Anxieties

I get it! Oh dear- just one of those things we can't make our nerves listen to reason!

Thats the thing... I know she is going to do it and even if she doesn't, we can get married at the court house on Friday... The guests would miss the "show" but I would get the wedding I want... Completely irrational, why is it causing me anxiety

That's so sweet Bethany! 😁 there's a lot of really sweet and helpful girls on here, it's awesome! I shall rant away.
Right now I'm surprisingly calm, since I'm at work but slacking horribly.

Sounds like you have the contacts under control, and since you have over a year to go, you are really doing quite well having all of that considered! The 75% depoist is crazy to me too, mine wanted a 10% deposit But it will be worth it if it is your dream venue!

You are being too hard on yourself!

You will be so well orgnaized by June this year, you'll be amazed!

Let it all out Lindsey!! I can appreciate stressing over every little thing even when u know it's not worth it.. it's my second nature lol. I'm not an advice giver I'm a listener!

I really haven't spent anything beyond the venue deposit. I've always been a pre-worrier though. I'll feel better once we've booked everything because then I'll know what the actual cost is.

There is no way on this good green earth could I plan my wedding in 8 months. Lol.

Just completly irrational flying dress fears... Some times it gets stuck in the revolving door into the airport and rips in half... Sometimes it gets stuck on the conveyor at screening and shuts down the airport... I intend to ask for a personal screening of it but then in my mind the airport security has ink on their fingers... Or there is turbulence it falls into the aisle and the drink cart runs over it... Or I fall asleep and someone steals it or spills something on it... The dress currently lives at my sisters, she has a 7 and a 4 year old and I'm not a bit worried about it getting damaged there, so I don't know why flying with it triggers anxiety.

Most of the vendors want at least half of the total cost to hold the date. Our reception venue needs 75% (which I personally this is slightly ridiculous) . We haven't been able to talk to our ceremony venue because they've been in Mexico for the past month (lucky ducks), but we are penciled in for our time and date so it doesn't bother me too much. And we talked to our baker for our cake and they've told us not to worry about it until the month before our wedding. So once our savings start accumulating... I'm going to be doing as much booking as I can.
It's just nerve wracking to think about having to go through and pick out my vendors again. Once you have your mind made up, you think you've made the decision. But I've got my fingers and toes crossed hoping we can get this done fast enough. Haha

You are so sweet, thank you. Yes the perfectionst comes out and I can be a bit.. much, which I'm aware of so I don't like to put my friends in family in a situation where they are on the receiving end of my craziness (it's also why I refuse to go do those escape rooms with any of my friends, my MOH had asked MANY times and I was like... I know what I am and I know I'm crazy competitive... we may not be friends after and people WILL be mad at me, so no thanks LOL).

I already have a back-up plan in place (applied for a line of credit and when one of my investments comes due at the end of the year, I'll just take from there), it just stresses me having to resort to a plan B when I would have just prefered to change my plans for my wedding and scale it back to something I could more comfortably afford. Live and learn. I know it will all work out in the end (because I made it work out lol) but it's just this crunch time that is just building all the stress that sucks.

Yes, my parents are ridiculously dramatic! (My dad threw a literal fit and didn't speak to FH and I for months because FH didn't "ask for my hand/permission"). They've told me they are separating after the wedding (they decided to have a huge fight in the hour I was getting my makeup trial done at their house... it was awkward as hell), so there's that drama to deal with. But luckily they don't usually like to make a scene, they are "quiet" dramatic, no one will know anything is up... but I'll have to hear about things for weeks/years (I STILL hear about things my SIL did to them at my brothers wedding 6+ years ago! But you would have never known it to look at/talk to them the day of).

That sucks about your mom, even when it's for the best that they don't come, it still sucks a bit that they aren't there.

That's hard for sure cuz u want to be on top of everything and have some things set in stone earlier the better so that it's less stress. Having to wait is hard I know. If it helps you, I got engaged in December 2016 and told him we're getting married in August 2017. Gave my 8 months to plan. I got my dress first (consignment shop) so it's my closet now I don't have to wait 6 months for it to come in. Just needs alterations now which will happen in march. I put my fiancé on top of picking venue cuz I couldn't make a decision. He did and did good! And I found my photographer on google. It also helped that I'm getting married on a Tuesday hahah. But if it gives you piece of mind, my weddings coming together nicely and I only started doing it in January.

