What do you think about civil union relationship?

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Kirsten..That's absolutely the best thing when you can be open with your partner and talk about all as you do before getting married. The more clear is the picture the better, no surprises later, that some one expected something different or more.

View quoted message I completely get the thought process! No judgement at all. I was always someone that never expected to get married, I had a lot of bad relationships. So I made sure that if/when I was ever in a position to get married that I would already have myself established. If we divorce I won't be expecting any financial compensation for myself, we go back to what we had at the start of our relationship and anything purchased/saved together is sold and/or split. If there are any kids I know he will be 100% involved because kids are something we will seriously discuss that we both want before we do it, i am good with or without. And as long as they are cared for that is what would matter to me and I'm sure him. We have had all these discussions and are on the same page about it. All this would be the case if we were legally married or not for us. I was too old to worry about beating around the Bush when we met lol so there was a lot of talk before hand lol

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I guess I used wrong word ( pressure or ultimatum ).

I would say some people need to be stimulated to make decision

Of course with honest men you will be good with or with out official marriage, but with dishonest men, you better will be when papers are well organize. ( again even good guy, in moment of separating, and if there is money sharing, can change ). If we would see how many people divorce, married or not, we would think different. There is never 100% that you will make it forever. and when people, divorce, love is gone, and very often it gets nasty, and you get to know people from different sides. So it is good to think positive, that official marriage will not give anything and I dont care about protection, but when you face the situation of divorce, is much easier when things are clear. And it is nice to see, when you partner treats good his ex, because it says a lot about him.

What I am saying...you always need to protect your self and your loved ones. In today life, you need testament, which in a lot of countries is not very common. Also, life insurance, when you have children or family can be a good idea, and properly done papers when you are married or not. Unfortunately around me, there is a lot of divorce people, who have lived together for a lot of years, but sometimes,people grow a part. Some men in their 50 feel, that they are younger then their wife and they looking for younger women and opposite, all kind of things can happen. That's why you always need to think about protection. Before I met my partner I was not thinking like that, but this is what I learn from him. The better you are organize and you know what is what, the better for your future.

I don't really care about the "legal benefits" or "protection" of being married, I have a good established career, finances, health benefits and would be just fine without my fiancé in that respect. Honestly other than now having a two income household and having a little more financial freedom, for both of us, there isn't really much that either of us is bringing in that the other didn't have on their own. I would sign a prenup if he wanted me to. And even if we had kids outside of marriage, he is still responsible financially. I personally don't believe pressuring someone or giving them an ultimatum is good for a relation ship long term, in my experience it causes resentment long term. If someone isn't ready for that commitment you can't force them to be and I wouldn't want to be with someone that I would have to get to that point. We both had our opinions on marriage, kids and everything else discussed very early on in our relationship. I am marrying him because we compliment each other in all aspects of our lives, we are both independent people coming together, I love him more than I knew was possible and I never felt the need to pressure him into anything, we support each other in all aspects and it is just easy and I know what kind of man that he is. I know that if things didn't work out with us I am not thinking about marriage having any benefits or protection, and if there are kids involved I know the kind of man he is and he would be there undoubtedly. When him and his ex of 4yrs broke up he let her stay at his place until winter was over and than he took time off work to drive her from Alberta to nova scotia so she could move back home and he flew back. He is a gentleman and doesn't have a vindictive bone in his body.

Obviously everyone is different, I completely resect that this is just my thoughts.

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Ok Good to know! But yes..you need to make all papers right!

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With regards to property, if both of your names are on the deed as Joint-Tenants then when one person dies their property rights pass automatically to the other owner(ie: if a boyfriend and girlfriend are on title to a house as joint tenants (we each have 50% ownership) then if the boyfriend dies the girlfriend is the sole owner of the property and his estate does not have ownership or rights to the property. If two people go on title as tenants in common, however, then one one person on title dies their share passes to whomever the dead person had named in their will to get their share of the property (or If there is no will then their share passes to whomever estate law states will get it).

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Oh for sure, it could also have to do with age of course. My Husband is almost 30 and I am 22 so for him he has been ready to settle down since we met and has wanted to have a family for quite a few years already.

But ya - no, I would never do a marriage contract/ pre-nup/ post-nup. What's his is mine and what's mine is his. But not everybody is like that. We both went into this with the same mentality of death before divorce.

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Ashley...

I would not say that marriage is only a paper. But of course people can do what works for them. If you will check the law what it can give you, you would see more pulses. I guess, in Canada law protects people more, in some Europian countries or Russia, with no marriage, things will finish very bad.

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Caitlyn...Unfortunately...there is a lot of divorce, but divorce with marriage or without it is still divorce. And in a lot of cases some women will be more protected with official marriage, and some men will pay bigger price to get out of this marriage. Since I am a woman, I am for women protection and children. And yes..you can be in civil union, but it sounds like there is much more paper job to do in that way if you want to make it safe. We always get married thinking only positive, but people can divorce after 30 years being together, when they have grow a part. I mean you need protect your self also for the worst case.

