What did you do?

Thank you everyone for taking the time to answer and share your opinions. It really helps hearing I’m not alone feeling this way. I think my guilt is a cumulative emotional response to the stress of planning a wedding.

I feel better after having heard what you ladies did for your bridal party.

I completely understand how you feel and just today had a complete breakdown over feeling so guilty about how much I feel that I've made my girls pay.

I have 8 girls in my bridal party. Our wedding is in New Brunswick and all the girls live in Ontario. To top it all off, 5/8 are PhD students...including myself.

I've tried to do as much as I can in terms of lodging, hosting all the girls for any days prior or after the wedding at my Fiancé's grandfather's cottage. Many of them have never been to the East Coast, so they wanted to stay a few extra days before or after. The night of the wedding I have arranged discounted pricing at an Inn my Fiancé's family owns. I let them all choose a dress of their choice at a price point they were comfortable with (they all ended up picking the same one). My mom paid for my bridal shower and I have done all the planning by myself and haven't asked for any help because I live in Montreal (I know, the wedding spans the whole country, the Best Man is coming from BC and one groomsman from Nova Scotia...haha). I have given them all the option to have their hair and make-up done professionally, but that I don't require it. Same with getting their nails done before the wedding. Despite thinking it would look better if they all had their hair and make up done professionally to look more cohesive, I understand that finances would be a limiting factor of this (and many) weddings.

I want to cover more for them, but the wedding itself is expensive and then buying gifts for 8 girls or paying for all their hair or make up is starting to get up their in price.

But I can't help but to feel like I'm not doing enough.. and that I'm financially burdening them.

We are getting married the same day and my bridesmaids are local. Our wedding is in Jasper and like Vancouver is rather expensive for logging. We booked a long time ago and told everyone the date so they could have stayed in the next town and saved money on the cost of lodging. We are covering the cost of hair and make-up and I will buying their jewelry and a baseball jersey for when we are in the salon and before we change into our dresses.

We haven't asked for help with any of the wedding décor and they won't be setting up for the ceremony or reception. They will help with take down.

I think I have made it very easy on them. Certainly easier than when I have been a bridesmaid four times in the past.

I think you and I have done enough, so don't feel bad about it. They wouldn't have said yes, if they couldn't afford the extra expense associated with being in your wedding party.

I think a small gift OR paying for hair or make up the day off is plenty. Hopefully your party is enjoying helping you out and having some fun! And in my experience when it comes time, you can do the same for them! I don’t think any large gifts or huge gestures are required. Just thank them often and sincerely and do a small gift or cover a cost on the wedding day.

Your opinions are great - thank you everyone. It sounds like most of you are doing similar things for your bridal party. I have 4 BM and MOH so costs add up really quickly with gifts or services.

I think I’m feeling this way because everything is compounding. The outrageous cost of the wedding itself (my dad has graciously paid) and then the costs everyone else is incurring. I’ve tried to keep costs down but having a wedding in YVR is so expensive.

But you ladies are right, weddings cost money - for everyone, including the bridal party. Thanks for all the input.

I haven't had y bridal do to much as of yet. They have been travelling about an hour anytime we want to get together to talk about the wedding but so far that's it.

I will be covering my bridal parties, My Mother & the Flower girls hair & make up. I only have 3 bridesmaids (including MOH).

I also just purchased a Custom Robe along with a customized wine glass.

I wouldn't feel bad none the less because when you accept being in the party you know that comes along with a lot of spending. I also advised all my girls that if there is any money issues to let me know & I can either assist or we can look at different options.

As long as you tell your girls how much you appreciate them, that's all they should need. They also have to understand you are spending SO MUCH already, just within the wedding.

Hoenstly like others said, you agree to the expenses when you agree to being in the party. I know it feels weird, but it will come full circle for you another time I am sure.

Just even something small as telling your girls how much you appreciate all of them and what they mean to you I think goes a long way..

When you give them their gift maybe include a heartfelt note?

Offering to cover hair or makeup I am sure will be appreciated. And make sure you throw them a shout out during your thank you speech if giving one.

If that doesn't seem like enough... maybe you can have a pampering session like manis/pedis? Or Host your own little spa night the night before etc... Or go surprise them with a fun activity before the rehearsal or something if they are all there anyways.

I mean, the only thing I can think of is if you were to try and find somewhere on AirBnB that they could all use so the price would be cheaper as a group? That or if you and your FH have someplace like a hotel for the night maybe you could let them bunk at your place - as long as it isn't too far from the venue).

For my bridal party I have offered to loan them the money to buy the BM dresses if they needed (only one took me up on the offer), and I told them they don't need their hair and makeup done professionally so that's one less thing for them to worry about. We will be having mani-pedis a few days before the wedding, and I was looking into getting them robes, booze, and possibly a gift certificate to a spa for their own use. I'm trying to stay away from things that say "Bridesmaid" or are for the actual day of the wedding though.

I do not feel at all that you should feel bad. I have been a bridesmaid 3 times and an MC once.. when you say yes to being in a wedding party you say yes to spending your time and your money. I have never had my dress paid for. I just don't think those things are expected.

Of course, we want to say thank you to our party but we also have a wedding to pay for so people understand.

I have been debating paying for my girls' make up, but I haven't decided.

When I asked them I gave them a gift.. a bridesmaid robe, earrings, a compact mirror with their initial on it, a ring pop in a box with a picture of us on it.

I might get them a little something else and give it to them on the day of but I haven't decided yet.

Anything I think you decide to give or gift to them will be appreciated, but do not feel bad that you are not doing more and they are spending a lot. It's part of the job when you are a bridesmaid.

I think people know what to expect when they accept to be in a bridal party!

I only have my sister in my bridal party so I’m doing quite a bit for her. I paid for her dress and her hair and make up. I also gave her a proposal box when I first asked her!

Are you giving your bridesmaids a gift the day of the wedding? You might be able to surprise them with something nice then!

Thanks Casey. I appreciate your input. I feel better knowing someone else did the same thing.

💛🙂

I have done the exact same thing. I’m very organized, and would rather book things in advance to have what I want instead of waiting. So with the help of my FH and my step mom, I’ve basically done everything on my own. None of my bridesmaids (except my MOH) were really part of my planning because of how early I started.
My bridesmaids just got their dresses, and aside from that I haven’t asked much from them. Just now are they starting to ask (under 5 months out) but mostly everything is done!
Part of being in the wedding party is understanding that there is going to be costs associated with it. Although my girls are not travelling as far they did pay for their dresses and I will pay for their hair and makeup.
I was so worried about their dresses and the cost. I let them pick their dresses so I didn’t have to tell them they had to get a specific one no matter what the cost.
Completely understand where you are coming from, and I felt just as bad. But now I’m just trying to focus on the wedding, and making it a great day for us!