The life of a perfectionist. I totally understand needing to have things my way I don't usually accept help either cuz i know how nitpicky I am and I just don't want to be mean lol might as well just do it myself. That is a lot of stress you my girl! Specially since you like things linear and organized and are on top of things. Feeling out of control of your money is going to drive you nuts. Even thought it leaves stress on you, I can tell the way that you are, you'll figure things out and it will be okay, because it has to be. You don't seem the type to sweep things under the rug lol you problem solve until there isn't a problem to be solved. But until that moment it's a huge burden on you and you're prob still thinking about the best way to solve this money issue. I work retail so I have like no money and my dad is flighty too. I'm using all my savings , not that there was a lot. I have a tsfa and rrsps I can tap into if need be plus a line of credit. Your mom seems dramatic LOL. Is ur dad the same? Both my parents are weird but thankfully for me they are divorced so I only have to put up with one at a time Hahah. I don't talk to my mom cuz she is loudly dramatic she doesn't even have my number and she's not invited to my wedding which trust me is a good thing!! My dad is quietly dramatic so I can handle that better lol. I hear the parent struggle too!

Yeah I have! I even called her yesterday and nothing

Get a contract girl! It sounds like everything is set- but have a contract that states everything required has been fulfilled and the wedding is "approved" to move forward. It would give you so much peace of mind!

If things do get booked up, don't let that get you down. You WILL find others! I promise! Here's to hoping they stay available for you Would putting down small deposits help hold the vendors you really want?

On another note- you are doing the right thing by saving and waiting! You are avoiding interest on credit cards and potential over spending....so even if you are stressed NOW- you have saved yourself so much worse heartache and stress in the future. I'm really impressed!

Night shift is such a social life killer!

Sounds like you have a good group, just a busy one....Don't stress. They will come through for you (I would be willing to bet, anyway).

Super anxious and neurotic person checking in! This wedding thing may well be the death of me. I guess I'm lucky I have so much time and am planning early. I'm prone to obsessing and freaking out over everything. The first week after getting engaged I became focused on the most minute details I had no idea or control over yet. *sigh* as I spend more time on these boards and talking to a lot of 2017 brides it's helped calm me somewhat.

Hey Bethany! I think it's great that you bring up this type of discussions. We definitely need to talk about this type of thing too! I think it's always kind of an issue these days to find the time when everyone can meet up. I'm glad it got sorted one of them at least. As for your friend who hasn't answered, maybe she just forgot. Have you tried texting back?

Well hopefully there isn't an drama to share LOL... dare to dream. It's like a medium wedding (80ish people). I really wish I did just pay for it on my own, but everyone seemed so excited, my parents had a long talk with me about the money but then few months or so later (after deposits were down and many details couldn't be changed) my mom claimed she never said any of it and she never gave me a number and I made it up (then got upset I was paying deposits myself and getting all the points on my credit card and not hers). So she's been... unreliable since. Thanks, I'm trying to be on it, but it stresses me A LOT since FH barely makes enough to cover half the rent let along contribute to the wedding, so money stress usually falls on me. I have 4 bridesmaids, but my sister lives over an hour away and FSIL is EXTREMELY unreliable. The other 2 are amazing and would do anything, but they've got their own shit happening in their lives and I don't like to bother them. Plus I'm a control freak and setting up the wedding will need to be perfect (in my eyes), so I don't know how much help I want because people get annoyed when you redo their work or get too snippy about how it needs to be done. So easier if I just do it myself. Thankfully, as of now, I'm able to go to the venue the day before to set up all I like

I agree with Melissa too and maybe I would talk about their own lives, if they ever texted back Hahaha. Sometimes they go above and beyond like working an 8 hour night shift (1am-9am) and still meet me at 10am to go dress shopping ALL DAY. Now she hasn't texted me back for three days. And one bridesmaid designed my save the date cards and offered to pay for them but then I ask her to come do pedis n lunch n she said no she'll do lunch but pedis are a waste of money. The inconsistency is just ridiculous hahaha. I gave that bridesmaid grief tho and she apologized and is coming now lol.

Your wedding sounds like it's gunna be super fun!! I wanna hear about it after haha specially the family drama . Is it a big wedding? My dad hinted at giving money but I could tell he didn't actually want to, he just thought he should. So I'm just going to pay for it myself lol. Less of a headache in some ways. It's a lot!!! You're dealing with a lot but it sounds like you're super on top of everything. How many bridesmaids do you have? They'll help with the setup and all of that so it's not so much for one person right? What's ur colors?

