not being honest with them about when you got legally married for the time leading up to your ‘big wedding’. You really risk upsetting people. I can honestly say that I would be upset/ticked off if I was a guest in this scenario. You also risk people finding out ahead of your ‘big wedding’ by one of you letting it slip or by them putting clues together and figuring it out and that can just lead to more upset.


    I know some brides in your situation worry that guests will see their wedding as less special or important if they know that you got legally married beforehand and what they’re seeing isn’t your legal ceremony. I don’t think your guests will. I knew before the wedding that my SIL did not get legally married at the wedding ceremony we saw because she told us ahead of time and the ceremony was no less special or emotional or beautiful because it wasn’t a legal ceremony.
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  • Amanda
    Expert July 2022 Ontario
    Amanda ·
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    I would keep the ceremony we did this year to ourselves, and then continue as normal at the renewal the following year. That's just me personally though. I am sure people would honestly like to know that you ended up getting legally married but waiting to do a formal ceremony and reception the following year.

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    I would certainly want others to know if all plans were going forward next year. The invitations that have been sent out or going out would have to have a change to be notified for arrangements to be taken care of their end.
    Renewal followed by reception is a good idea or anniversary.
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  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia ·
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    We're telling people. The reception we have next year will be on our first wedding anniversary. We will have a vow renewal for our guests, but they will know we're already legally married.
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  • Haylee
    Frequent user July 2020 Ontario
    Haylee ·
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    We're definitely being transparent that our actual wedding day will be our small ceremony. I think in these unprecedented times, people understand. You get to the point where you just don't want to wait anymore, and start your married lives and future together.

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  • Andrea
    Devoted January 2021 Ontario
    Andrea ·
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    We were going to do an intimate wedding on our original date and then a vow renewal next year, but we changed our mind. If we had went through with this, we would have definitely told people, as we wouldn't of wanted to mislead anyone into thinking they were witnessing a legal marriage at that point.

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  • V
    Frequent user September 2021 Ontario
    Veronica ·
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    We originally wanted to do a small intimate ceremony on our day (we have since changed our mind), but, with our original plan we were NOT going to tell people until next year at the “big wedding”. Smiley smile
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