Also...if I am not wrong...if you buy house in common law, and one partner die, then parents of the died are entitle for the part of property. Or you need to have a testament, where you wish all to your partner. It seems, there is much more paper job to do, with no marriage.

But of course everyone can do what he wants!

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I agree...each can do what he wants!

I dont find wrong to encourage someone for marriage. Since wedding usually is more important for women than for men!

I guess,that's because i needed to do it with my hubby

Or..it was done in past as well...no sex till marriage ))

P.S. But when you get married, you also need to protect yourself..that is when comes in marriage contract! I guess thats more for uneven couples! When you want to protect things what you had before marriage.

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Amelia...I totally agree...And think like you..that marriage will solve a lot of material problems. Which after can happen if one dies or one want to leave you. Even if you have bought house together and your names are there, but you are not married, and if there is no testament, what usually young people dont have, your partners family will be involved of getting half of house by law.

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I agree...that you choose what fits you...There is no right or wrong! But there is also bad stories, when people have lived together with no marriage...and when they broke up..things with children and material things does not split the way they planned.

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Vinod..Wow...that's sweet...you have been inspiration to other to make it official

A lot of people arent getting officially married anymore they buy houses and have kids together. nothing is wrong with that. the marriage is only a paper. the wedding is just a day. couples are committed too each other and thats all that matters!! my cousin has been with his (we call her wife) wife for YEARS, they bought a place together they have a child now and they dont need or care to get married they said its a waste of money and they put that money into a home instead. society is changing you dont NEED to be married

We've been common law for about 6 years now. Honestly marriage isn't as important to me as it is to FH. We have kids, we own a house, we file taxes together. There really isn't any difference for us if we get married or not. If we broke up I still get half the house, we both have to pay to make sure kids are taken care of. That being said there have been times when just talking about the wedding and getting ready for it we've both felt closer than we were as being only common law. I understand marriage is not for everyone. It all boils down to the fact that you can be married and break up, stay common law and break up or you can be married till death or stay common law till death. Whatever works for the couple is what is best.

I know a lot of Common Law couples which one got married after we did and now his father is wanting to do the same. They are my in laws of course and seems we started a chain somehow them look at their love to become official. At the same time, my best friend coming out except to his parents.

Common Law couples seem to love the idea of no paper marriage and just being as they are with nothing more to have as they are with their families.

On the other side of the token, depending on the individuals and cultures, marriages are always considered to be official when being together after proposing.

Here in Ontario we also have 'common law spouses', which like Amelia mentioned, affords some benefits but does not have the same benefits of being a married spouse when it comes to distribution of assets. After we had been living together for a year and we were eligible we changed our status with the government to being common law so that I could be on DH's health benefits before we got married.

Marriage isn't for everyone. My best friend and her long term boyfriend are adamant they don't want to get married and they're going strong, as well as my mother and her long term boyfriend. DH's best friend, however, is going through a difficult divorce that is draining his bank account. They rushed into a marriage because his ex-wife was in her 40's and they wanted to have a child together. My father is in a controlling and abusive marriage, so for them marriage was not the best choice. He actually didn't want to get married, he just wanted to live together and be common law, but my stepmother pushed him and pressured him into marriage. So my personal view us that you talk openly about marriage and do not go the route of pressuring the other party to get married or not based on what you want because that can end up being a mess.

Whatever way you choose; marriage, common law, dating but not living together, etc. I recommend you research your rights, property law and asset distribution law, like Amelia said, and maybe have in place things like cohabitation agreements or wills to protect you and your assets.

Also, when it comes to law, you can go to court for child support regardless of whether you were ever married to their other parent or not. You being exes could result in you getting spousal support if you divorce, but it won't result in more child support or more responsibility for the other parent to look after the child.

Here in Manitoba we use "common law spouse" but still have to file for it if we want the benefits of being married without actually being married. If you are living with your S/O and have a baby then you are automatically "common law" but otherwise you have to have lived together for like a year before you can claim it. For me and my DH we would have been able to file for common-law about 2 months before our wedding... so it didn't make sense.

I agree about the marriage first, then kids - but only for me. I don't quite care what others do or don't do. Heck, most of my family and my DH's family did things "backwards".

Plus, if you need to "encourage" your partner to get married - they aren't your forever partner since you wouldn't be on the same page about something so big, right? You should be with somebody who feels the same way about marriage, kids, money, etc.

I personally hate the term "common law spouse" as they are called in New Brunswick. I can't speak for everyone or every province but here being common law means you file taxes like a married couple but if your "spouse" were to die you're not always recognized as their spouse by the law (especially if they were married before and never properly divorced) which can make the loss of a loved one even more difficult and stressful.


To me even the simplest marriage ceremony or even a cohabitation agreement can make life so much easier down the road.
I think regardless of gender when you're entering a long term relationship or making an investment like buying a house you need to make sure you are protected. My fiance and I bought our house before we were engaged so we made sure both of our names were on the property. If we were to split up or if one of us died the property laws dictate what happens to our home.