About to fall down and blow away with the wind

Is it possible to keep the wedding very small. That way you can keep the things that are important without the cost being out of control? Have you thought about other venues or options that would work better? Why does he think it's ok to only pay the $250 deposit? Why does he think this is ok? Do you get any monetary gifts from the wedding to spend how you like? If he isn't willing to be part of a team now how is the rest of your life going to go? This post makes my heart hurt. I wish you luck in this. Is he inviting guests?

Honestly, you guys need to talk this out. Getting married means you are a household. There's a huge disconnect when one person makes significantly more than the other. My fiance has always made more than me, and at first when we started to move in together it caused a few issues, but it was always divided on a percentage basis. He paid more than I did of our bills cause he made more than I did. Then earlier this year, before we get married, we combined our incomes completely because there was too much of a difference in our wages. It was the best thing we could have done because now the money stress is both of us vs. the situation, not us butting heads.

IMO if you guys aren't ready to join your finances and your fiance isn't willing to compromise a little to give you some of the things you want for a wedding, you aren't ready to get into a marriage together, as harsh as it may sound. This is something that needs to be talked about now, before it causes resentment.

It seems like if he doesnt find it important or necessary he wants nothing to do with it despite your feelings and think you two need to have a conversation about that,but not about your wedding. You need to dicuss this behavior and how it fits into your future. How this will look like with kids, buying a house, heck what your retirement looks like.

That being said, playing devil's advocate here, I get his side, the idea of spending a fortune on one day is ridiculous to me (now that being said I by no means judge those who spend 20-30k on their wedding. Its just not me) even the idea of a 1400 dress makes me sick to my stomach, and flowers to me are pointless... as they just die. So I kind of see his point if he feels like I do.

But a partnership is about compromise, and theres no compromise here. You shouldnt have to give up every part of your dream wedding.

Also maybe you two should sit down and discuss what you are comfortable spending on each part? My fiancé told me he wouldn't pay more than 800 for a photographer (something VERY important to me, good wedding photos) I had an absolute breakdown at first. Then I posted on a few facebook groups asking for photographers who are willing to comprise and work within a budget and low and behold I found a wonderful photographer who will give me a FULL DAY for $800.


Maybe my tactic can help you find some venders within a price point he is comfortable with, or one within your budget.

I’m so sorry to hear this! In my mind, it doesn’t sound fair. A marriage is a partnership and it shouldn’t matter that you make less... I have no savings going into wedding planning and my FH has a lot of savings, we made a budget that works for both of us but until I have more saved up he has been contributing more for deposits. Everyone will have their opinion but ultimately this is a reflection of future situations involving money so my best advice would be to examine how deeply it does or doesn’t bother you - if it doesn’t matter to you then don’t let others opinions get to you, but if you feel it’s a bigger deal, you have to speak your mind 💕 wishing you the best girl!!

Agree with all the comments from the ladies below. My FH would not be having a wedding if it wasn't for me. But he knew when he started dating me and things got serious, that I was always going to want a dream wedding and it was going to cost. We've had to have a few conversations around this, and I had to compromise on some things, and he had to suck it up and accept the cost on others. I started out trying to "pay for it on my own" with savings I had been building for awhile, and such, but this past month especially its gotten me a bit stressed and we've ended up just having a real conversation about how to split the cost and make sure neither one of us is stressed etc. Money sucks, especially when you and your partner do not make equal amounts, but it should never be used in a negative way. Good luck!

Lol it rains every month!! im getting married in aug and my friend had her wedding this past aug and it rained hard! but either way you both need to sit down and figure this out. you shouldnt be paying for your wedding and those things alone. you both should be contributing. i dont like flowers so we arent having any flowers (my bouquet is fake) but we paid a little more for decor instead. maybe explain to him that its important to you and you want to share the date with family and friends but maybe set a budget of 10k or something. you can find a lot of used wedding stuff on the fb group gta wedding marketplace. brides sell their decor and stuff when theyre done with it and its still in great condition. anyway good luck girl!

