When your family starts planning the wedding for you.

hahahahahhahhahaa YES!!! Sorry for the delayed response, I had to take a break from wedding planning after all the drama. That made my night. hahahahaah

Glad I could help. I hope it gets easier for you

We have it similar, but not terrible yet as we haven't said anything to my future in-laws about plans. My FFIL told my FH that it had to be a church wedding, which my FH doesn't want, and he thinks they'll complain about needing to drive 1 to 1.5 hours to attend. Should be interesting when we do discuss things, but we're paying for it so it's our say that counts.

Maybe we should all pitch on for T-shirts that say We Will Take That Into Consideration lol

Looks like we have a lot in common Chealsea. My mom is absolutely set on my dad not walking me down the aisle(she wants it to be my step dad or her) and I don't think I can change that but i'm going to have to use the "we will take it into consideration" line for everything else.

Great advice for some of the issues i'm having for sure. Thanks Valerie

I think this is one of the benefits of marrying later in life. My mom and I have worked out the kinks in our adult relationship a while ago and she is just so happy I am getting married (finally) and she gets to be involved at all she offers opinions when asked but isn't pushy or trying to run the show. I know that if I was in my 20s and not in my 40s my mother and I would probably be fighting like cats and dogs and my dad and my FH would have to take sides and it would have been a mess. I do wish that I had met FH 20 years ago and we were able to have a pile of kidlets and all the rest but not having to fight with my family about being a grown up able to make my own decisions is one benefit!

Any money or gift services that we have received has been earmarked to category's and the giver has been told what category they are in... For instance I have a family friend growing flowers for me so her opinion on flowers would matter her opinion on my dress or catering would not... You might be able to do the same with lump sums., ie thanks for the money we will use it towards the venue.

No pay, no say is definitely true, which means unfortunately so is the opposite. It's very hard and can be stressful. I've found that to limit the opinions I get, I limited the information. So I often won't tell my parents about plans that I haven't already booked unless I want/am prepared for opinions.

I'll be honest... my mom was annoying me recently about my cake. We're getting married in the city they live and I'm about 1.5 hours away, and I was thinking about getting my cake in my city and just having FFIL pick it up on his way. My mother carried on about it until I just told her she was welcome to research some bakeries by her if she wanted. I figured she'd just come back with the same places I had already researched, but to my surprise she found one I hadn't that checked all my boxes and after we had a cake tasting there last week... what do you know... I booked them right away!

Long story short, if you want them to be involved, give them a project! It will keep them focused on that detail and give you a break from opinions on everything, and in the end, it's still your decision. Otherwise, just avoid telling them things that aren't booked. People usually complain less/give less opinions when you've already put their money down on something

Yes it's tough!!! Sending positive vibes your way! That's a lot of stress.

My FH said the same thing! No money no opinion lol

We have had some similar problems only nobody was offerering us any money! My mom and step-dad are lets just say wealthy but claim to be "poor" but they really aren't and so they are very materialistic people and they think that because of this they can just share their views on the wedding and expect us to change everything to please them as if its their own wedding! My mom never used to be like this and on her own she is a completely different person but my step-dad changed her 100%.... They got mad with how much we spent on a dj (my step-dad has his own dj business and has people who work for him and we asked if they could do the wedding for a discount and he flat out refused). They said the first time you see each other doesn't have to be walking down the aisle - might as well get it out of the way before hand and do all your photos before the ceremony instead of between the ceremony and reception. They said we should be playing all of our parents and grandparents wedding songs so each of them can have their own special moment at our wedding. My mom also got mad and refused to come wedding dress shopping with me because I also invited one of my bridesmaids who also got me a couple hundred dollar discount on the dress!!!!!! It is just so irritating that I can't even share any details wit them because they are either not excited about it or pull stunts like I listed above.... We now just shake our heads and say "yes we will take that into considertation" or "okay we will think about that" but in the end we will do whatever we want as it is our wedding!

A pretty good plan!

We just didnt accept anyones money .. so therefore no one had opinions but us ! we are going to do it all on our own .. our day our way !FH liked it that way

I think a lot of us feel this on some level! My family started out trying to change our plans and vision for our wedding too- and contributing to the budgetgives them some say of course.

Be that as it may, your wedding is still yours! I asked my mom the "hear me out" and listen with an open mind to what we were planning, and why, and I allowed her to explain why she disagreed. Up until that point all we had done was snap at eachother and argue over details.

In the end we compromised on a few things to keep the peace- but largely, my mom came around when we told her why we wanted certain things, and has agreed to disagree on others. I think the why is important, and gets missed in the "heat" of wedding planning.

I hope this helps! I really hope this works out for you soon!

In the words of my FH "No money No opinion" he told me he didn't want us accepting from anyone for that exact reason. I feel for you. We are paying for our wedding ourselves and I have Portuguese opinions flying already and I didn't send out invites (the opinions I'm getting are free lol just as annoying). I kindly joked (not the visual in my mind however lol) that if people keep talking they won't get an invitation in the mail! Hahahaha In the beginning, I wanted to walk myself down the isle because I felt that women should be marrying by choice, not because a man is passing her off to another man! This is a choice YOU are making, so walk yourself down the isle! That way no one has anything to say about it. You are creating your own moment! I think it would be so special You walking towards him alone, after everything you've been through together! You are losing your mind because you are trying to please everyone (I have the same problem) I feel for you, remember it's your day and in the end people will have to remember that. Be true to what you and your FH want and it will be perfect! Your perfect! If you want to post some of their phone numbers we can make some calls on your behalf lol

Hi there, I can understand where you are coming from. I would talk to them and let know that you appreciate their help and let know what you would like for your wedding. Even though they are helping you financially, you still have say as it is your wedding and you and your FH should be happy!