When your wedding party is dropping the ball

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Kelly, Have these people ever been in a wedding before or attended one? I feel like they are completely clueless about the support needed for you both. It is such an honor (In my opinion) being asked to share such a special part of someones day/life. Maybe you need to email them one of the super awesome articles on here about their duties. I hope they shake their heads and realize this day is about you and your spouse. They should be filled with joy for you!

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Yeah good point. I what I'm failing to understand is that when you agree to be a part of the wedding party, don't you WANT to be helpful? Isn't that your role?

I'm just baffled by everybody acting like there's a lot being asked of them, when we've only asked for their availability...

You are not alone. I don't understand people and have determined that it is impossible to please everyone and just do want makes you happy and whomever is at the various events is great; plan things knowing that not all of the wedding party or friends or family will make it. Do your best to forgive them ones that miss out and embrace the ones that are there!

I think that your wedding party is very lucky that your parents are hosting the bbq and the very least they could do is respond and especially to your mom. I agree with the others who have said to just set a date and say sorry not sorry. I get how important it is to you that your wedding party be at all your events and rightly so but this might be the kick in the pants they need to get on board.

We've had some issues with our wedding party as well. Mostly the MOH and Best Man. We are having a wedding social this June and had a supper with them to talk about it and they were both unsupportive. The first thing we asked was about helping decorate and they didn't want to do it. And they talked about how they don't think the social will work like we want it to. When they should've supported what we wanted to do. My fiance talk to the best man the next day and it seemed to be okay. But we were still pretty bummed and it took some of the fun out of it. So we decided to have a get together for the whole bridal party, nothing fancy just a fun night out with friends. We made a facebook group and everyone said they can go except the MOH and best man. He said he might go and the MOH saw the invite and didn't say anything. So I had to ask her if she was going and she just said "probably but it's not till May right". She is going through a breakup so I know it's probably hard for her to be around wedding stuff but I waited a few months after her breakup to really talk about wedding stuff with her and now that events are starting to come up, I had to have a discussion with her about whether or not she was actually up for being the MOH. She was a bit offended when I first asked but when I explained again why I was asking she understood and said she is up for it and that she has just been in bad moods lately. I haven't really talked to her too much since then so I'm hoping everything is okay when I do ask her for help.

This is so relatable. We tried to organize a weekend at my FH's family cottage for our wedding party to all get together and get to know each other but they took forever to get back to us with the date so we had to postpone it to a totally different month.

Now we are trying to figure out when everyone will be arriving the night of the rehearsal dinner and no one is getting back to us.

Honestly, it would probably be easiest to take the responses you have and plan it with those. No one can be mad about you scheduling anything if they didn't respond.

Totally understand your frustrations.

I did 90% of my wedding planning super quick, and not one person in my wedding party (aside from my sister) asked if I needed help or how things were going.

Still to this day there has been very little discussion about it. Even after I asked them all about a date for dress shopping.

Don't worry you are not alone.

I get it. I live over 900km away from the wedding venue. This is my second marriage and my FH's 3rd. We are pretty relaxed about the formality as we're going to be having a small camping wedding with only our closest friends and family willing to travel distances. 37 for ceremony and 68 for the reception and bonfire party.

Our wedding party is our children and grandchildren. Only 2 live nearby and the others are far away. I bought a return flight for my youngest daughter and we're going to pick up my son on the way to the venue. Their lives are busy and we respect them for their hard work raising families and continuing their education and arranging the time off to join us.
I have been planning our wedding via calls, emails, texts and photos. All deposits have been paid and the final rental items, beverage and food items will be ready for pick up. I'm great at delegating and everyone knows what to expect in duties as the day approaches.
The hardest part was finding the dresses...but I did it, and got the matching high top sneakers for us ladies. The only person who has not been cooperating is the best man...FH's son...who just informed me that he doesn't have the clothes...so I'm just going to roll with it...and get a white shirt and black jeans for him ...its a camping venue and no dress code, so we're already geared for being relaxed. I'm okay with that...but my significant other is upset...as his son has known for over a year and was told the theme of jeans and the dress shirt.
I've given very little duties to the bridal party, with a few exceptions, and they know that I will be there to delegate the formation of the venue and decorating. I'm not going to be a bridezilla because I know their strengths and weaknesses and we will make a group effort bringing it all together just as we will blend our families into one.

