Advice on asking MOH to step down??

Perhaps you could just do a co-MOH? It's hard to demote - but if you are absolutely sure then make sure it's a conversation between just the 2 of you and then tell the others that it was her choice (as long as she is good with it).

I'm trying to put myself in that position (the MOH); and to be honest I would want you to come to me first and hopefully I can fix it. If I do have more going on that I wasn't telling you then at that point we would have a good cry and I would step down into BM position.

Try to keep how she feels in mind and go from there :/

Aw, Hannah, that sucks. I don't have any experience with this, but I can say that make sure you're 100% sure you want to change your MOH out before you do it. Something like this will probably affect your friendship forever, so I'd suggest having a good talk with this MOH in question to see if everything is okay with her before you do anything.

Good luck with everything

I would definitely have a chat with your current MOH and see where she's at. She could be dealing with outside factors that you don't know about. When you have this conversation, you could let her know if she feels she can't step up to be MOH she is able to step down to a bridesmaid. To avoid hurt feelings, I'd word it so it's up to her to step down. I.e. "I feel like you aren't completely invested in helping me with the wedding. If it's easier for you, it would be okay if you wanted to step down as MOH but still be in the wedding party as a bridesmaid."

I originally started out with co-MOH but one of them approached me and told me she didn't feel like she'd be able to be a good MOH so she stepped down herself to a bridesmaid.

I had issues with this as well. I have to MOH and said it wasn't fair to put it all on the other and not help or contribute. At first she wouldn't even text the other one back. I had to stand ground and say something and it fixed it a little. Either way the MOH that doesn't help then its clear one that helps will be standing beside me.

I know that it is disappointing that she isn't helping. However, if you demote she might just back out with hurt feelings all together. Need to remember this is one day of your life and do you want to have a friendship still. I would suggest sitting down and talking with her and explaining how it isn't fair. I was in my sisters wedding and MOH didn't do a thing- didn't come to any events. I planned it all and was a bridesmaid. I never once though asked to be promoted just was happy to be in it and planning it all.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's definitely a tough spot to be in.

I've been in a similar situation, where the bride demoted the MOH...put me in charge...but a couple of months later demoted me and put the OG MOH back in her spot after they reconciled. Needless to say, I was hurt and unimpressed.

So before demoting your MOH, I would encourage you to sit down with her and check on her. Hear her out and see what you can help with. If she feels overwhelmed or unhappy, then offer her an "out" by demoting her as an MOH but remaining a bridesmaid. If she brushes you off, remind her that this conversation is about HER and that you want to make sure she's okay, because you've noticed her attitude and disconnect towards her duties as an MOH and you want to make sure you're not putting her in a situation she doesn't want.

Hope it all goes well and works out

I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this. It sounds like you've had a talk about lack of participation already. I'm going to prod a little and ask if it was a conversation or a talking to. If it was a curious conversation (I've noticed you haven't been very engaged with the wedding planning and events. What's going on for you?) you should have a really good idea of why she's disengaged. If she replied with 'nothing' or something similar, follow-up questions to get to the bottom of the why may be in order.

It sounds as if you still want her as your MOH, you're just frustrated with the lack of engagement and feel your other bridesmaid deserves the title due to all of her hard work. If that's the case, a heart-to-heart may be past due. Ask the question, listen for the answers and respond accordingly. She could be dealing with cash flow problems, depression, jealousy...there are a whole host of reasons she could be disengaged. Delving into the why could preserve your friendship, even if the end decision is that she changes title to bridesmaid.

My MOH is my oldest friend - over 30 years. We have ebbed and flowed in our friendship - sometimes we're closer than others. But, in the end, we're always there for each other when the chips are down. She's in a different place and has a very different vision for my wedding than I do. Some things I've let go of because, in the end, my friendship with her is more important. (Go ahead and pick the short, matronly dress you think you 'should' wear instead of the one that makes you want to twirl.) Others I've put my foot down about. (No, I'm not going to Vegas for my Bachelorette - neither of us can afford it right now. We can go for our next 'big' birthday.)

If you don't want to rock the boat too much, you can alway have two maids of honour if you'd like.

However you decide to approach it, I wish you the best and less stress moving forward!