Young Children at Wedding

I think that’s totally okay. My mom and I were not on the same side with this either. My fiancé and I decided no kids so we mentioned it on the invitations. His family has about 20 kids under the age of 5 so it would get a little hectic. We had a few people from out of town that declined because they wouldn’t be able to find a babysitter - which is unfortunate, but we can’t accommodate everyone!

I think what you said was very polite and accommodating. I think you have the right to say that you have an age cut off for the children attending. We specifically said on our invitations that we didn't want children at the wedding and no one even batted an eyelash.

I think it is a bit rude of people to assume that their children have to go to everything with them and that it is a slight to them if you do not invite their child as well. Hopefully everything works out for you and your friend.

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Thank you Vinod! That was nice of you to arrange the high chairs where needed.

I've attended a wedding where they've stated no children allowed on their invite. But they verbally told my fh and I that we could bring our daughter who was 10 months old at the time. We brought her and I hold on to her the whole time to make sure she's not going to be fussy. I even danced with her and went nuts on photobooth and took so much photos. I really appreciate them for letting me brimg my daughter. if i was not allowed to do so, I would have honestly not attended. i was not ready to be apart with her. I'm sure your cousins will appreciate for accommodating them. It's your day as well so whatever your decisions I'm sure they will respect it.

That was being kind to make sure there are arrangements taken care on your side for their children. Really sweet and thoughtful that isn't asked at all.

I had gone to my venue days before to go through the seating plan to let the wedding cordinator know which chairs needed replacing for high chairs. That was my consideration towards my side of the family and to have no one running around or asking the staff for it.

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I completely agree. Thank you for the post! I am glad to know that there are understanding parents out there.

I had a colleague ask if she could bring her son who'll be 13 mths this August....i have no problem with it

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LOL well for 6 yrs I had 4 of them, and one the whole time from zero to 20 yrs so I've learned a few things along the way and I've missed a lot of stuff too. Although they are handy excuses when you don't really want to do something lol. There are extreme cases but most people can find an alternate arrangement while they attend a 30 min ceremony or a few hours of a reception (or go to one and not the other). It was never a huge obstacle for an hour to go grocery shopping in peace or hit the gym. Generally, if you want it to work and you have notice , you can make it work. If you can't , you can't and a parent shouldn't be bothered that their own child is ruining their fun. .... (and I am sure I'll hear about this one

View quoted message Hallelujah! Someone who understands. We need more people like you :-)

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You are 110% correct. I think a lot has changed since I had mine 20 yrs ago- there is an expectation that they are a package deal and if the kid can't come its a slight to them and your friendship. That is juvenile. Parenthood has many sacrifices, sorry but its kind of what you sign up for. I think you are beyond accommodating by offering to still have the baby attend even when you stated ages over 3yrs.

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Having a baby at a wedding has nothing to do with whether you love them or the parents, and the bride is not responsible to ask everyone if they are ok to come or not before they make that decision. People don't have to bring their children everywhere they go. It is up to the parents to decide if they can/will leave a child at home to attend an adult affair. I am not having kids at my wedding, but I would never specifically not invite someone who has a child just because I don't feel they could/should need a sitter. I understand that they may not be able to come because of their own choice, just like my friends without kids will come or not based on their choice. Often parenthood means there are social sacrifices, the bride shouldn't sacrifice what she wants as she isn't the one that is responsible for the child.

I raised children on my own and if I couldn't attend an event because of that then that is what happens and I can be respectful of that.

View quoted message I agree 100%! If we were having a larger guest list then we would have an exclusive list for the ceremony only. Babies and children don't really know what the point of the ceremony is, and if they do they just don't care lol. You're definitely right when you say not everyone needs to be at the ceremony! And I see no issues with that at all.

We had a few moms with kids under one at our wedding, but honestly they were so busy outside the venue with the baby that we hardly saw them or the baby haha.

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Absolutely. At the end of it all it is my day and I we are the ones hosting this event. I just don't understand why some parents feel so entitled and come across as if we are being rude. If it's a problem just decline the invitation and that's the end of it. I don't need any guilt-tripping.

The way I see it. It is YOUR DAY any requests you want on your day are fair game!

Some people don't allow ANY children! My parents didn't have any kids at their wedding and were trying to suggest I do the same, but I have so much family and friends with young kids it just wouldn't be fair.

I think it's nice that you're trying to accommodate the under 3, but again if you stayed strict to your rule I would fully still support that too. You are spending a lot on YOUR wedding. If you don't want infants that is 100% your choice!

I don't think it's rude as it's your wedding and your guests should respect that you and your fiancé do not want children under the age of three at your wedding (and that it's important enough to you that you included it on your invitation). A wedding isn't an appropriate place for a newborn.

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Yeah, I think as a bride we have to learn to just trust in ourselves and do what is best for us at that time. We can't please everyone and usually most people do understand. If they are truly happy for you during this time they will totally understand and respect your wishes whatever they may be! Doesn't mean they have to agree.

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Hi Holly,

Thanks for your message. Absolutely sometimes you have to learn to bend a little as not every situation is black and white.

I try my best to accommodate everyone as much as possible. The reception I don't mind as much, for us, it's more our ceremony as we are having it filmed as a keepsake for us to watch back. We don't feel it is necessary for everyone to be at the ceremony.. this is a moment that is really all about us and something very important to us. Any super young child will not be aware of where they are and won't even remember the ceremony but for us we will remember it forever. It isn't to be mean to anyone or to exclude anyone but out of the 180 guests we are having the only two with babies I am sure could understand and either leave them home for an hour and pick them up after the ceremony or one parent (the one not related to me) can watch the child for the hour. Or they can get a babysitter if they absolutely must be there.