This sounds like you guys have a HUGE disconnect here... I feel like it shouldn't be HIS money and HER money, it should be OUR money... That's what a partnership like this is about. I think the two of you need to sit down and have a very serious talk about what each of you wants and how to come to a fair compromise - TOGETHER. Not just about the wedding, but the future in general. Good luck.

A discussion that seems the same with most husbands of what they feel isn't needed for themselves to look back in years for the day that will be remembered. You on the other hand want to have the day of your life and memories to have your family look at.

Instead of having to pay for the costs of this wedding and you can't have what you want, turn the table around and let him know he can plan it and pay for what he wants to have. This way he knows what it will be the one to take on all the responsibilities of what we go through for the stress.

When he turns to you and asks you questions, you can play his role and let him know what he is really showing emotions to you. Then only will he agree to say yes to you and have to let you have what you want for the day and take over. We all go through this knowing what to expect.

Keep your budget to what you can and consider the option of renting a wedding dress which is less expensive for what you can afford. Artificial flowers may be the solution to saving more than going real and simple.

Hope this helps and we are always going to be here to support you in any way possible needed.

You two need to have a long, serious conversation about what you both want out of the wedding/marriage in general. You definitely shouldn't be giving up your dream wedding because your FH is saying no to things you want. A marriage is a compromise, and within reason, your FH should be helping make your wedding the best day, not one you regret.

Finances play a huge part in partnerships/marriages. FH and I have friends that do not agree on finances and go behind each others' backs with big purchases/life decisions. Please have the finances conversation and come to an agreeable solution BEFORE you get hitched.

Also, do not let your dream wedding get away from you. Even though it's one day of your marriage, it's day one and it should be memorable for the right reasons.

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THIS!

Completely agree - by the sounds of this I'm worried that this relationship is not 50/50 if he isn't willing to try and make you happy.

My FH makes almost double what I make but what is his is mine and what is mine is his. We have a shared bank account and everything. You can't look at it like your income vs. his income - it's your combined income that this wedding is being put together with.

He either needs to smarten up or idk.... it's just not how you would want a marriage to start.

Did he propose or did you? Did you talk ahead of time about what you both wanted. It's not fair for you to do everything even if he doesn't necessarily want it. If he didn't want to get married then why is he? You guys have to talk and compromise. It can't just be his way or the highway. That's not how to start a marriage off right. You both need to be happy. I don't like the sounds of how unhappy you are with the situation. You need to stand up for yourself. You deserve much much better.

This isn't good.
You should be able to come to some resolution on each topic and, once resolved, it is funded as a couple. It's one thing to have separate bank accounts, but it's another thing entirely to have no financial partnership.
What happens if you have children together? You want to throw a birthday party for your child, he doesn't, so you have to pay for it yourself?
What would happen if you got sick and couldn't work?
Weddings should be the joyful celebration of the start of a great life together. It shouldn't be this hard.

I have to agree with Bianca on this one. It is both your wedding day, and you both need to be planning and contributing.
My FH may not have wanted a big wedding like the one we are having. But we made compromises along the way to make both of us happy. He also makes at least double of what I make, but we split the wedding purchases ( he will pay for one vendor, and I will pay for another)
Make sure your wedding day will be what both of you want. Work together, make compromises, and make sure you both are happy with whatever decisions are made!

Nina, I don't like the sounds of this at all. It makes me imagine what your marriage will be like when you want something and he says "no". DH and I have friends like that and I just find it a little odd. I think both people need to be on board with purchases.

When DH and I initially started planning our wedding we went into it evenly. We have contributed the same, compromised with each other, and gave in when necessary (like when I wanted to spend $430 on a seating chart). You need to express to your FH that it's not really fair that all of your wedding ideas are vetoed due to funds. You could talk about contributing a percentage of each of your incomes towards your wedding budget, that way it's fair and you can still plan a wedding that will make you both happy.