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Pacifica West
Beginner August 2019 British Columbia

Witnesses speaking during ceremony?

Pacifica West, on August 14, 2019 at 04:40 Posted in Wedding ceremony 0 12
Hello couples
my husband and I recently got hitched in a private ceremony with just the 2 of us. We choose an elopement package with the venue to simply the planning process, which included the ability for the venue to supply witnesses to us.
One of the witnesses spoke out to us on several occasions, making comments such as “look at each other” when our officiant was performing our ceremony.
At the time, we were able to ignore the commentary due to being in the midst of our most intimate and private moment, however, in retrospect, I feel this was highly inappropriate as I don’t believe anyone should be offering any form of guidance to the couple other than the officiant themselves... and especially not someone who doesn’t even know us and was only there for the legal aspects of needing to have witnesses.
We were both (understandably) very emotional during this part of our day, and were completely connected and enthralled with one another. We had been staring deeply into each other’s eyes, and had many very special moments together during this important experience- so I will not let this”ruin the moment” / but I am wondering if I am correct to assume that no one other than the officiant should be speaking to the couple during a wedding ceremony, and whether I should say something to the venue about this behaviour.
We are very patient people, but I feel another couple could find this highly distracting or even offensive for future events.

thank you for your feedback!

12 Comments

Latest activity by Meaghan, on August 23, 2019 at 12:46
  • M
    Expert September 2019 Ontario
    Meaghan ·
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    Thank you so much! We can't wait!

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  • Pacifica West
    Beginner August 2019 British Columbia
    Pacifica West ·
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    Hi, Meaghan
    This is irrelevant to our conversation- but I wanted to congratulate you on your elopement plans! I read your wedding profile and the ceremony in the butterfly garden sounds amazing.
    we have absolutely no regrets we kept things simple... and things came together very quick for us when we decided to go this route too!
    *Thank you for your advice (and to all others who commented too) I will post a review for the venue and include the witness commentator as a part of it for the sake of other couples considering this location- I think this is important for anyone to be aware of, no matter the size of the wedding, it is unacceptable behaviour- and others should be warned... I am hopeful this may also inspire the proprietor to question her actions as she obviously doesn’t think there was anything wrong with what she did.
    my review will be up this weekend Smiley smile

    all the best to ALL on their special day and into married life
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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    Woah... the nerve... well I'm happy to hear that you reached out even though they didn't exactly take what you have to say very well..

    A review can never hurt IMO.

    Now go enjoy married life!!! lol

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  • M
    Expert September 2019 Ontario
    Meaghan ·
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    Wow, that does make it even more ridiculous! I definitely think a review detailing the owner's behaviour would be a good thing. I would want to know that this was something that the owner might do during the ceremony.
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  • Pacifica West
    Beginner August 2019 British Columbia
    Pacifica West ·
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    Thank you Smiley smile
    so - if you can believe it - the ceremony commentator was the owner of the venue we had for our wedding. I didn’t want to comment publicly about what happened in our ceremony because the owner/commentator (OC) helped us plan everything that was included in our elopement package, and everything that came with what we signed up for was above and beyond our expectations.
    i decided to reach out to this individual directly - I shared many excellent compliments, and then shared that the commentary during the ceremony was not appreciated and suggested that this be avoided in the future. Although my husband and I were able to drown out everything around us in this special moment, other couples may not be so patient or understanding- and I shared these thoughts in my direct message.
    OC messaged me back and actually defended these actions! Justified it by saying that “couples are often nervous and in need of guidance” and that OC was simply trying to provide direction. OC also said that our photos could have been ruined by not looking at each other!!?
    i wrote back and shared that although couples do some times need direction during a ceremony, this direction should come from the officiant (and I’m surprised our officiant didn’t put a stop to it) We were definitely filled with nervous excitement in these moments, but we were not bumbling around - it’s not rocket science - we stood as we were directed to do so by officiant when we first met with her, and we had plenty of “long deep eye stares” without needing to be told to look at each other.
    In my reply, I was very clear that this is unacceptable behaviour - and that OC should take this into consideration for future events. I also noted that I have seen many beautiful photos of couples during their ceremony LOOKING at the individual who is officiating their wedding - not JUST at each other... and we had hired professional photographers to capture these moments due to our loved ones not being there - they must have taken hundreds of photos in the half hour our ceremony took... and with or without OC’s “direction” they would have been beautiful. Didn’t need anyone to help create our memories thanks - that’s a big reason why we choose to do things this way-
    ultimately- I don’t want to go on about it (thanks for listening) it is in the past now and I am happy I said what needed to be said for the sake of future couples who may choose this same place in their journey - although, I sense OC is a classic “type A” personality- and needs to feel in control of everyone and everything at all times - so who knows if anything will change - maybe a review isn’t a bad idea so I can warn others of this risk -
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  • Katelyn
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Katelyn ·
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    Congrats on getting married. Sorry you head this experience. I honestly think you're right that it was inappropriate and the only one who should address you is the officiant. I would absolutely say something to the venue about it just to save other couples in the future.
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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Congrats to you both and starting a new chapter in your life!

    The behaviour exhibited was inappropriate by the individual present and should be made a complaint against if ever standing in the room with future couples getting married. Voice your concern and they will have a talk with them to let him/her know how their behaviour affects their business and if its being recorded, it doesn't look good for them to hear someone making such comments. Officiants are the only ones that should be saying anything as you mentioned and agreed with you all the way.

    Being patient is good and waiting until the end to say something to the people in charge and letting them know how you felt about this situation would have made it harder for that individual to feel such way towards him/her unknowing they do it out loud. I can only imagine those impatient and getting on their nerve to say something to that person in a very bad way.

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    Congrats on the leap from Miss to Mrs.!!

    As for their behaviour - this would definitely warrant a complaint. That is highly rude and in no way their place to talk. If you were at a full blown 200 person wedding and a BM or GM did that - I would give them straight dagger eyes!

    At very minimum they need to talk to that person, and because I know that that may not get anything done I would first ask what their names were if you don't already know off of the legal papers - and then post their name on a bad review so others can ask to not have that person.

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  • M
    Expert September 2019 Ontario
    Meaghan ·
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    Congratulations! Another eloping bride.

    Yes, that is very inappropriate behaviour. If you want to mention it I think you should. They should never have used someone with such poor self control in a wedding ceremony and the officiant should have put an immediate end to the behaviour. I know it's not about the money, but I actually think this warrants some remuneration.
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  • Amanda
    Super June 2019 Ontario
    Amanda ·
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    100%... I cannot wrap my brain around how anyone would think this is right. I have never even heard of family or friends making comments like that. You are totally justified to feel this way, that is really out of line.

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  • Pacifica West
    Beginner August 2019 British Columbia
    Pacifica West ·
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    Thank you Amanda - I have been “stewing” over it- although we did not allow it to ruin our moment, when I reflect back on the ceremony, I keep remembering these interjections and I wish the officiant had put a stop to it.
    You are very emotional vulnerable on your wedding day - and witness etiquette should be a focus for a ceremony of this nature.
    I appreciate your support
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  • Amanda
    Super June 2019 Ontario
    Amanda ·
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    I would be making a complaint. That is absolutely inappropriate. They are strangers to you and have no right to tell you how to behave during your wedding ceremony. This actually upsets me. I'm glad you guys were able to ignore it at the time but this is disgusting.

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