And this is why i wanted a city hall wedding...

I'm having this problem but not with my FH, with his mom lol. If you count it strictly by family ties then we're both inviting the same (aunts, uncles, cousins) but the problem is he has a lot more of those than me and it's eating up our guest list. Also his parents have about 30 friends they are inviting (which FH and I are totally cool with because he practically grew up with them). Not sure what to do, I don't think it's fair to tell my FMIL that I'm inviting my family cousins but she can't invite her's because there are too many.

Guest lists are never your best friend when knowing who to invite and who to leave out.

Our scenario went from deciding to eloping to have a small wedding I had intended to have the whole time. It wasn't long before his mind was changed and started to make the list and whom we would be as honourable guests.

I went straight to immediate family and not overseas as it would be a lot to handle and pay for in the first place (knowing it would overtake all his guests away from the count too). I had met his family until realizing there were more and whom to have there importantly too as his side is smaller than mine.

Just focus on knowing his family can be invited to the point you have met them or know them in some way possible and good connection before hell breaks loose. I did have to know who my husband was inviting and never met some of these people beforehand.

View quoted message Yes. But I like to think that this makes me cherish the good ones that much more. Im extremely close with my parents. Because I had shitty grandparents. And they didnt want to be like that with me. So we are really tight knit. But small.

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Thank you for the phrase "genetically but not emotionally connected," I'll definitely be using that when I discuss this with my fiance

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Yes, this exactly! It's wonderful that so many people are blessed with kind, loving individuals in their families... but you can't exactly choose the people that make up your family, and unfortunately for me, many of the people I'm related to not very nice people. It's just luck, right?

I'm with you - ready to elope. lol

My side of the guest list is cut off at my immediate family, my best friend, and my aunt (my uncles and grandparents have all passed.) My FH is inviting people he's related to but rarely talks to, and who all left him in foster care as a child, more than once. He's pushing me to invite more people to 'balance things out' but if I open the door to my cousins, we go from a guest list of 30 to over 80 with their families etc. (I'm getting a ton of pressure to invite them all but have been standing firm on our guest count.)

So, I'll have my family (I count my best friend as family) and a bunch of people he's genetically but not emotionally connected to, who he insists on inviting because he's worried what they'd think.

I'm ready to give up on it all and surprise him when we do our engagement photos with an elopement.

Guests lists are always the toughest.

personally. who cares if they talk. their problem. not yours or FHs.

I am not even inviting most of my blood family (as I don't have much of a relationship with them). but I have my aunts side of the family (so technically my relatives by marriage as she married my uncle) that we are inviting. because they are the ones that are important to me. and have made a effort to get to know my FH.

my FMIL made a comment the other day about her portion of people being small (as she has 1 brother, she doesn't talk to). but we are letting her invite some friends (FH knows them, I don't). I just said...its ok. its a number. it doesn't really matter. what matters is who you have with you. that can be 1 person. or it can be 20.

at the end of the day. invite you who you want there. who will continue to support you through your life and your marriage.

Thats a tough situation. You shouldn't invite people just for the sake of inviting them. The last thing you want is to be uncomfortable on your wedding day. I have an entire side of my family that consists of not very nice people and I wont be inviting them for that reason.

We are only inviting family to ours... and I have a very small immediate family/ not close with extended family. My FH has a large close knit family (which I Love!)... so approx 90% of our guests are from "his side". Honestly we're all about to be family so I don't see an issue with uneven sides - it is what it is. My fiance asked if I wanted to invite some friends to make sides more even but I really don't care... maybe you could do that if you're concerned about it or just forget about it and let everyone "talk" lol.

YES YES YES THIS ENTIRE SCENARIO IS PLAYING OUT FOR RIGHT NOW.

Literally last night I just have to give him a blank stare as he was actually debating over inviting yet another cousin he’s spoken to once in his entire life. It’s over HIS family though. He’s tried to push me a few times to invite all of my family from Vancouver but he knows my family is 10x smaller than his so they won’t ever be even in numbers. Just stick to your guns. If you wouldn’t be offended that you didn’t get an invite, you’re doing the right thing.

And literally; my fiancé is inviting family of friends. It’s a lot. I get the frustration.

I'm more or less in the same boat. We're immigrants and my fiance's family is huge and all here in Canada. Probably 35/40 of our 95 person wedding is his family. Probably another 10 are my actual family, and then its rounded out by my friends and coworkers, mutual friends, and a few of his undergrad friends.

I’ve had this but sort of reverse. FH doesn’t have much family, so his parents are inviting several of their friends (whom I’ve never met/don’t have a relationship with us whatsoever), and I’m here like “Okay, my guest list is full of strangers, lol.”.

I'm with Emma on this. It really shouldn't matter - but if it means so much to your Fiance then I would say you really need a pro cons list to work it out. Maybe there is a middle that you can agree with?

Honestly I just wouldn’t worry about it. What are they going to “talk” about. The fact that you don’t have cousins? So?

You could invite a lot more of your friends if your concerned about sides being uneven. But honestly I wouldn’t stress about it.