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Kelly
Expert September 2019 Manitoba

When a friend passes

Kelly, on June 19, 2019 at 11:51 Posted in Wedding reception 0 19
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This post of a bit different coming from me. This past Saturday, I found out one of my best friends has terminal cancer. He's only 30. He doesn't have long.

My heart is broken. He probably won't be at our wedding, which hurts. I want him there so badly.

Thinking of ways to honour him if is can't be there.

I'm not a fan of rhymy signs. I don't want that "knew you'd be here today" one or anything like that.

Considered having one of those pictures in the bouquet to carry with me...but...I dunno....not sold on it.

I thought of reserving his seat at the reception, possibly putting a flower or a picture at his setting. But, I don't want it to be a downer at that table though, you know? Maybe run that by the people at that table and see if they'd mind?

19 Comments

Latest activity by BunnyBride, on August 27, 2019 at 18:19
  • BunnyBride
    Super August 2022 Nova Scotia
    BunnyBride ·
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    I saw an idea once that I thought was really cool....maybe you'll like it too and depending on the decor/vibes of the ceremony. Instead of flowers or those pom-pom things at the end of the aisle, someone hung photo frames with photos of all the people who couldn't be there from passing. They picked photos of happy memories with those people (them on grappy's lap as a kid, a photo of friends together of them at a special event, etc). Where the bride and groom were in a lot of them too, it was a tribute to the relationship and happy memories together without risking it being a downer.

    The setting is a great idea, but definitely run it by the table first, especially if they are close friends to him and grieving as well.

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  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
    • Dispute

    Im so sorry to hear this!! i am doing a table for my dad with photos and candles to remember him!!

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  • Taylor
    Devoted October 2021 Alberta
    Taylor ·
    • Dispute

    Im sorry to hear about your friend. i think at the ceremony having that chair with his picture and a flower would not be a downer because people wont be focusing anyways on it much but it might bring you some more comfort. if you want to keep your greiving more to yourself even take something of his (like his favorite shirt) and a peice of it so tie around your flowers. people wont notice a small strip much if they even see it when your holding it.

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    That is thoughtful and memorable to see in your video and remember how you made your friends presence in your hearts on your day.

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  • Sharlene
    Expert August 2019 Alberta
    Sharlene ·
    • Dispute
    I figured out what I am doing to honor my best friend. I will play our favorite song at the reception and have my favorite photo of us together enlarged and display it.
    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
    • Dispute

    I did photos of passed relatives on my bouquet (grandparents and an uncle). I absolutely loved having them, it was really important to us and friends and family loves and appreciated the gesture too. Once at the reception I put my bouquet on display in the lobby for people to see up and close as well.

    I think having a set at the reception is a bit much imo.... Maybe you can do something like have a photograph at the head table?

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
    • Dispute

    I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Kelly, I can't imagine what you are going through!

    I would maybe have a "in honour of" table with a floral display and a candle to honour all guests (alive and passed) who weren't able to make it. You could honour him specifically in your speech to make it more personal to him.

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  • Erin
    Super May 2022 Ontario
    Erin ·
    • Dispute
    I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I agree with you on the sayings and signs, not my style either. I thought about making my centerpieces also being my in memory of, so the containers would be the same but each would be filled with something that reminded you of that person. You could do a in memory of shot of his favourite drink.
    • Reply
  • Amelia
    Super September 2020 Ontario
    Amelia ·
    • Dispute

    I'm so sorry to hear this and can't imagine how hard it must be. I like the idea of carrying something in your bouquet - does he have a shirt or something that you can maybe cut a piece of fabric from to tie around it? And as far as saving a seat, you could definitely run it by people at the table, but maybe it could also be really nice and a bit more subtle to do it at the ceremony.

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    This is a sad news to get before your day to come ahead. A nice way to remember your friend is to say his presence is on this day as he couldn't attend. A name card that would say In Presence of your friends name at the seat he would be sitting at the table. He would appreciate that and send a picture to show what you did for him.

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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
    • Dispute
    So sorry to hear this Kelly.
    Is there anything that he has gifted to you that you can use as your something old, new etc? I agree with what Veronica said about saving the seat. It could be very emotional for many people who are close to him.
    You could also have some pictures at your welcome table or something dedicated to individuals who have passed instead of the signs
    • Reply
  • Sharlene
    Expert August 2019 Alberta
    Sharlene ·
    • Dispute

    Sorry to hear this. It is a huge loss at any time for sure. I have been wondering the same thing. My best friend passed away many years ago, but I still want to honor her. I am thinking of either having a photo of her attached to my bouquet or a photo of her on a chair. None of it seem quite right. So I am hoping someone has a suggestion for both of us. The wedding wire community is fabulous with suggestions!


    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Super June 2019 Ontario
    Amanda ·
    • Dispute
    I'm so sorry.
    you could have a table with one setting and a rose and candle. no picture. A lot of military people do this - it's a general way of honouring any one who has been lost, it doesn't need to be person specific if you're concerned about putting pictures and it being sad. Maybe in your speech you could just point it out briefly explain what it signifies or if you want to keep it personal that do that.
    • Reply
  • Veronica
    Super October 2021 Alberta
    Veronica ·
    • Dispute

    SO Sorry to hear this, lots of love and hugs to you and your friend and family.

    I'm am not so sure about the reserved seat idea, I was considering this for my late stepdad but our officiant said that in her experience it draws too much attention and for those emotionally close to the person it can be really really hard. Just to add input. I completely understand wanting to honor your friend though, but maybe there is a more subtle way such as a photo with a candle or something?

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  • Valérie
    VIP September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·
    • Dispute

    I am so sorry, I know the feeling too well. Feel free to message me if you need to let it all out.
    We're asking We're incorporating a "moment of silence" at the beginning of our ceremony to honor the ones that have passed. So you could have someone read a poem before a moment of silence?

    • Reply
  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
    • Dispute
    I’m so sorry to hear this.

    We lost a family friend just this week - it’s a truly awful thing to go through, especially at such a young age. My thoughts are with you and your friend.

    For me personally, I really like the “reserve a chair” idea. I think it signifies that he is there with you.

    Wishing you and your friend all the best during this tough time.
    • Reply
  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
    • Dispute
    I’m so sorry to hear about your friend!
    I like the subtle way of keeping a photograph close on your bouquet since it’s more personal. I’ve never been to a wedding with a reserved seat (it’s definitely more bold).
    • Reply
  • Seleena
    Super September 2019 British Columbia
    Seleena ·
    • Dispute

    I am so very sorry to hear that. I can definitely relate, as my FMIL was just diagnosed with cancer as well and not sure if she will be able to make it to the wedding.

    I have seen people put their picture on their reserved seat with flowers and I think it is the perfect touch to honour your friend.

    Again, so sorry and keep your thoughts positive!

    • Reply
  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
    • Dispute

    I am so sorry to hear Kelly! He is very young and wish and hope he can be there. I would ask people you had planned to seat him with. Even if you did a reserve sign on his chair with his photo on the sign

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