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Danielle
Frequent user July 2022 Manitoba

Am I being too picky in looking for vendors?

Danielle, on November 14, 2019 at 12:37 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 13
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When I email a vendor for a pricelist, I typically say "Hi [contact name if available], we're looking for a [vendor type] for our wedding...[blah blah blah]...Thanks, [both names]."
The first email they usually respond with "Hi [both names]". Then when I send a follow-up question (I like to do this to determine how quickly they respond, because customer service quality typically goes down after they have your money), I typically just ask it from myself (and sign it off accordingly). But then the vendor emails back like "hi [his name]".
Uh, what?
I mean, to be fair, his name is first on the email. But they were able to see both names the first time, presumably because they read the whole thing. When in doubt address it to both or just say "hi again", right?
I worked as a realtor assistant for a while so I would often get emails from the same account from two different people. It's really not that hard to check who sent you the email.
Idk, I guess it just makes me question their attention to detail. Which is exactly what you DON'T want in, say, a photographer, right? Unless this is turning into one of those "in my religion we only speak to men if we have an option" thing? I've experienced that a lot in and around our city. FH and I once went into a Shell, and even though I was the one placing the items on the counter and handing over the money, the cashier *only* spoke to FH. When I asked how he was doing that day, he said "I'm good sir, and how are you?" (and no, my voice does not pass for a man's lol). To the point where as we were leaving FH said "wow, I never really had a chance to experience that but it was interesting to see him totally ignore you for no apparent reason". Interestingly, so far the only ones who have gotten it right are the women (for example, the venue is run by a husband and wife team but the wife is the one who mostly deals with clients).
But yeah, am I being too picky? It's just a little off-putting. Neither situation (discrimination or lack of attention to detail) makes me feel okay about the situation so I typically just write them off and continue on.

13 Comments

Latest activity by Vinod, on November 15, 2019 at 11:47
  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Every vendor has their way of responding the way they feel seems right as the client may not see it properly as mentioned. Yes, he is wrong in putting his name with the message under it, not acknowledging you directly.

    I have seen professionals not as professionals yet as normal clientele attitude. Its terrible and unappreciated. FH and the salesperson conversation seemed one sided when you being there should be acknowledged itself. That wasn't right and wouldn't go back for help from that person.

    Prospect wise as a salesperson who worked in retail sales for 9 years can say that I have dealt with men and woman the same no different. The only thing I have felt is that yes the wife may say what's more than the issue by screaming or speak more when I couldn't get a word to resolve the situation. I then turned to the husband and let them know the situation and solutions that can is available as they were calmer and understanding. Sometimes the tables were turned when the husband seemed more upset and the wife understood what I was saying. I hope you find better vendors that will reply back better and more professional.

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  • Danielle
    Frequent user July 2022 Manitoba
    Danielle ·
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    That's part of why I'm concerned! Like am I going to ask the photographer questions just to get ignored? Or are they not going to notice that a bridesmaid is manspreading in a photo (happened to friends of ours this summer...very few actually useable photos...yikes!).
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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    Oh that’s seriously annoying. I think I would just wonder how it would be on your wedding day.


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  • Danielle
    Frequent user July 2022 Manitoba
    Danielle ·
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    I'm partly concerned because the "women should be seen not heard" mentality is strong around our venue (and subsequently that's where we're looking for vendors). I mean, literally 5 minutes down the road, on the night we got engaged I asked FH to stop in at a restaurant so I could use their bathroom before we got to our friends' place because I didn't want to the announcement to be "hey we're engaged brb gotta pee". I went in and asked the guy at the counter if I could use their bathroom. He looked up at me then walked away. Rude, but fine. I don't plan to give them money, just use their toilet. So I asked the woman. She looked at me all sheepish like she wasn't really supposed to talk. Then FH came in and asked if I could use the bathroom and suddenly the guy popped up from out of nowhere and was like "yes sir it's around the corner!"


