Am I out of line?

Hi Kirsten,

You are justified to feel how you feel! I was in a somewhat similar situation. My husband and I waited another year to get married so we could save up and my friend, who had been dating her husband for a year, got engaged and married within 6 months. She actually got married 2 weeks after me! We talked a lot more about her wedding than mine. I think what helped me was that waiting that extra year was something my husband and I had decided together, and we had talked about getting married earlier with a small wedding, and that just made me really sad to think I couldn't invite all my friends from where I grew up. I also remembered how excited I was when I first got engaged and tried to remember that she is just feeling that excitement as well.

I think you should talk to her about it. Let her know you are excited for her, and glad that she can have her dream wedding, but that it is affecting your mood since you aren't in the same place right now. I would suggest letting her know you would appreciate that she not talk about her wedding with you (and then you not talk about your wedding with her) to try to keep the peace. For me, I talked about my wedding A LOT while I was planning, and it was kind of nice to have a friend who I couldn't talk about my wedding with (to be fair, it's because she would talk about her wedding all the time! and I don't interrupt people!) BUT, my husband and I also had wedding-free dates, where we not talk about the wedding, and it was a nice reality check that there is life outside wedding planning.

Agree with Tori 100 %

Just talk with her about it.

I just met a bridesmaid for coffee last night to discuss some things.. because text messages and stuff both ways were being taken in different context than intended and it was a whole miscommunication/not realizing how we were making the other feel. We both felt a million times better after our chat.

If she is truly your friend you should be able to have an open and honest discussion.

Say you are happy their relationship is progressing so well, and you are sure she will have a wonderful wedding. But you would like some more help and focus on your ideas for the time being. Let her know that you're happy for her, but it's hard when you hear some of that stuff because you are a little depressed. But when the time comes for her wedding you will be more than supportive and be a keen ear for all of her ideas.

Completely fine to feel this way!

I would say to have a talk with her though, 9 times out of 10 with my friends - they don't even know they are upsetting me and I don't know that I'm upsetting them! Just don't make it seem like she is never getting engaged, only let her know how you are feeling when she talks about her wedding. (Side note - she really shouldn't count her eggs before they hatch though...)

I would be annoyed to. Fact is she shouldn't be planning as pointless if shes not engaged. She says it could happen within short amount of time but I wouldn't plan until she actually has the ring. Its also frustrating for you with diff financial situation and you can't do much about it. I would just not talk wedding things with her until shes actually engaged.

Not out of line at all! You're allowed to feel how you feel, just don't let it affect your friendship since maybe she doesn't realize what she's even doing and is just sharing in the excitement. FH and I got engaged after almost 8 years of dating and are taking nearly 2 years to plan our wedding (one of the big reasons was to save money).

I wouldn't talk to her about it, but just try to talk about other things besides your weddings (or in this case, your actual wedding and her fictional one) and things should be okay.

Good luck with this!

You're definitely not out of line! She might also be excited to plan her wedding but you have feelings too and are also planning a wedding (with a set date).

I don't think you are out of line, I would just talk to her.

My fiance and I had a 2 year engagement because our venue was booked up for the 2 years but because we had more time to save we are able to have our dream wedding which is something that some of our other friends wish they had done or want to do going forward.

After we announced our engagement two of our other friends got engaged as well. They were from different friend groups so it seemed that whichever group we hung out with we always ended up talking about the newer engagements instead of ours. Our one friends don't even have a date set yet and they plan on having a wedding in a few years so it's not even close, but everytime we hangout with them we talk about their wedding.. it's extremely frustrating, I've talked to her since then and she understands now and talks about our wedding as well as hers.

You just have to focus on your wedding and then you can focus on hers when the time comes for it.

Not out of line at all! You do what is best for your situation, and you and your FH have agreed to that. Having a friend rub it in your face that they can do it sooner is not cool!
We have had almost a 2 year engagement and I wouldn’t change it at all. It’s given us more time to save up and take our time with decisions instead of rushing it.
Dont let her take the excitement out of planning a wedding!

View quoted message Thank you, means alot. I do know it will be in the end.

View quoted message Thank you!

Girl i feel you. i waited 7.5 years for an engagement, and wanted to plan a wedding 13 months from when we got engaged - i couldn’t wait to marry the love of my life. unfortunately when we budgeted we realized we would have to wait till the next summer, 25 months after getting engaged. it sucks but it’s worth it and it flies by. i’ve now already been engaged 11 months - almost halfway there! don’t let it get to you. you know it’ll be worth the wait.

Nope. Not out of line. Some friends are just more competitive, which can be stressful to those of us that prefer to just live and let live. I'd suggest saving the wedding planning discussions/excitement for a different person. Good luck!