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Erin
Frequent user June 2024 Ontario

Annoyed and not sure what to think

Erin, on April 27, 2022 at 18:22 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 15
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So we are just over 1 year away from the date we set for our wedding. My gown is in the alterations shop, thousands has been laid out on venue, dj, invitations, cake, etc.. Now this man is saying he isn't even sure if he wants to get married on that date and saying things like "Besides its just a piece of paper...maybe we will do it in 2024 or 2025 I don't know" followed up by "All I know is I love you and I don't need a wedding to tell me how much I love you."


I'm so lost now that I don't know how to respond or what to do, maybe this was all just getting too real for him or he's worried about the Covid situation I don't know but I do know that I'm really annoyed that he's talking like this now that I've already spent literally THOUSANDS on reserving everything.

15 Comments

Latest activity by Vinod, on May 6, 2022 at 22:46
  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    The mind change when the wedding planning has taken place and you have deposits paid doesn't seem right to lose. If a small intimate wedding will work for him to have just family and close friends and a larger celebration of reception the date book. Its a compromise for you both.

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  • Rayanne
    Master June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne ·
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    I can definitely understand how overwhelming it gets! I'm glad everything is going better. Nevermind throwing in a pandemic....
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  • Tunisha
    Super October 2021 Ontario
    Tunisha ·
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    I’m so happy to hear Erin!
    Yeah, it’s great that you both had a good conversation to solve the issue. It’s also good to always do some checkins with each other to make sure you’re not too overwhelmed or frustrated.

    Wishing you all the best on your future planning for you and your future hubby!
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  • Erin
    Frequent user June 2024 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    Hey Tunisha,
    Yes we did talk it out and everything is okay now he was just a little overwhelmed and worried about money covid and gatherings. We had a good long heart to heart and everything is fine now thankfully.
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  • Tunisha
    Super October 2021 Ontario
    Tunisha ·
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    So sorry that you’re going through this Erin.
    I saw that you said you’ll speak to him about it. So I’m hoping that all went well and you both are on the same page to solve the situation. It would definitely be frustrating to hear this when all the planning is set in motion. Sending you positive vibes with positive outcome!
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  • Erin
    Frequent user June 2024 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    Thanks Rayanne. Oh trust me i plan on having a good long sit down with him.
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  • Rayanne
    Master June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne ·
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    When you talk to him I would make him realize how much you'll lose if you don't do it now. Good chance if you cancel it all it will never happen. He needs to understand it won't be cheaper if you postpone..... I'd think about how much that piece of paper means to you. It's not just about him. Good luck
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  • Erin
    Frequent user June 2024 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    I absolutely agree. He did make some points towards covid and towards money so I'm hoping that's all it is.
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  • Rayanne
    Master June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne ·
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    How frustrating for you. I would be very aggravated to say the least. It's one thing to not propose but another to plan then back peddle. I'd need a definite answer as to why he would be thinking/talking like this. Is it that he wants a smaller (less expensive wedding, less chance of being canceled for covid)? Did he not realize how much weddings cost and is getting nervous about putting so much towards it? I mean anyone can understand that but to decide to wait and lose all the deposits and money you've put down is crazy IMO.
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  • Erin
    Frequent user June 2024 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    I plan on sitting down with him tonight to discuss it.
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  • Jacquie
    Frequent user August 2022 Alberta
    Jacquie ·
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    I guess all you can then is make your feelings clear, and possibly prepare to try and get your deposits back?

    I'm sorry that really sucks. I'm not sure I would continue a relationship with someone who let me plan a wedding and then decided to cancel it.

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  • Erin
    Frequent user June 2024 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    We have and even the therapist said that it's just his way of speaking and I need to learn how to understand his way of communication better.
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  • Jacquie
    Frequent user August 2022 Alberta
    Jacquie ·
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    Have you guys considered couples therapy or pre-marriage counselling? You really should be able to discuss important things like this without having to 'read between the lines'.

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  • Erin
    Frequent user June 2024 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    Yeah, to be honest I think he is worried about the expenses and the pandemic but I don't know. He can be a very cryptic person sometimes so it can be hard to read between the lines with him sometimes.
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  • Jacquie
    Frequent user August 2022 Alberta
    Jacquie ·
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    That's tough. I can understand the couples that don't get married at all. (My Fiancé and I have been together for almost 10 years and never felt the need to get married). But to cancel a wedding and stay together (or reschedule for no good reason for an unknown date) seems like a red flag to me. He is maybe worried about the remaining costs of the wedding, or is he having second thought about the relationship.

    I think you need to find out the reason he doesn't want a wedding anymore and go from there.

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