    Idk I guess I'm just on high-alert because of that. I know it's a problem in the area so it's hard to tell why they're doing it.
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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    I honestly don’t think vendors do it on purpose. They are so busy with a ton of emails and information I am sure they are bound to miss something.
    Can’t say I have ever experienced this as every time I wrote an email I only signed it with my name lol!
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  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    I feel like cuz you emailed with both names and then when they replied you only had one name they may have gotten confused or didnt read the end name as they were trying to answer your question lol but i mean your right. when vendors email me back with their assistant attached i say hello all or hello X and Y as common manners lol i dont think its a huge deal but if it bothers you then dont bother emailing them back lol

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  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia ·
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    I think people don't always read the name of who sends them something. I cannot count the number of times (even on here) where people have called me Amanda instead of Amelia. There's also a chance someone saw Daniel instead of Danielle and used the wrong pronoun. My fiance Taylor gets Ms. instead of Mr., or his last name which is also a first name.


    I wouldn't worry too much about it!
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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    I agree it's off-putting and haven't experienced it... but at the same time - at work I will send an email or DM and they respond back saying "Hey Tory," or "Hey Torrie" or etc. and I'm just there like.... it says... my name... in the email/DM... HOW??????

    I wouldn't read too much into it and all I do now is go to reply and then either *Tori* on above my reply or go down to their email and change it myself Smiley tongue

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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    For me, personally, and I'm someone who is super type A and work in a detail oriented environment...it isn't a deal breaker if someone references my FH and not me.


    People have so much on their minds, and while it is nice to think we bride and grooms are the centre of their universe - we aren't. All the time in my job, and in my planning the wedding, people just hit Reply, versus Reply All and you get one spouse getting the email but not the other, or being reference in the email etc. It doesn't mean they aren't good at what they do.


    What I find is if a photographer (or any vendor) is an established company, you'll deal with a receptionist and they should be paying attention to those things. However, the independent vendors, I would definitely give them a break. Even still, everyone makes mistakes or misses things, we are human.


    I work for a lawyer who can't even get people's names right and I have to guess who he is speaking about. They just have so much going on, the little things slip by them.


    You won't find anyone perfect - that's for sure. I'd say give them a break but let them know you're involved in the wedding too - but in a nice way (please be advised that I should also be copied on all replies, or something to that effect). I'm sure they'll rectify the issue quickly Smiley smile

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  • Caitlyn
    Super January 2020 Ontario
    Caitlyn ·
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    I totally see how that would be annoying. You want your vendors to have a high attention to detail and to fully read your emails and take your inquiries seriously. I will say though that in general people seem not to have a high attention to detail with emails. It's common for me to send out an email at work and for me to get a reply back with my name spelled wrong, even though my name is right in the email signature I sign every email with.

    I also get a number of emails replies back addressing me as my boss, even though we have different email addresses and very different names. I would suggest reaching out with phone calls and scheduling in person interviews as those seem to warrant higher attention to detail and importance to people and they don't make the same mistakes as they do with email.


    That being said, if you really are put off by a vendor's behaviour then look elsewhere. You will find the right fit, sometimes it just takes a bit.



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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    Ours is just first names, so idk.

    I wouldn't be overly concerned about the mix-up with you like them overall, but if he only addresses your FH, then I'd run in the opposite direction.

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  • Danielle
    Frequent user July 2022 Manitoba
    Danielle ·
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    I did ours alphabetically by first name but maybe I need to change it to last name. 🤔


    FH and I are going to meet with this newest one. If he gives me weird vibes we won't sign anything.
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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    I actually had the opposite problem with our shared email, vendors just assumed it was me (the bride) talking, which was 100% true. My name is also first on the email (did ours alphabetically) so not sure if that influenced it.

    I do think it's off-putting, and the whole "women are seen, not heard" mentality grinds my gears! Not sure if that's the intention with some of the vendors you are dealing with, it could be they just saw your FH's name first on the email, even though you signed off. If you get a chance to meet with vendors, it might give you more insight if they were being deliberate or lack attention to detail. I definitely would avoid putting deposits down before meeting in person with anyone (if you can help it). I also know that your gut-feeling is 99.9% right - so if something is off to you in an email, move on!

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