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i remember I had a post about inviting people only to the ceremony and dance part. People were like I personally would be offended and were saying that I was going to make it seem like I had an A friends list and a B friend list. Which recently I had people who weren’t invited to the wedding ask if they were and I said well we can’t afford everyone for the reception and they said they would love to come to the ceremony and dance.

I totally understand the situation you're in. We originally planned no kids of any age at all, but now we are planning maybe just during the ceremony but they must ALL be gone before the reception. We will be having about 2 hours in between the ceremony and reception. The only exception I'll be will to make to this is newborns and breastfeeding babies. One of my closest friends from college will have a 4/5 month old at the wedding and I will have a 6/7 month old so i will also be breastfeeding so that's probably why I'm being more open about it.
It's definitely not rude to ask parents to keep children at home or take them home at a certain point. It's your wedding and they must respect your wishes as children and babies at weddings is not ideal for everyone.

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Hi Maya,

Thank you for your kind words!!

I don’t think your response was rude at all. Lots of people seem to blow things out of proportion. You stated the preference of not having children under 3 and that if they did bring their 9 month old to inform you so you could accomodate for the stroller.

Best of luck with your wedding

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My brother has kids and does not bring them with him to weddings and agrees kids who go to weddings are usually a pain and those parents leave early. It's not just people who don't have kids that feel that way. It is a personal opinion. Not every event is suited for kids that doesn't mean you can't extend the invitation to your family members with kids. Some people do like to do things without their children.

It is up to the parents to decide if they want to come or not. There is nothing wrong with that. A black tie affair is no place for children to be running around (or it is really up to the bride and grooms discretion).

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I think brides who do choose to not allow young children are understanding and expecting the possibility of the mother or even father to not be there. Unfortunately not every type of venue can accommodate some of the things these parents may need so the so-called "complaining" is justifiable. You cannot please every single one of your guests nor is it the bride's job to do so. I think everyone tries the best they can but at a certain point you just have to do what you got to do. No one is calling a new mom a momzilla.

The point of my title bridezilla vs momzilla was to be funny - so please relax. It was just to say when it comes to a wedding it's on the brides terms not the mom's. That is all. We are all entitled to an opinion but I don't think anyone here was bashing new mom's but you aren't being very nice to new brides. They were just throwing out some suggestions (to pump or hire a babysitter) not forcing it upon them.

View quoted message 100% agree.

I will never understand why people who want no kids at the wedding invite people with young kids. Especially without talking to them before about the no kids and if they would want/be able to go. Like I get that you love and are close to the parents but if you were THAT close I would think you'd love and be close to the baby as well. Enough to understand why the parents may not be able to leave the child.

I agree with Emma. You can tell the people who don't yet have kids. Haha.

I’m not talking about the choice to have kids or not at the wedding has anything to do with being a young bride. I’m talking about the comments, they can just pump, they can get a sitter, they are demanding for asking for a place to breastfeed. Seriously those all show how much you don’t know what it’s actually like to be a new mom with a younger baby. It’s amazing how we are all amazing parents until we have children.

Its not the choice to have kids or not, it’s some of the attitudes here. Sorry but those making those comments are starting to sound bridezillaish. I forget who it was, but complaining because your future sister in law asked for a place to be able to breastfeed, and probably a seat where it was easy to make an exit. I mean saying that is demanding? Come on.

If you don’t want young kids fine. But don’t expect the mothers to be there if they have issues leaving their baby. And you better accept that your decision may exclude someone from attending. Just own that instead of calling a new mom who has a problem leaving her young child a momzilla.

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Yes exactly!! Not all events are made to accommodate children and that is ok and does not make you any less of a person or a baby hater.

I agree with you 100%!

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I totally agree, it has nothing to do with age. I have friends my age who already have 2 kids, and I won't be having any for another 5 years still... Young brides or not, your choice of children at the wedding is personal, and isn't based on age.

Being a parent comes with responsibilities, and sacrifices, which may sometimes include missing out. Obviously we want to include all of our loved ones and friends, but it doesn't always work out perfectly.

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I apologize for coming off crass, I would never demand a mom to pump. You're correct, some people have issues with it, and those would be circumstances to deal with... In general, many moms are able to pump, and do so to adjust with their own schedule and lifestyle.

We only have one couple coming who have an infant, and they will be 7 months old at the time, and they already knew it was no kids 3 months ago when she was only 6 months pregnant, and they are okay with it. If issues arise, we would accommodate.

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Of course if you are saying no children you are acknowledging that some parents may or may not be able to attend the wedding. I think that comes without saying for any bride who decides that. It is very understandable that they may not pump but just as we are understanding if they can't make it then they have to be understanding of our decisions.

Choosing to not have children at a wedding has nothing to do with being a young bride. I am not that young and I love children. It has nothing to do with that. I do understand what it is like to have a new born I have seen many of my friends go through it. To be a mom is a choice and it comes with sacrifices at times like not being able to go out and do certain things just like being a bride and planning a wedding we have many sacrifices to make.

View quoted message Not all moms can pump and feed their babies bottles. Some babies who are breastfed will not take a bottle. It’s actually rude of you to tell a new mom to pump.

Ok I understand that many of the brides on here are young and have not children so you guys don’t really understand what it’s like to have a new born. I know you may think you do, but really you don’t.

Its your wedding and your choice to have no children. But by also telling a new mom she can’t bring her very young baby you are also possible excluding her. If your fine with that then go ahead.