My biggest anxiety would probably be a time/money combo. I'm not worried about money particularly, we've budgeted it out and we know what we can get saved up, I just want it all done. I don't want to have to worry about it or think about it anymore. We have almost everything planned, to a tee. But we haven't booked anything yet. We don't have any money saved up yet, so we have to save as we go. We are going to be booking our venues hopefully in March. It's so difficult knowing that I have to wait on the money to come in before I can book anything. The next big things on our list is the photographer and the DJ. Hopefully I'll have those booked by July, just over a year before our wedding. I just hope things don't get booked before we get the money...

You also reminded me of the event manager at my venue joking that my officiate will forget my name since they won't know me Hahah I was like RIGHT ON. im from ns and moved to Alberta a year and a half ago and don't go to church as much as I should! Then she told me a story of how they messed up the ice sculpture at a wedding she's been to and instead of saying "Michael & Whitney" it said "Mitchell & Whitney". Michael had to announce to everyone, "sorry but 'Mitchell' couldn't make it today so I'm stepping in for him". I laughed lol

I'm with Melissa, talk to them about non-wedding things. I know I've been a little wedding crazy lately, with the day approaching it's practically the only thing on my mind. But I try and take a step back and ask them about their lives because I do care I might just not always remember to keep up with them like I normally would.

My current anxiety is definitely looking at all my balances that are due in about 2 months and freaking out that we won't have the money, my parents have been... difficult, with actually giving us the money they said they would and I made the mistake of depending on it. And even though FFIL has been amazing and wanting to help, I am scared that something will come up suddenly and they won't be able to contribute and I'll be left footing a VERY large bill that I will need to go into debt to pay off (which freaks me out). I obviously have been planning for worst case scenario, but lesson learned... never count on money you don't have in hand!

I'm also anxious about things not being done in time, setting everything up the day before (and things not going smoothly or how I planned), that I'll set everything up and it will look AWFUL together, upsetting any of my guests, family causing a scene (there are a few I'm worried about), and any number of things!! As the day approaches I find something new to worry about.

Just gotta take it a day at a time and try not to let the crazy anxiety ridden days outnumber the wonderfully happy ones of knowing you get to be with your FH, married, at the end of it all and take pride in having put together a wonderful, personal, perfect for you, wedding.

Hahaha omg! I feel like you have a pretty resilient personality. What is the story on the dress? This is a good story Haha. Did you fly air Canada The officiate will come thru cuz at the end of the day you are paying her Hahah

I totally understand that. Me and my fiancé are splitting the costs so I find and for the photographer, my dress, etc. And he finds and pays for the venue (which is supplying the food so two birds one stone). I had a budget and I feel like I'm going to go over what I budgeted and use a lot of my savings. So I hear you! I'm spending a lot on my photographer so at least I'll be able to look at what I spent my life savings on in quality! Where are u at in your wedding? Have u spent a lot already?

That's a good one that makes sense! So it is a big surgery then? It's hard to listen to our "rational" voice sometimes when we have so many other thoughts and opinions coming thru our minds. It sounds like it's your rational voice that knows you made the right decision to have the wedding date you have. Sometimes it can feel like there's no "right" time to get married cuz we all strive for perfection on that day and there's always just things that come up that might hinder that ideal. At the end of the day you'll be married tho which is what u really want and we have to just enjoy the day no matter what at that point cuz whatever will be, will be.

So far only two... ruining / losing my dress on the flight to NB (even as carry on)... Or that our reverend will change her mind and refuse to marry us... I'm not Christian and FH is barely Christian we are having a church wedding for our families and because it makes sense financially... She is aware of our lack of belief and said as long as we fulfilled certain conditions which we have it would not matter... I know neither is rational... She asked for and received permission from the diocese as well as confirmed date and time with me last month but it is still there in the back of my head... That felt good thanks for the topic.

It sucks but it happens... I've got two like that... They will be there.

Currently, my biggest anxiety is money. I know what I can afford and I'm sticking with it but still it's stressing me out.

I think it perfectly normal to have anxieties and fears about your wedding.Even if we know in our hearts we are being silly...or if we don't and we are really worried about something!

I agree that talking through it is usually helpful I am sure your friends won't leave you stranded! I only suggest making sure you text/ talk to them about non- wedding things as much as, or more than wedding things. Make sure they know you care about the work and school that keep them busy! As long as you do that...you will be just fine! I think your idea of bonding is great- might be good for all of you to relax a little

My biggest fear right now is that I won't be healed enough from my surgery to go through with our ceremony the way I imagine it (I already can't wear heels!)...or that I will regret not pushing everything back a year and still having our reception party... I am pretty sure I'm making the right choice, but I get hints of doubt sometimes.