Oh and our wedding day is May 11th and we're not leaving for the venue until the 6th. One pitstop overnight in PG to gather the last items and booze and the rest will be dealt with when we get there on the 7th. 4 days. I'm either very organized or just plain crazy. Lol

I totally get it. My wedding party hasn't been super helpful but they did throw an amazing shower. My MOH has no dress 12 days out. My sister refused to buys $50 dress. So she's choosing to wear one of her own..( a strapless maxi dress?) Amongst others. Plus groomsmen hasn't even got their clothes!

That is super frustrating!! Sorry you're going through this! I have everyone in a Facebook group since that works best for everyone and communicate there. I do have to follow up sometimes, but I also haven't asked them to do much in the way of that follow ups are needed.

That's super annoying. Trust me I know how you feel because our wet party hasn't exactly been superstars! Mainly the groomsmen. We actually had to threaten their spots in the wedding party just to get them to go in and get fitted for their suits! And then one of them said that the time off for the wedding he no longer has off.. it's a whole thing.. And on both sides it's nearly impossible to get a text back.. so I feel you!

Now you situation I say just send the invitations. They've had the heads up, they can take a tiny amount of time our of their schedules for you. That's what they agreed to when they agreed to being in the wedding party. If they decide not to show then maybe reconsider them, it sucks but you need people who will be 100% supportive and will actually make the effort.

Good luck!!

That is so frustrating! I hate it when people do that...honestly I will respect you more for actually answering with a 'no' then completely ignoring the email/text/etc because you are too afraid/don't want to actually tell me no

I would keep on them with text reminders....after a few if they still haven't responded send one final one (letting them know it is the final one) In the end at least you will know you tried...and its now on them if they cant make it.

I hope they all get back to your Mom soon

Trying to get all my ladies together in once place at one time has proven almost impossible. My MOH had to chase girls for answers for like a month straight to set a bachelorette date.

Some of it was people forgetting, other people were unsure and etc..

Just send out a courtesy text like mentioned and just ask everyone to ensure they respond. If the date doesn't work or you have someone with a really difficult schedule because of work tell them to pass that information along and possible dates that may work.

One of my bridesmaids works in camp so she is only home every few weeks. We understood and tried to work around her. But they need to communicate this.

Also maybe ask everyone what their preferred method of contact is? Some people may not check email as frequently. Or it gets lost in the million spam emails they get.

Texts or phone calls might be easier to get a response.

A courtesy text to your wedding party can let them know to respond to your mom and let her know otherwise it would be considered not attending. They need to get their act together and the Best Man was good to do what he did. Let your mom know you sent them the text for replying and a no show if there isn't any response.

Sadly it seems for the rest of them except the Best Man to have less respect of getting back or giving replies in a mannerly time. They don't seem to care for you both if the time isn't right for them or not wanting to be there for you both.

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Oh I have been called that for calling people out with dates lol People in wedding party had no issue messaging me saying this doesn't work but wouldn't respond in group for people organizing. I just told them didn't want to hear about it and they needed to work together or they will just make it miserable for me

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That's infuriating.

I'm trying REEEEEEAALLY hard to not text my people and say "stop being a butthead and respond to my mom's email"

But doing stuff like that earns you a bridezilla label apparently *eyeroll*

We have had the same issues! In the end my MOH messaged the group and said if no one lets them know what dates they can come then she will pick and hope people can. In the end, she picked a date and people got upset about why they weren't given option to say if could come or not. Meanwhile it was an option and posted in the group chat.